


My Two Other Halves

by sempre_balla



Category: CLAMP - Works, Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Canon Divergence, Family Bonding, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sibling Love, basically the original fai lives because I say so au, but I mean it's fai and yuui so that's a given isn't it, everyone is very emotional in this fic because I always end up writing it when I'm very emotional, mentions of past trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-05-08 08:26:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 44,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14690259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sempre_balla/pseuds/sempre_balla
Summary: An AU in which Fei Wang Reed doesn't kill Fai, but freezes his time and keeps him as a hostage instead. After their victory in Clow, Yuui reunites with a brother who never grew up, and the original Fai is welcomed into his twin's found family.Essentially, Yuui building his life back together with the two people he treasures the most: his other self and the love of his life.





	1. if being born is a miracle, breathing is also a miracle

**Author's Note:**

> Things to bear in mind:
> 
> 1- I won't focus a lot on developing the canon divergence aspect of Fei Wang Reed deciding to not kill one of the twins, so here's a brief explanation: he does to the original Fai what he did to the original Sakura and Syaoran, he freezes his time and keeps him in the alternate Clow as a hostage to ensure that Yuui will go through his plan without doing anything stupid. Fai stays tiny because it's not the same he-grew-up-but-went-back-in-time-and-then-didn't situation. It doesn't make /a lot/ of sense, but I just wanted to explore the idea of a small Fai joining the family. It's an au anyway so screw you clamp I do what I want.
> 
> 2- In this fic, when I write Fai I'm refering to the twin that was locked in the tower and when I say Yuui I'm refering to the twin that was trapped in the valley. It may seem pretty obvious but names are a mess in TRC and the naming in horitsuba just messes with my head I swear.
> 
> 3- POV will alternate from Yuui, Fai and Kurogane. There'll be lots of kurofai and lots of brotherly love cause I love those things and I'm treating myself. Also Kurogane and Fai teaming up to make Yuui happy, that's where it's at my dudes.
> 
> 4- This was written for tsubasachroniclemonth 2018 on tumblr, for the day 18 prompt: other self appreciation.  
> That's pretty much it. Enjoy!!

When Fai comes to his senses, he cannot tell what he feels first. It could be the stiffness of his limbs, or the grogginess, or the dull pain behind his eyelids, or the heat.

...the heat?

Fai does not remember the last time he felt warmth, let alone _heat_. This temperature is something he doesn’t think he’s ever experienced before. His uncovered face feels cool, not cold. His clothes feel almost as light as the scrap of cloth he had been wearing in the tower, but the frost isn't biting at his skin. The sheets draped around him are thin, nothing compared to the thick blankets he had been able to sleep under when he was still allowed to live in the castle of Valeria. Yet he is warm.

Just where on earth is he? The very last thing he remembers is a tear in the sky and a hand pointing at him, asking him whose life had more worth, his or Yuui’s.

It was Yuui’s. He had chosen Yuui.

 _I must be dead, then,_ Fai thinks, tension leaving his body. He had always believed that the twins of misfortune did not have a place for them in heaven, but that may have been wrong. The warmth alone feels like paradise.

He lets himself relax, swallowing the uneasiness away. Huh, his mouth isn't dry. Somehow that feels more foreign than anything else surrounding him.

Fai wonders how Yuui is doing. Hopefully he’s not feeling too lonely. They may not have been able to make it out together, but his brother deserves every bit of freedom and happiness he can attain. Fai wonders how happiness feels. Probably like those quiet nights in the castle in which he and Yuui furrowed under the same blankets and slowly drifted to sleep as they held each other’s hands. If Fai had ever felt happiness, then it was in those moments where Yuui’s warmth and steady breathing made him feel like he was someplace safe, someplace where misfortune wouldn’t follow.

Before the valley and the tower, Yuui had always been the first one to sleep and the last one to wake. Even now, Fai can almost hear his breathing next to him. It’s funny, the memory is incredibly distant and yet the sound is clear and vivid. Though the breathing sounds off, somehow, and a quiet mumble suddenly disrupts it.

Yuui did make small noises in his sleep, but the voice Fai just heard was much, much lower than that of his brother’s. Fai tenses up.

Slowly and with great effort, he blinks his eyes open. It takes a while for his vision to adapt to the darkness around him, but he can make out a high ceiling illuminated by pale moonlight. The architecture and colors of it are foreign to him, and he frowns. The boy lets out a quiet exhale before turning his head to the side, and his breath catches when he sees a slender frame leaning against the side of the bed. He can barely make out the silhouette of the person’s shoulders and back, but what he can see clearer than crystal is pale blonde hair.

Fai knows there are other blonde people, of course, he has grown up in a castle full of light-haired nobles. The person sitting on the floor looks bigger than he has ever been— ever remembers being, and yet.

The boy has seen the world through curtains of that same shade of blonde for more years than he can count. But it’s impossible, truly impossible.

And yet…

“Yuui?” He whispers almost inaudibly, his tongue heavy in his mouth.

The figure stirs and turns. The moonlight illuminates soft features and unmistakable blue eyes.

 _I shouldn’t know this person_ , Fai thinks as the pair of eyes staring at him widen and start watering.

But he does. Oh, he does.

Two large, shaky hands gently grasp one of his own, and the man— _yes, the man_ —before him brings Fai’s bony fingers to his lips as if to kiss them. He sobs before he can do it, and tears start flowing.

“Fai…” Yuui whimpers, and Fai can’t even begin to question why his twin looks like a grown-up before tears start clouding his own vision.

 

* * *

 

Yuui is living in a dream and he absolutely does not want to wake up.

Everything after Infinity just feels unreal. Ashura’s wish granted by hands other than his own; hands that have spared him from having to end his father’s life. Kurogane’s complete acceptance of everything he is and has ever been, and the sincere love, pride and devotion in those red eyes he has learnt to love so much. The witch’s assurance that Fei Wang Reed had no need of using Fai as a hostage anymore, not when it was clear that Yuui would fight as hard for his princess as he would for his brother. Tomoyo’s assurance that, in the future they were walking towards now, Fai would still live.

Kurogane telling him he’s worth much more than an arm, and Yuui believing him.

Losing his daughter.

Flirting with the ninja in the middle of a timeless battlefield, desperately trying to forget the fact that what little he has left of their broken little family, he could lose in a matter of seconds.

Losing his son.

Finding everything he never thought he would find again; his other daughter and his other half, hugging them both close so he may never lose sight of them again. Their heartbeats are steady, and Fei Wang Reed is gone. Yuui feels safe for the first time in his life, and then Fai wakes up and calls his name.

Everything, all of it, is unreal. Yuui feels so much that he could cry, but Clow is a stupidly hot country, and he sweats all the tears away. He worries that the heat will hurt Fai, whose body has never known anything other than unforgiving cold, but Fai says that he loves it, that he thought himself in heaven when he had just woken up.

Yuui doesn’t want to think about how easily his brother had accepted his own death, so he explains everything to him instead. He talks about Fei Wang Reed asking him to choose, and making sure Yuui would keep his end of the bargain by freezing Fai’s time and keeping him hostage. He talks about the curse he was allowed to remember, and the curse he was forced to forget.

A sad smile overtakes his features when he talks about Celes and Ashura. Fai’s brows furrow when Yuui gingerly confesses that he borrowed his name.

“But you’re you,” Fai says with an innocence to his gaze Yuui had lost ages ago. “You didn’t have to do that.”

Yuui smiles and tucks a long strand of hair behind Fai’s ear, leaving his hand there to caress a cheek that is slowly filling up with a chubbiness that should never have been lost.

“I decided I would give it back to you when I got you out of there,” he explains, tracing his brother’s cheekbone with his thumb. Fai leans into the touch, and Yuui’s smile widens. He knows how Fai must feel, receiving affection after all those years of solitude and suffering. Yuui had been touch-starved too. He taps Fai’s nose with one finger. “I’m even giving you a surname to make up for my inmoral thievery. You’re Fai Flourite now, rejoice!”

Fai’s frown deepens in childish confusion, and Yuui’s heart surges with fondness and protectiveness. Gods, he’s going to spoil the _shit_ out of this boy. He’ll smother him with all the affection he is capable of giving.

“But that surname was given to you, not me.”

“We’re twins, silly,” he chides, huffing. “What’s mine is yours. Besides, Fai Flourite sounds _way_ better than Yuui Flourite, so I’d say you’re on the better end of the bargain here.”

Fai can take as much of a joke as Yuui could when he first became the court magician of Celes, but Yuui doesn’t mind. If he had learnt how to smile in the midst of snow, loneliness and uncertainty, Fai can learn too.

So Yuui continues his soliloquy, not going into much detail concerning Ashura’s slow descent into madness. When he gets to his arrival at the witch’s shop, however, he brightens up so much that Fai startles, eyes widening. The loss still hurts more than he wants to admit, but he recalls the time he spent with the clones that had become his first children with fondness. He talks about Mokona, her infectious cheer and tells Fai how much he will love her. He talks about his Kuro-sama, how fun it is to tease him and how his frightening intellect and caring nature betrays his tough and brute exterior. He goes on in excruciating detail about all the worlds they visited and marvels at the looks of wonder Fai gives him. He skips over Yama though, because those six months belong to him and Kurogane alone.

He avoids some ugly details about Tokyo, Infinity and Celes too. He’s just gotten Fai back, and he doesn’t want him to know the most detestable parts of his brother yet. He’ll eventually tell him, but it’s just not right yet. He’s just not ready yet.

So Yuui talks at length about the intricate clothing of Nihon and the beauty of Shirasagi castle instead.

“Do you think I’ll be able to travel with you when I get better?” Fai asks with so much longing Yuui’s heart melts inside his chest. “See other worlds?”

“Of course,” Yuui whispers, putting both of his hands on Fai’s shoulders. “When you manage to stand on your own we’ll explore this palace, and when you manage to walk again, I’ll take you through town so you can see the market here— it’s so beautiful, Fai, you’ll love it. We have all the time in the world to see new things together, so we’ll explore it all.”

Fai’s lips quirk up in a timid smile, and Yuui has to hold back tears at the sight. How long had it been since he had seen that smile? Both twins had stopped smiling when they were so little, even before they were separated.  

“When will I meet your friends?” Fai asks, looking both nervous and thrilled.

The only people that have been in this room of the palace are him and the queen. No one else was needed, since Yuui didn’t want to overwhelm Fai when he woke up and his own wounds were shallow enough that he could take perfect care of his convalescent brother. Queen Nadeshiko’s magic was as nurturing as her daughter’s, and as a medic she was as trustworthy as she was efficient, so she alone had been enough.

So far, Yuui has only left the room to bathe and to visit Kurogane (who refuses to accept the gravity of his wounds and is claiming to be going mad having to spend so much time in bed. If Sakura didn’t have the ninja completely wrapped around her finger Yuui would be much more worried, but she _is_ supervising Kurogane’s recovery, so at least reluctant obedience is guaranteed). Asides from that, Yuui had never left his brother’s side, and he will not let anyone into the room until he thinks Fai is ready.

He seems to be now, so Yuui grins.

“As soon as you want,” he answers. “I’ll have a servant ask Sakura-chan if she wants to take over the queen’s medical duties for today, if you want to start from that.”

Fai nods, pursing his lips anxiously.

God, the sight of his only brother and his daughter interacting will probably be the cutest thing to ever grace the universe. He can’t wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was sort of prologue-y and the shortest chapter by far, but the next chapter already has character interactions and Kurogane and all that jazz. I have quite a big chunk of this fic written already so I'll update in a couple of days!!
> 
> Thank you for reading <3


	2. if having been loved is a miracle, to have loved too, is a miracle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fai enjoys Sakura's company, him and Kurogane meet for the first time, and Yuui is an emotional mess (and a bit of a shit).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fai is so cute, my guys

Fai has never liked anyone other than Yuui, but he decides that he likes Sakura. The young princess is sweet, bright, calm and wise, but since she is also a child he feels at ease around her. She gives him space at first, but when he doesn't shy away from her touch she becomes affectionate. It's like she always knows what to say and what to do to make people feel happy and comfortable, and Fai is already terribly attached to her. He loves listening to her talk about her other self’s journey because she talks about Yuui, and Yuui had barely mentioned himself when he had been the one telling the tale.

Fai learns that Yuui is an incredible cook, that he can gracefully wield practically any weapon, and that he has a soft spot for cute girls. He already knew that he treated Sakura, Syaoran and Mokona like they were his own children, but he discovers that him and Kurogane flirt so blatantly all the time that it’s almost a little disgusting.

When Fai asks if his brother and this Kurogane-san are in a relationship, Sakura shrugs and says that if they aren’t, they surely will be in the future. Fai doesn’t know how he feels about letting someone just snatch Yuui away like that, but if Kurogane makes his brother happy he will let him have him. He has not met the man though, so he will still have to judge him with his own eyes to decide if he gives him his approval.

After a while, he learns just how much Kurogane has sacrificed to make sure Yuui would stay alive, and Fai doesn’t know what to make of it.

Sakura is braiding Fai’s long hair when Yuui comes back to their room. His eyes widen when he sees how close Fai and Sakura are sitting, but his gaze softens immediately, an effortless smile taking over his features. Fai can't help a small smile of his own, thinking that he would have sacrificed his life over and over again just to protect that look on his brother’s face. He starts to feel like he might get along with Kurogane, because he’d definitely chop his arm off without hesitation for Yuui.

“How is Kurogane-san?” Sakura asks, dropping her hands from Fai’s hair and folding them on her lap. “He better be behaving.”

Yuui laughs and sits next to Fai on the bed, draping an arm around his shoulders as a greeting. They may not be the same size anymore, but Fai fits perfectly against his brother’s body, and he feels the safest there. Yuui must know that because he hugs him close at every given occasion.

“He’s very grumpy and very sulky, but you know how daddy’s all bark and no bite.” Yuui winks at the princess and she giggles. “I made sure he stayed in bed, don’t worry. Syaoran-kun is with him now.”

Fai looks up at his brother, marvelling at the ease and contentment of his expression. He looks good; handsome and healthy, only a few bandages here and there and the occasional distant, melancholic look giving away the hardships he has been through. His hair is longer than how they had worn it while they still had the privilege to be able to cut it, but it’s different than it had been before. It’s clean and styled, it looks and feels fluffy, and Fai is sure it doesn’t feel as heavy as his own hair, longer than his entire body. He looks down at his lap and tugs at a braided strand.

“Fai? Is something the matter?”

He shakes his head, trying to smile reassuringly. He isn’t sure if he can pull off that expression just yet, but he doesn’t like Yuui’s expression when he’s so concerned.

“I might want to cut my hair,” he explains, tugging at the braid again. “It’s heavy.”

 _Heavy with weight and heavy with memories,_ he doesn’t say.

“Oh, of course!” Yuui says, his smile widening. His eyes are a little dark though. He must be musing over the reason why it grew so long in the first place as well. “How short should we cut it?”

Fai eyes his brother again, and wonders how he would look with that hair length. He can’t quite picture it, not having seen himself in a mirror in years— and not being able to see his own reflection in Yuui anymore.

He sort of wants to erase all the traces of the tower he could too. Drawing a blank slate and starting from there could be good. Will be good. Things can be good now.

“As long as we had it when we were last together,” he says.

Yuui smiles like Fai has just given him everything he has ever wanted just with that small request. His eyes are knowing, and Fai’s chest swells with warmth at the thought that he has made his brother proud.

“I’ll go fetch some scissors, if you’d like,” Sakura speaks up, and when Fai turns around he finds himself mirroring her smile. She clasps her hands together, looking delighted. "I bet short hair will suit Fai-kun wonderfully!"

Fai's smile turns sheepish, but he nods. 

 

* * *

 

Kurogane stares at the little brat, feeling way too disoriented for his liking. Seeing him with hair so long he could use it as a blanket, starved to his bones and draped in dirty rags had been one thing. Seeing a miniature version of the mage shyly staring up at him is weird to say the least. He even has the same exact haircut the idiot had had before everything had gone to hell in Tokyo.

The mini-mage hides half of his body behind his brother, who sets a hand on his tiny head to soothe him. Kurogane averts his eyes a little because one pair of intense blue eyes staring at him is one thing, two of them is… it’s a lot.

“Aw, Kuro-tan is shy!” The mage coos, and just like that he has gotten Kurogane snapping his head back to glare at him.

Not that he has Kurogane wrapped around his finger or anything. Kurogane reacts because he damn well wants to, not because the mage gets under his skin or anything.

(Except he does, and sometimes Kurogane feels as hopeless as the other man insists he is.)

“Am not,” he growls. The squirt makes a tiny noise and hides further behind the mage.

“Are too! And stop scaring Fai with your yapping, you growly dog.” A pale finger is waved in front of his face in clear disapproval. Kurogane wants to slap it away, but he’s leaning his weight on his only hand and biting the digit will not help his case of _I’m not a fucking dog, thank you very much_. “You’re supposed to be good with children, remember?”

“I’m not,” Kurogane says (not _yaps_ , ninjas don’t yap). “And I wasn’t yapping.”

“Yes you are and yes you were.” The mage sighs and turns to his brother with melodramatic exasperation, as if he were a rational adult dealing with a stubborn child. “It’s okay, Fai, I’m telling you Kuro-woof is all bark and no bite.”

Kurogane rolls his eyes and refrains from yelling at the mage, genuinely not wanting to cause a scene in front of the jumpy, nervous child he not-so-secretly wants to leave a good impression on. After all, the squirt is the mage’s most important person, and Kurogane… Well, Kurogane knows he is important too. He knows how much joy the other man will get from seeing his brother and his… whatever Kurogane is to him getting along; and gods know that big, blonde idiot could get every ounce of happiness possible in the world and that still would be less than he deserves.

He lets his eyes shift from one brother to the other, his eyes lingering on the mage’s fingers and the way they sweetly stroke the boy’s hair. He remembers those same hands grasping and clawing at smooth stone, leaving traces of blood and skin, desperately trying to close the distance between one twin and the other. That distance is no more, and Kurogane can’t help the smile that tugs at his lips at the sight of the reunited family of two.

“Oh my,” the mage says when he sees that smile, an amused glint to his eyes, “to what do we owe the pleasure?” As he turns to his brother again his expression shifts from amusement to bewilderment, and it’s so fast that Kurogane can’t help but snort, trying to ready himself for the bullshit that will spill from that pretty mouth. Blue eyes snap shut and the man clasps his hands together so loudly that his twin flinches, alarmed. “Quick, Fai, make a wish! Before Kuro-sama’s smile disappears!”

The little squirt innocently closes his eyes and holds his own hands, mirroring his brother perfectly (and the sight of it is way cuter than it has the right to be). Kurogane’s grin widens, but he plays his part.

“We aren't in the witch’s shop, mage.”

“They say his smiles appear and disappear as quickly as shooting stars,” the mage says in a sing song voice, opening an eye to look at the ninja, and then at his brother, who still has his hands clamped together. “So rare legend has it they grant wishes!”

“Oh yeah?” Kurogane says, and if he had two arms he would have crossed them. “What’d you wish for, mage?”

And then the dumbass, the _stupid fucking moron,_ has the gall to eye Kurogane up and down with a knowing smirk. His gaze lingers on Kurogane’s mouth, and when blue meets red again, he licks his lips. It’s blatantly suggestive, and his brother is _right there_ , and he’s a kid, and the mage is a sick bastard, and Kurogane chokes on his spit.

“If you say wishes out loud they won’t come true,” the mage says with a low voice. He puts a hand on his brother’s shoulder, and the change in his attitude fades as abruptly as it had appeared. “So keep yours quiet, okay, Fai?”

The kid nods, and Kurogane realizes two things when he looks at him. One: the squirt hasn’t said a single word since he entered the room. Two:

“Oi,” he says, catching the twins’ attention. He nods his head towards the one he knows. “What the hell am I supposed to call you now that there’s two of you?”

“Mage,” the mage answers in a heartbeat. “Idiot. Dumbass. Moron. Pain in the ass.”

“Yuui!” The squirt gasps, scandalized. He looks as if he’s never heard a single bad word in his life.

All the mage does is shrug, smiling nonchalantly when he sees Kurogane’s scowl.

“It’s not like Kuro-sama has ever called me by my name,” he says, shrugging again. “You should have no trouble, should you?”

_(Except he had, months and months ago, when both of their eyes were unnaturally black and the mage was left alone in his own head for six whole months. The mage had been stripped of what had always been his sword and shield, his lies. So his facade had dropped quick, and he had withdrawn into himself, not even forcing strained smiles, not even looking at Kurogane in the eyes._

_Names meant more to Kurogane than he’d ever admit out loud. They carried a heavy weight, a weight of trust, respect and devotion. Ever since the death of his parents, he had thought he could live the rest of his life only uttering his master’s name. After a while, his repertoire had increased from Tomoyo to Tomoyo and Souma, since both him and the female ninja protected the same master with everything they had and that bond was deeper than one would expect._

_In Yama, he had already known that he trusted and respected the kid and the princess, and even the white thing. He did not trust the mage fully, but he could read him like an open book when the other wasn’t pushing him away, and he knew for a fact that if he left his back open to the blond, he would not be harmed._

_And Kurogane respected him, in one way or the other. He was the type of guy Kurogane hated the most, but he did not hate_ him _. He respected the mage’s devotion for the kids, his strength and wits, and the raw power he wasn’t so skilled at hiding._

_But Kurogane was still travelling with strangers, and he did not have the luxury to let them be so dear to him that leaving them would hurt. And the mage refused to meet his eyes in Yama, so Kurogane could not read him at all. He kept telling himself he didn’t care and ended up realizing how false that was when a stray arrow flew towards an unflinching mage and Kurogane felt himself stop breathing as he blocked it with Souhi._

_When he had looked at his travelling companion, his eyes were already averted, his expression grim, and Kurogane couldn’t even yell at him because he wouldn’t understand_ . _So he grabbed the stupid idiot by his collar and pulled him close._

_“Fai,” he growled, and that was all it took for wide black eyes to look at him. “We’re in this together, damnit! You can go rot when we find the kid and the princess again, but you have to stay with me now, Fai.”_

_The mage blinked slowly before whispering, “Kuro-sama.”_

_And that was all they had needed for their remaining months in Yama._ )

“I’m serious,” Kurogane says.

“So am I,” the mage shoots back. He sighs though, and a bittersweet smile overtakes his features when he looks down at his brother. “I had only borrowed the name, and now I’ve given it back. So...”

The blond shrugs and doesn’t try to hide his conflicting feelings behind a mask. Kurogane doesn’t have the time to feel proud or sad, because a tiny hand is thrust in front of him before he can process the sound of quick footsteps.

“I’m Fai,” the squirt says, visibly nervous. “That’s my brother, Yuui. Nice to meet you, Kurogane.”

Kurogane catches the boy’s gaze, and he understands that he isn’t the only one to love the mage enough to push everything aside for his sake, be it anxiety or fear or anything else that could hold them back.  

He shakes the boy’s hand, giving a firm squeeze.

“You too, squirt,” he says.

He holds back a smile when the boy frowns, confused, and stares at his brother with wide, questioning eyes.

The mage— _Yuui_ seems taken aback, his eyes are wide and his brows are raised so high they're completely hidden under his bangs. He recovers, sort of, a genuine chuckle escaping his lips. He shakes his head and approaches them both, his gaze so incredibly fond when he looks at them that Kurogane’s heart does a funny little flip. He feels the mattress dip under Yuui’s weight, and he tries not to freeze when he's got his personal space full of mage, thigh touching thigh and shoulder touching shoulder.

“If he addresses you only with that from now on,” the blonde says, putting his hand over Kurogane and Fai’s, still joined in a handshake. “That’s how Kuro-sama shows his love.” When he turns to smile at him, soft and open and tender and _true_ , Kurogane’s breath catches. “Right?”

This is all so stupid. Kurogane's still too unused to those kind of smiles and those kind of gazes and that kind of closeness to be able to function around it all. Infinity had only been weeks ago, for fuck’s sake, the ninja can't be blamed for being overwhelmed.

“Shut up,” he grumbles, trying not to think about the way Yuui’s hand lingers on his after the squirt has let go.

“See?” The mage whispers, and when Kurogane turns to look at him he sees he's not the one being talked to. The bigger brother has scooped the smaller one in his arms, tugging him close so he can nuzzle his hair. “Isn't he cute?”

Fai scrunches up his nose at the same time that Kurogane sputters something incoherent.

Yuui hides a bright smile in his brother’s hair, holding eye contact with Kurogane. The ninja scowls and looks down at because eye contact with the mage isn’t safe at the moment. The younger twin is looking back at him, seemingly confused.

“What?” Kurogane says, hoping that the brat isn't trying to find traces of cuteness in a face that has none, no matter what the idiot says.

The squirt frowns.

“I don't understand why you don't say names,” he says. “Names matter.”

The first thought in Kurogane’s mind is the image of Fai clutching at the bars of the small window in the tower, crying his heart out while he yells Yuui’s name over and over again, his voice eclipsed by his twin’s agonized screams.

He looks up at Yuui, and it's too easy to picture him screaming and writhing like he did in that valley. After Tokyo, after Infinity, after Celes, it's way too easy.

_Good morning, Kurogane._

“They do,” Kurogane agrees. He doesn’t think the boy understands, but he doesn’t want to go into detail.

Yuui does understand though. It's a small whisper, but Kurogane hears that “Kuro-sama” as clear as day. He can't help but wonder how ‘Youou’ would sound in that soft voice.

“I still don't…” Fai mumbles, looking down.

“Names can mean very different things depending on the person, Fai,” the mage says, looking straight into Kurogane’s eyes. The ninja holds his gaze. “You used mine as a lifeline. I used yours as a shield. I'm sure Kuro-tan keeps the names he doesn't say close to his heart.”

Kurogane remembers the hushed whispers of Fai’s name in Yama, wonders how the mage’s expression would look if he said his real name. Wonders how ‘Yuui’ would roll off his tongue.

Kurogane wants to kiss Yuui, but there's a kid in the way. There’s always a kid in the way, with the two of them. It’s ridiculous.

“Is that true?” Fai asks Kurogane, curiosity overshadowing confusion. Kurogane shrugs, watches the little boy pull away from his brother to be able to look at him in the eyes. “Then why do you never call him by his full name? Does that have a meaning too?”

Yuui visibly tenses, and Kurogane has to hold back a sharp intake of breath.

“He just does it to annoy me,” Kurogane speaks, trying not to wince as he lies. “I don’t know how your brother was when you were kids, but he’s one hell of a nuisance now.”

Fai frowns.

“That’s mean, Yuui isn’t a nuisance,” he says before turning to look at his brother. “And you shouldn’t use nicknames just to annoy people, Yuui.”

Kurogane expects the childish pout that overtakes Yuui’s features, but Fai seems surprised at the sheer exaggeration of it.

“But they don’t annoy him anymore!” The mage whines, kicking his feet a little. “Kuro-tan will get grumpy if I don’t use them because he loves them so much now!”

“I don’t love them, I tolerate them,” he corrects, reaching out to playfully punch the idiot on the arm. “And that’s just because you dropped the stupider ones.”

“What’s that, Kuro-pipi?”

He throws another punch at the mage, who dodges it gracefully before gathering his brother into his arms, hurrying towards the door. Before he knows it, Kurogane is on his feet, grabbing the mage’s loose robes and tugging backwards. Yuui yelps and lets Fai down on the ground.

“Gah! Save yourself, Fai!” He says in between snickers, and Kurogane can see a glint of recognition and amusement in the little boy’s eyes. “Go to Sakura-chan, she’ll protect you! Avenge me together!”

Fai nods and runs down the hallway with a small giggle. Kurogane’s just met the brat, but he can’t help but smile at the sight. Gods know that squirt deserves to act like a child, and if going along with Kurogane and Yuui’s ridiculous banter is what it’ll take, the ninja will gladly fall back into it every time the other man starts it.

Yuui suddenly turns around, freeing himself from Kurogane’s grasp as he faces him and making the taller man stumble and flail with the only arm he has. Long hands grasp his hips firmly, steadying him, and his breath catches in his throat when he looks down and finds blue eyes staring at him from merely inches away.

“You shouldn’t move so suddenly, Kuro-sama,” Yuui says, his voice low and serious. “It takes longer than a few days for wounds like these to heal.”

“I’m fine.” Kurogane grunts, looking away. “I can at least stand on my own.”

Yuui retreats his hands and takes a step back. Kurogane loses his balance again, and he has to grab onto the mage’s shoulder to keep himself steady. The hands go back to his hips as quickly as they disappeared from the spot.

“You got your prosthetic arm almost as soon as you lost your real one,” Yuui whispers, his gaze somber. “You’re obviously not used to keeping your balance with one limb missing.”

“It’s not that b— Hey!”

The mage ignores Kurogane’s complaints as he leads him back to the bed with one arm around his waist. When the ninja is seated down again, the mage kneels in front of him, meeting his eyes with a sad smile.

“You’re just hopeless, aren’t you, Kuro-tan?” He tilts his head. “You’re worrying the children.”

“Hmph. Not my fault they’re making this injury a bigger deal than what it actually is.” He flinches when the mage lightly taps his left shoulder, sending a jolt of pain through his side. “Ngh!”

He’s about to curse at the idiot because _of course_ the wound will hurt if he touches it, but the bastard’s looking up at him with a smile that can only be described as affectionate and, well, dazzling.

“...You really are hopeless,” he says, and Kurogane frowns and looks away.

“Yeah, well, you’re not much better.”

A quiet chuckle.

“I guess I’m not.”

Kurogane eyes the mage and sighs, knowing he’s fighting a losing battle. He’s been aggressively trying to take care of the guy for almost as long as the journey has lasted, he might as well accept Yuui giving back the favor now that he’s not a walking self-destructive bomb waiting to go off.

Kurogane catches the mage sneaking a glance at the open door, so he nudges him with his foot.

“Shouldn’t you go to your brother?” He says when Yuui’s attention is turned back to him.

The mage shakes his head and smiles again.

“He’s actually made plans with Sakura-chan after this. She’s gonna show him and Mokona the palace gardens.”

Kurogane snorts.

“That was a weird send-off you gave him, then.”

“Perhaps.” Yuui stands up so he can sit next to Kurogane in the bed, and he bumps his shoulder against the ninja’s good one. “Say, Kuro-sama…”

“What’s up?” He says, bumping him back with more force and trying to hide a faint blush that he can already feel coming.

It’s only been a few days, after all. The mage had him so used to distance he doesn’t know how to deal with this proximity.

“What did you think of Fai?” Yuui asks, his voice so quiet it almost isn’t audible.

Kurogane tuns to look at him, arching an eyebrow, and he finds the mage smiling down at his lap. It’s one of those smiles that isn’t totally fake, but not completely real either.

“Why’re you asking?” When the mage shrugs, Kurogane frowns. “He’s your family. My opinion shouldn’t matter.”

“But you’re my family too,” Yuui answers, still staring at his lap. “So it does matter.”

Kurogane’s throat goes dry. The mage has been making family jokes for many months now, and Kurogane has long since accepted the kid, the princess, and even the manjuu as his own. He knows that whenever him or Yuui say ‘the children’ they mean ‘our children’, he knows they’re more of a family than just travelling companions. But it’s the first time either of the two adults has acknowledged each other as family, and the implications that come with where they stand are too big, too significant.

Not that the ninja doesn’t know what he feels for Yuui, or what Yuui feels for him, but he still hadn’t expected either of them to make any sort of move just yet. Not that this is a move towards anything, but Kurogane does _want_ the mage in his family, he wants him by his side in his future in Nihon—and maybe, just maybe, Suwa too.

He has to clear his throat so his voice doesn’t crack when he speaks again. God, he really is hopeless. He’s so far gone.

“I mean, we’ve barely talked, but I can tell he loves you a lot,” he says, nudging the mage’s cheek with his knuckles so the other will look at him. “He seems a good kid, maybe he has to learn to relax a little but at least he’s honest. Unlike you.”

The mage pouts a little. A good sign.

“Aw, do you love him more than me already?”

 _I don’t think there’s anyone that could make me love them more than I love you,_ Kurogane thinks.

“Careful with what you wish for,” Kurogane says.

Yuui laughs and lets his weight rest on Kurogane’s side, relaxing. Kurogane himself sighs and looks up at the tall ceiling.

“Y’know,” he speaks up after a while, still looking up. “I already liked the squirt before you introduced us just now. And if I hadn’t seen anything from your past, if you told me you had a twin that you loved more than anything, then I would’ve liked him from then on too.”

Yuui’s breath seems to shudder, and he deliberately presses up against Kurogane’s shoulder. Kurogane can feel eyes on him, but he still doesn’t look down.

“Why?” Yuui whispers.

Kurogane shrugs lightly and turns his head to look at the other man. He’s so close he can feel his warm breath on his cheek, and those eyes he has come to love so much are staring up at him with visible expectation.

“Even if you’re kind to most you don't let yourself love a lot of people, mage,” he replies, equally as quiet. “The ones you do, I know they're worth it.”

The mage purses his lips, but his gaze doesn’t flicker.

“Even Ashura-ou?”

“You sure you want to ask this to his killer?”

The mage lets his head drop, resting his forehead on the ninja’s shoulder. Kurogane has to resist reaching up to run his hand through blonde hair.

“You just wanted to help me,” Yuui whispers. “You can consider yourself a killer for other lives you’ve taken, but not for this one. Please.”

Kurogane looks up again, breathing deeply. He doesn’t want to accept that so easily, fully aware that the mage is still trying to take the blame for everything his king had done. Still, he won’t argue when he’s asked like that, so he decides to answer his previous question.

“I don’t like him, but, well… He raised you into a good man. He made bad choices and was really unfair to you in the end, but he clearly held you dear. Wasn't his fault he went mad. Let’s just blame that Wang bastard. Everything’s always his fault.”

Yuui chuckles, his breath tickling Kurogane’s neck.

“We killed him, though,” he says against his skin, his tone playful. “Who do we blame now that he’s dead, Kuro-tan?”

Kurogane grins.

“Hitsuzen, obviously.” He jumps when he feels teeth biting hard into the junction between his shoulder and his neck. He shoves the mage away, sputtering and blushing furiously. “Shit! _The hell_ , mage?”

The mage is laughing loudly, completely unaffected by the mortified glare Kurogane is aiming at him. As soon as the laughter comes, it goes, and now the idiot is wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“Come on, Kuro-whine, as if you haven’t had worse bites of mine on your body,” he says, his smile almost wicked. “At least I don’t have big, scary fangs anymore.”

Kurogane feels too stunned to speak, his face feeling way too hot and the tingling ache of the bite feeling way too present. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, his hand wiping the spit on his shoulder.

“You— Just— Why the _hell_ did you do that?” He stammers, wiping his hand on the sheets now.

The mage raises his hands above his head in mock surrender.

“Don’t blame me! Blame hitsuzen!”

Yuui’s obnoxious laughter is stifled by the pillow Kurogane throws at his stupid face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes kurogane's nickname for fai is "squirt". yes I think it's cute.
> 
> also this fic is actually divided into three arcs: one in clow, another one takes place during the family's second journey (sakura sweetie I'll miss you so much), and the final one is in nihon. clow arc ends next chapter.


	3. laughing here or crying out loud, whichever way I do is a miracle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fai learns what has changed about Yuui during the years they've been apart, and Yuui shows him what hasn't. Yuui thinks about the future (and, by extension, Kurogane).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imma keep it real with you, I'm the messiest writer alive and although I've already got 15k words and counting more of this I just realized that maybe I shouldn't have written it all out of order because I have no idea how to piece it together now. I'll manage somehow but I'm thinking I should maybe reconsider my "let's just wing it haha" writing method. can't believe being an idiot has finally backfired

Fai learns more things. He learns that Yuui likes to spoil all his travelling companions, but that he has a huge soft spot for Sakura in particular. As much as Fai likes Syaoran’s calm nature, Mokona’s sweetness and Kurogane’s sincerity, he himself feels like he has a soft spot for Sakura as well. The wavelengths of her magic are as pleasant as her personality, and her smile is incredibly contagious. The fact that she sometimes has fits over silly things and that she’s more playful and silly than she had seemed at first makes her very approachable too.  

He learns that Mokona can fit anything in her mouth and then spit it out without any troubles. He starts stuffing random objects in her mouth just for fun. One time Sakura finds him doing that and decides to join him. They try out how fast Mokona can swallow up objects when both Sakura and Fai throw them at her at the same time. Yukito, the pleasant priest, finds them and unexpectedly joins in the fun as well, making a game out of throwing his staff into the magical construct and juggling it when she spits it out again. When Yuui finds them, it gets out of hand. Syaoran almost faints when he sees Fai holding Mokona with both hands while the rest of the group try to stuff a king sized bed into her. That day Fai laughs so hard that he starts crying and his stomach starts hurting. He discovers that ache can be pleasant sometimes.

He discovers vegetation and animals unlike anything he could have ever imagined, with colors so vivid that they could have never been replicated in any way in Valeria. The food he tastes for the first time in Clow ranges from delicious to downright awful, and Fai fears when Yuui tells him tales of raw fish. Both twins are shocked when Kurogane starts describing just how many different dishes in his country have raw stuff in them.

Yuui teaches him how to make simple wards and protective spells, and he practices those rigorously during his free time. Whenever he does well, his brother promises to teach him something new, and Fai discovers the joys of learning.

He learns that Kurogane is hopelessly in love with Yuui, and that the two men have a weird dynamic going on in which they sort of babysit each other. They move almost in sync with one another, and when they're together it feels like proximity is as essential as breathing for them. He decides that even if Kurogane is a little scary, he's a good man. Despite his rudeness, he's been really nice to him. Plus, he makes Yuui laugh, so everything is good in Fai’s book.

Little by little, Fai recovers his strength. He feels better than ever, and he has stopped believing that Clow is nothing more than a dream. The only thing he truly can't come to terms with, at least not yet, is the time Yuui has spent apart from him. Being identical twins meant they were always the same, always together, always a mirror image of each other. Having to look up to make eye contact with his twin is already disorienting in its own right, and the fact that Yuui is so mind-blowingly tall doesn't help.

Fai spins around while he looks at his reflection in the mirror of his room, white robes rustling as he moves his body from one side to the other. He cups his cheeks with both hands, squishing the chub that they have regained. Fai tries to pout in the way that Yuui always does, and he smiles when he sees the resemblance. He's ruffling his chin-length hair when he hears the door open.

“What are you up to?” Yuui asks, and Fai turns around to look up at him. He hums with a sort of dramatic exaggeration he has learnt from his brother these past few days, and Yuui chuckles, amused. “Fai?”

“Do you think I'll be as tall as you when I grow up?” The boy asks.

“Of course you will. We’re identical twins, remember? We’ll always look the same.”

Fai frowns and looks down.

“Are we, though? Twins, I mean.”

Yuui doesn't reply immediately. He walks over to him instead, putting his hands on Fai’s shoulders and arranging their positions so they are both facing the mirror. Fai stares at the reflection, pursing his lips at the way in which long fingers envelop the entirety of his narrow shoulders. Yuui is around three heads taller than him, Fai only reaching his brother’s abdomen.  

No matter how he looks at it, the gap between them is too obvious. They’re a child and an adult, two people whose lives and experiences can’t even compare to one another.

Fai has wished that him and Yuui hadn’t been born twins more times than he can count, but the thought that they aren’t really twins anymore is making him feel so cold that he forgets he is in Clow instead of Valeria.

“We are,” Yuui speaks suddenly, jolting the boy out of his train of thought. When their eyes meet in the mirror, Yuui is smiling, sad and melancholic, but tender and genuine. “You’re my other self, Fai, and nothing will ever change that. We’re twins. Two halves of a whole.”

Fai blinks a couple of times before lowering his gaze, feeling his eyes burning. He lets out a shaky exhale, and the hands on his shoulders tighten slightly, steadying him.

“Okay,” he whispers, because Yuui has always had a knack for making the impossible feel possible, and he wants this badly enough that just a single reassurance is enough for him. “We’re twins.”

“We are,” Yuui reiterates, loosely wrapping his arms around Fai’s neck and pulling him flush against him. “And no one will ever tear us apart again.”

Fai lets himself relax against his brother, reaching up to grab onto his wrists.

“Do you think,” he whispers, finally gathering the courage to voice a thought he’s been having since the day he awakened, “that now that we’re together we’re going to bring misfortune to this world too?”

He can feel Yuui’s entire body tensing and then relaxing again, and he turns around to wrap his arms around his brother’s waist and bury his head in his stomach. Yuui hugs him back, close and tight, his hands trembling slightly.

“I can’t… I can’t say I haven’t thought of that too. But, you know what, Fai?” Fai shakes his head, and he can hear a the hint of a smile in Yuui’s voice when he speaks again. “I’ve been to so many worlds I even forget at times, but Valeria is the only one where people thought that twins brought misfortune.”

Fai pulls back and blinks up at his brother in disbelief. The smile he receives in return for his surprised stare makes him feel just a tiny bit hopeful.

“Really?”

“Really. I still can’t help but think that I’ll bring misfortune to those around me, and I understand if you do too, but, you know?” Yuui kneels down and pulls Fai back into a hug again, this time letting the boy wrap his arms around his neck and nuzzle against his cheek. “I’ve lost count of the times Kuro-tan has gotten mad at me for thinking that way. Sakura-chan has scolded me so many times too, and Syaoran-kun and Mokona are constantly reassuring me that it’s fine. We may not believe it, Fai, but they do. And I believe them.”

Fai tightens his grip just slightly, smiling at how easily the picture of Sakura and Kurogane scolding Yuui comes to his mind.

“I believe them too, I think,” Fai says, his smile widening when Yuui does an atrocious job at hiding his delight at that, since he basically squeezes Fai’s breath out of him. He has to wheeze out the next part; “I believe in you most, though.”

Yuui pulls back and looks at Fai with so much affection and emotion that the boy thinks it will never be Valeria in his heart again, not with his brother by his side. The older twin cups the younger’s face and brings his lips to kiss one eyelid, and then the other.

“I love you, you know?” is all that he says, but Fai understands what he’s truly saying.

_I love you, I love being your twin, and I want you to know that you’re allowed to use your magic, that you’re allowed to live the life we were deprived of. That you can live it by my side._

Fai feels a small twinge of envy at the maturity and experience he lacks in comparison to Yuui, but that feeling is easy to bury when he places butterfly kisses on his brother’s eyelids and earns a joyful giggle.

“I know,” Fai replies. “I love you too.”

 

* * *

 

Yuui and Fai swing their joined arms as they walk, making a silly little competition out of it. They probably shouldn’t, being two convalescent people taking a walk in the midst of a busy marketplace, but who cares. Fai makes a little yelp when he stumbles and falls forward, and before Yuui can react and tug him back to stand, a muscular arm wraps around the boy’s chest, holding him in place. Yuui smiles softly and looks up at Kurogane (who had stubbornly placed himself at Fai’s other side and made a terrible job of hiding the fact that he wanted to shield the boy’s still fragile body from the crowd).

“Fai!” Mokona exclaims, hopping from Kurogane’s shoulder to Fai’s. She wraps her stubby paws around Fai’s neck as she speaks, “are you okay?”

Fai’s “Ah, yes, thank you,” is muffled by Kurogane’s reprimanding “How about you two idiots stop walking around like clowns?” By this point, Fai has already learnt not to take Kurogane’s harshness seriously, and he snickers as he rushes back to Yuui, his head bowed.

“Don’t be such a grump, Kuro-sama,” Yuui says, knowing his expression is thankful and sincere, but teasing the ninja anyway.  “It’s not our fault that you hate fun.”

Kurogane frowns and grunts, but he doesn’t argue back like usual. All he does is pat Fai on the back a little harder than he should and continue walking as he ignores Mokona’s chants of “Kuro-grump! Kuro-grump!”. Yuui lets Fai’s hand go so that the boy can hold onto Mokona with both arms, and they jog up to catch up with Kurogane, resuming their leisurely walk.

“Have you decided yet?” Kurogane speaks up after a little while, when the street they’re on is quieter and less crowded. “What you’re going to do from now on.”

As soon as Mokona had come flying at them to announce Sakura had had a dream, Yuui had known this question was coming. Already being aware of the price Syaoran had paid and his wish to find his lost parents, the rest of the family only has two options to choose from. In Yuui’s opinion, the choice isn’t all that difficult. At least not to him, whose home isn’t a world, but the people he’s surrounded with at the moment.

Yuui sets a hand on his brother’s back. “Do you still want to travel, Fai?” He asks. When his twin nods, he looks up at Kurogane. “There you go.”

The ninja huffs, probably biting back a question akin to ‘what do _you_ want, mage?’. Yuui almost rolls his eyes, because honestly, his Kuro-sama really is hopeless. The ninja surely knows what Yuui wants. They haven’t needed words to communicate their wishes and intentions for a long while now, yet he is still hell-bent on asking, on making Yuui feel like his opinions and feelings matter every single time he gets the chance. Yuui still isn’t fully ready to admit how much he loves the care and consideration Kurogane insists on giving him, but he can’t bring himself to reject it either. Not anymore.

Yuui doesn’t ask Kurogane what he is going to do because he already knows. The prospect of it makes him quite a bit giddy.

“Hey, Fai! Hey, Fai!” Mokona chirps from Fai’s arms as they make their way towards the outskirts of the city. “Out of all the worlds we told you about, which one do you want to go to the most?”

Fai regards the question for a little while, humming, and Yuui tries to guess the answer in his head. Piffle seems very likely, a world so very different from the only two he knows that his eyes had lit up with curiosity and wonder. However, LeCourt is a paradise for any mage willing to use their magic, and now that neither him nor Fai are afraid of it, he knows they’d have a blast there. Too bad they’re hunted criminals there.

“Nihon,” is Fai’s simple reply, and Yuui’s eyes immediately shoot up to look at Kurogane’s shocked expression. He has an odd need to grasp exactly what that answer means to the ninja.

“Why?” Mokona asks, apparently unaware of the two adults’ stupor—but only apparently, because she can feel what others feel, and she must know exactly what is going on.

Fai shrugs, looking down at his feet instead, a nervous air to his stance.

“It sounded lovely,” he explains. “Yuui spent the longest talking about it, and since Kurogane loves it so much I assume it must be more beautiful than any other worlds you guys have visited.”

And he’s right, gods he’s right, because Yuui lost his daughter and his magic in that world, and yet when he thinks about Nihon the first things that come to his mind are clean air, beautiful buildings and silks, and Kurogane’s stunning smile illuminated by the moonlight.  

And if Yuui can get to see the ninja so relaxed and content again, his expression exuding pride and love and relief and anything but regret for what he’s sacrificed, he wants to go to Nihon the most too. If he can dress up in those strange robes that had Kurogane’s gaze lingering on him longer than usual, if he can see Kurogane in his element, in the place where he truly belongs, if he can have all of that again… Well, he suddenly has to resist the temptation of using his own transportation magic right then and there to bring them to Shirasagi castle immediately.

“It is lovely,” Kurogane eventually says, his features softening in that specific way that punches all of Yuui’s breath right out of his lungs. The ninja never says words like ‘lovely’, but they sound so right in his lips when he’s talking about his beloved homeland. “Tomoyo would really like you.”

“I’m sure I’d like her too!” Fai replies, chipper and light and taking Yuui’s cheerful role because Yuui certainly can’t think, can barely breathe, let alone speak. “I’d love to meet her in Piffle too.”

The conversation trails off to Tomoyo Daidouji of Piffle Princess and a much needed new prosthetic arm, but Yuui keeps out of it, promptly ignoring the red eyes he can feel boring into his skin.

_I want to be a part of his home,_ Yuui thinks with horror. _I want him to take me to Nihon with him to spend the rest of our lives together. I want to belong where he belongs._

The blond has to actively suppress a pained groan at the realization, because this is not what he should be thinking about before agreeing to another journey to help his son and make his brother happy, and as much as him and Kurogane love each other this is a little much. And by a little he means a whole damn lot, because Yuui has never had love or a future to think about, and it's all been coming to him in waves since Nihon, and now he's sneaked a glance at Kurogane and that piercing gaze is intense and it looks all knowing and Yuui is gonna pass out.

Hey, at least he can blame it on Clow’s unforgiving heat and sun. It's been killing him for their entire stay anyway, it wouldn't be a complete lie.

All in all, Yuui is thankful for the fact that Kurogane is only ever confrontational when the two of them are alone. For now they make their way towards the tall rocky platform where the two mages can feel Sakura’s magic coming from. Conversation goes from idle to non-existent as they go up the stairs and snippets of the children’s conversation start slipping through.

“Once I find that way,” Syaoran is saying, “I will ask the other self that lies within me. What he desires… and what he chooses.”

Yuui feels his chest swell with pride and love for his two sons, the one that has been lost and the one that hasn’t given up on getting the other back. His gaze locks with Kurogane’s, and he can see his own feelings reflected in red eyes. He smiles softly and lifts two fingers, writing violet runes in the air around their little party. Fai immediately recognizes the spell, since it’s one Yuui has already taught him, and he starts making his way higher up the stairs.

“Me too,” Sakura is saying as Kurogane opens his mouth in a question that he can’t produce. “I want to see the other self that lies within me again. But… I can’t go with you, can I?”

Yuui grabs Kurogane’s wrist and tugs him to follow Fai and Mokona up the stairs.

“Sakura…”

“I want to go with you, but if I were to do so, your journey would only be more painful. That’s what I dreamed. I don’t want everyone to have to go through all that pain anymore, so… I’ll stay.”

Yuui wants to dash up the stairs, pull his one and only princess into his arms, and tell her that no pain can compare to the pain of being separated from her. However, this moment is hers and Syaoran’s, and since he’s already eavesdropping he’s not going to interrupt them like that. He settles on the last flight of stairs, right underneath his children, his hand still enveloping Kurogane’s wrist. He looks up at the ninja.

“Um…” Sakura goes on, her voice jittery with nerves. “There’s one thing I have to say before you do go. Something I’ve been wanting to say for a long time.”

Fai and Mokona have their attention on the pair sitting above them, but Kurogane and Yuui are just staring at each other.

“I… love…”

The sound of clothes rustling can be heard from above. Yuui tightens his grip on Kurogane’s wrist, and Kurogane leans down just slightly.

“Sakura… I love you.”

_I want a future with you,_ Yuui mouths, the sound escaping his lips lost to the spell.

“I… love you too.”

Kurogane’s mouth parts, but Yuui has already let go of his wrist to dissolve the spell. He climbs up another step and lets out an audible chuckle that startles the kids before turning back to a frowning Kurogane.

“Ehmm…” Yuui says, waving a hand in the air. “Did we maybe get here a little too soon?”

Kurogane glares at him for the rest of the conversation, but he doesn’t say anything. Yuui avoids his gaze, because he hates feeling like a coward, and he knows that’s exactly what he’s being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the titles for these first three chapters have been taken out of the song "kiseki" by amazarashi. I highly recommend you check it out and look up a lyrics translation for it, it's gorgeous
> 
> anyway, dimensional travel ahead!! I may have overindulged on clamp's cameo syndrome on the next few chapters, but it was loads of fun so who cares


	4. soil over asphalt, human skin over metal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuui's home is where the people he loves are, but Kurogane has something to say to that. They meet another Chii in another world, and the situaiton becomes silly very fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next few chapters will take place in different worlds, three of them being glorified cameos of other clamp mangas that I felt like including, a couple of them made up by me, and other two being canon in the tsubasaverse. this chapter has a quiet moment in an original one and a visit to chobits! no previous knowledge of said manga is required to understand, but if you want me to throw you a couple of bones:
> 
> -chii is an android and she has a power-on switch in her pussy it's wild
> 
> -hideki is clamp's most boring-looking character, he finds chii in a garbage heap one day. I like him but he's really lame so I can't help making fun of him
> 
> that's it, please enjoy!!

Fai takes to dimensional travel much more easily than Yuui had thought he would. The first time they’re swallowed by Mokona and spat out into another world, Fai is clinging tightly onto Yuui’s stomach, and when he lets go he staggers and falls to the ground. Lucky thing Mokona made them land in a quiet world full of greenery and the soft chirps of songbirds; good thing Fai’s first world after Clow had been peaceful enough that he had been able to adjust to the sensation without being thrown straight into danger.

They soon noticed that world did not have much to offer to them in terms of their goal, but Syaoran had decided he wanted to stay anyway. The boy had asked Kurogane to spar and train with him, not wording his intentions of helping the man get used to fighting one armed until they managed to get a replacement, but not hiding them either. After all, neither of them wanted to ask Watanuki for help in the shop so soon after the witch’s passing, and they did not have much to offer as payment as of yet anyway.

While they left father and son to their own devices, Yuui had tried to instruct Fai in some basic offensive spells so he could more easily defend himself, but his twin had refused.

“As sturdy as our defensive magic can get to be, Fai,” Yuui had said, shaking his head in bewilderment, “it’s not enough to protect yourself and others in many worlds. I’m not asking you to learn spells meant for killing, but—”

“I still don’t want to,” Fai replied with a faint smile, absentmindedly stroking Mokona’s long ears. “Even if we’re not going to be the twins of misfortune everywhere we go, our magic is still too great, and I haven’t had years to learn to control it like you have. I won’t risk using it in battle.”

“Listen, Fai, I understand where you’re coming from, but you don’t know how dangerous things can get, how easy it is to lose someone when you’re travelling between worlds. As powerful as you and all of us are, there’s just no guarantee of… of anything. And I don’t want you to get hurt.” He reached out and squeezed Fai’s shoulder, his expression grim. “Not ever again.”

“Fai…” Mokona said, and it was one of those times where she slipped up and said the wrong name out of habit, because she was reaching out with a stubby paw to touch Yuui’s knuckles.

Fai’s smile didn’t falter though, not with Yuui’s dark gaze, not with his tight grip, not with his determined words. It was then that Yuui realized that Fai had grown persevering and unwavering up in that tower, that through the years that he had been locked and forced to watch Yuui’s futile attempts at climbing an unclimbable wall he had developed an unwavering will that rivalled, if not exceeded, his twin brother’s.

“Then teach me how to move and fight with my body,” he replied, resting his own hand on top of Yuui’s and Mokona’s. “You didn’t use magic once until LeCourt in your journey, right? I’m all better now, I can move just fine, my magic is strong coursing through my body, I’m sure I can handle some physicality just fine.”

And as he spoke he took Yuui’s free hand in his own and had traced the scars on his fingertips and around his nails. Yuui had never regained much feeling on his fingertips after Valeria and the valley, a portion of his sense of touch left behind with his jagged skin and the blood he had left on those stony cold walls. He could still feel faintly, however, his scarred skin rough but sensitive, and Fai’s warmth seeped into his skin. He wondered how a winter-born child like his brother could have such a warm touch, and if his own touch was like that too.

The significance of Fai’s words and his gentle touch on the fingers that had scarred in order to set him free had been more than enough to convince Yuui, and thus he spent the remaining amount of time in that world teaching his brother how to dodge and where to aim to incapacitate an attacker.

There had been a couple of other worlds since then, all quite uneventful, and now he’s watching his brother sitting on a couch next to Syaoran, marvelling at the amount of things a mobile phone can do. Syaoran is patiently showing him how to work through it all, and Fai, new to any sort of technology of that sort, has sparkles in his eyes. Kurogane, standing next to him and leaning against the kitchen counter, snorts.

“Who knew a stupid phone would have the squirt looking happier than when he saw the sea for the first time,” the ninja comments, and Yuui smiles at the memory of his brother laughing with mirth after a particularly large wave had washed over him and made him fall on his butt, sand and saltwater seeping through his clothes.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Kuro-tan,” Yuui replies, turning to the other man with a hand on his hips. “He was no stranger to the wonders of nature, I think the amount of stuff a tiny thing like a phone can hold is much more fascinating.”

Kurogane rolls his eyes, and Yuui knows that if one of his sleeves wasn’t lying limp and empty on his side, he would be crossing his arms. This world’s technology isn’t advanced enough for a usable prosthetic, after all, and Yuui is starting to wonder if he should just send them all to Piffle with his own magic.

“Don’t talk as if you prefer technology over nature, mage,” Kurogane scoffs. “I know you.”

He does, and he’s not wrong, but Yuui decides to keep up the banter to hide how warm that particular statement makes him feel inside.

“Do you, though? Technology is convenient, and I’m _lazy_.”

“Technology is complicated, and you’re _lazy_.”

Yuui chuckles at Kurogane’s poor impersonation of his voice, but he doesn’t argue back. He simply settles against the counter and looks at Fai snap pictures of an excited Mokona and a bashful Syaoran. The pictures were what had transfixed Yuui the most the first time he had had access to a mobile phone too. He had spent so much time taking pictures of his little family to later lay on his bed and sweep through them with a fond smile. He hadn’t felt any need to take any of himself, but he had not been able to resist Sakura’s requests of taking some together with the front camera. His smile saddens, and he wishes he would’ve thought of asking Mokona for a camera to take some pictures of his daughter in her own palace, radiant and safe. He misses her dearly.

“I wonder when we’ll be brought back to Clow,” he murmurs.

“We barely just left,” Kurogane replies, his voice just as quiet.  

“Doesn’t mean we can’t miss her already.” He smiles when Syaoran makes a peace sign with his fingers and gets questioned by a confused Fai. “Especially him.”

“You’ve gotten soft, mage,” Kurogane says, and Yuui quirks an eyebrow.

“You’re one to talk, Kuro-rin.”

“I’m not soft,” Kurogane flat-out lies.

“I’ve gotten soft because I can finally allow myself to be, you know,” Yuui finally looks away from the kids to stare at the other man. Kurogane’s expression is stoic, but his eyes are burning with a feeling Yuui can’t quite place. “I’m glad I can be.”

Kurogane blinks a couple of times, as if confused, then looks away slowly. His voice is low and embarrassed when he speaks again.

“Suits you.”

Yuui tilts his head. “What?”

“Harshness never suited you,” Kurogane repeats, and when he looks at Yuui again his cheeks are dusted pink. “This is fine.”

_Oh, dear. What a cutie._

“You’re embarrassing me, Kuro-sama,” Yuui says, batting his eyelashes and feigning coyness. He promptly dodges a punch aimed at his face, and he laughs as he spins around before standing in front of the taller man, his hands clasped at his backside and his upper body bent forward. “If it were up to me, though, I wouldn’t choose Clow as our next world to go to.”

“Really,” Kurogane says flatly, his cheeks still a darker tinge than usual. _How very endearing_.

“I’d choose Piffle,” Yuui says before stepping closer and straightening his spine, looking directly at Kurogane’s left shoulder. “I’d rather not have to make a wish again, and I don’t think if we have the resources to pay either Watanuki-kun or anyone other than Tomoyo-chan.”

“I don’t have the resources to stand that Fuuma asshole again,” Kurogane says, and that makes Yuui laugh. He looks up to make eye contact, and Kurogane is grinning himself. Yuui gets the message: Kurogane can wait. Then so will he.

“What world would you choose to go to next?” Yuui asks then, actually curious. “Nihon?”

“Nah, I don’t want to go back to Nihon until the journey is all over.”

Yuui frowns at the unexpected answer, but he wraps his head around the ninja’s reasoning immediately.

“Because you’d want to stay.” It’s not a question, but Kurogane nods. “You know, I think I’m speaking for us all when I say that we wouldn’t mind if you went back to your duties there.”

Except Yuui would. He wouldn’t _mind_ , but he’d miss Kurogane in a way he didn’t think he could ever miss anyone else. Still, he’d never try to hold him back if he decided to go back home prematurely.

The blond yelps when Kurogane raises a hand to yank at his ponytail, and he weakly swats the ninja’s hand away.

“Shut the hell up, idiot,” Kurogane says. “It’s not like I have plans to stick to my usual duties in Shirasagi castle when I come back, anyway. There’s no rush.”

Yuui bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself from immediately prying. He has absolutely no idea what Kurogane means by that, but in all fairness he has no idea of Kurogane’s life and past in Nihon. All he knows is that he lost his mother to Fei Wang Reed, and with only that he can’t possibly piece together what other duties the ninja would have.

Given the fact that Kurogane knows everything there is to know about Yuui’s past, maybe he has every right to pry, but he’s very well aware that if given the choice he would’ve said nothing and shown nothing to the other man, so he breathes slowly and smiles, ignoring the pang of pain that being kept at arm’s length causes.

“Even if there’s no rush,” he says, leaning back once more, “you don’t have to hide that you miss your homeland. I don’t really know how that feels, but you still make it quite obvious.”

“You don’t miss Celes?” Kurogane asks, frowning, and Yuui’s smile widens a little at that.

 _Celes, huh?,_ he thinks fondly. _Not Valeria._

Valeria is his place of birth, but not his home. Never his home. He’s not surprised that Kurogane understands, but it’s still… it’s nice. To be understood without words like that.

“I miss the people,” he replies, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I miss Ashura-ou. That’s what made Celes my home, not the snow or the castle or anything else about the world.”

Kurogane’s frown deepens, and his eyes seem to darken quite a lot.

“Come on, Kuro-pon, don’t make such a grim expression,” Yuui says softly, reaching out to touch the other’s arm. He’s warm and solid under his palm. “Home is where the heart is, isn’t it? Your heart is in Nihon and mine is in you all. That’s just how it is.”

And because Kurogane loves doing the opposite of what Yuui tells him to, his expression becomes even more grim.

“You’re not the only one whose heart is in all of us, idiot,” he says, twisting his arm so he’s the one touching— no, grabbing Yuui’s elbow. His touch is warm and solid there too, and that same warmth spreads through Yuui’s skin as Kurogane tugs him a little closer. “Home is where your family is, and when your family moves around all over the place of course that’s what you believe home to be.”

“What are you implying?” Yuui whispers, relaxing his captive arm and setting his hand on Kurogane’s bicep. “Surely I don’t need to remind you that I don’t have a _place_ —”

“I’m just asking if you _want_ a place,” Kurogane interrupts, tugging Yuui even closer. Yuui loses his balance and sets his free hand on Kurogane’s chest to steady himself, and it is then when he feels Kurogane’s racing heartbeat. He looks up at the other man in disbelief.

“...is this some kind of proposal?”

They only get to stare at each other for a few seconds longer, because the sound of a picture being taken makes both of their heads snap towards the children. Fai is holding up the phone, pointing its camera at them, not bothering to hide his smile. Syaoran looks mortified. Mokona is whooping.

When Kurogane pulls away, Yuui realizes how close they had really been. His pulse is hammering in his ears; he can barely hear Fai and Mokona’s stifled giggles.

Later on, Fai will show Yuui the pictures he has taken during the day, and Yuui will see that although Kurogane’s blushes are anything but subtle, his pale skin makes his own much more obvious.

 

* * *

 

Kurogane doesn’t have good memories of androids, or robots, or automatons, or whatever the hell you wanna call ‘em. Persocoms, in this case, he guesses. He doesn’t like thinking about the kid and the princess fighting that pink-haired automaton in Infinity, and he _certainly_ doesn’t like thinking about the events that followed the fight. He’s sure the mage feels the same, and he’s glad that he doesn’t try to hide it. The tension on his shoulders is apparent, and he’s not trying to plaster a fake smile onto his face. He’s serious, and as much as Kurogane doesn’t like being surrounded by androids, he lets himself ogle at the mage because he looks damn good when he’s serious, and there’s no reason to deny that.

This world seems absurdly peaceful, in a way, and Kurogane knows there isn’t much of a reason to be as tense as he is. It’s similar to Hanshin Republic, they’re all dressed in clothes that almost mirror the ones that Sorata guy had given to them in their first world together, which should be pleasantly nostalgic in theory. The white thing and the squirt seem to be perfectly calm, completely unaffected by the tension the other three in the party radiate, and that seems obvious enough. After all, even if this world is swarming with androids, none of them seem fit for battle, and the only indication that they’re not human is the strange pair of ears each of them seems to have. They serve as helpers and companions for humans, they’ve been told, and bad memories are the only thing that’s keeping them alert.

The ears these robots have are familiar to Kurogane, but he can’t quite place why. That is until he sees the mage trip over a sign sitting outside of a cake shop and crash loudly onto the display window. And alright, the mage may be an idiot, but he’s not _this_ clumsy. Or clumsy at all. He’s as agile as someone that height can be.

“Yuui-san!” The kid gasps, jogging over to help the blond get back on his feet. “Are you okay?”

“Just peachy,” the mage wheezes, looking anything but _just peachy_. Bells chime when the door is opened from the inside and a girl with ridiculously long blonde hair pokes her head out.

“Chii?” She says in a high pitched voice, and Kurogane recognizes the face first and the ears second.

Chii. The creature that had taken the princess’ split body and soul. The mage’s magical construct. The one he modeled after his mother. Except the two versions of Chii Kurogane has met had a knowing, powerful gleam in their eyes, and this one… Well, this one looks really fucking stupid.

“H-hello!” Yuui says, plastering that classic strained smile on his face. It’s so painfully obvious that it’s faked, it’s good that the person it’s aimed at seems a moron. Or well, the persocom it’s aimed at. “Sorry for the ruckus. Do you work here?”

“Chii does!” The android exclaims with a wide smile.

“Is that so?” The mage replies, nearing her, and suddenly he’s speaking as if he’s talking to a dog. “That’s great!”

The change of attitude is quick but expected, and Kurogane rolls his eyes. The mage and his stupid father complex.

“Yuui, I don’t think you should talk to her like you would to a newborn,” Fai whispers, tugging at his brother’s shirt. Yuui gives the squirt a glare that seems to say _I made her, she’s my child, I’ll talk to her like I want to_ , which makes Fai whine. “Yuui this is _weird,_ she looks _just_ like mother.”

The mage sticks his tongue out before turning to the confused girl and looping an arm around hers.

“Care to show me what you’ve got? I love baking and it’s really been a while since I was in a cake shop.”

“Sure!” She says, trotting cheerily into the shop.

Fai sighs, and Kurogane puts a hand on his shoulder.

“My condolences,” he says, and Fai groans.

“ _S_ _he_ was the one who talked to us like children. We _were_ the children.”

“I think Yuui-san was very well aware that he wasn’t making a replacement for your mother when he created Chii, though,” Syaoran intervenes, smiling that nervous smile that tries to be reassuring but fails when his companions are such ridiculous people.

“Yeah,” Kurogane agrees, “the mage may be an idiot, but he’s not one to fool himself like that.” He squeezes Fai’s shoulder lightly and looks at him in the eye. “He knows what he’s lost.”

Blonde brows furrow, and Kurogane feels the corners of his lips turning up slightly. Yuui had always been a mystery, a puzzle that Kurogane often felt that he could never solve if he did as much as avert his eyes for more than a minute. Yuui does not try to actively hide things anymore, and Kurogane has never prouder of anyone in his life, but he can tell when instinct kicks in and the blonde smiles when he shouldn’t. But Fai? Fai has never felt the need to lie, and it’s so easy to tell it’s almost baffling. Kurogane has never met someone that radiates so much sincerity; even the kid and the princess, who hate to lie, had had to keep their secrets for a very long time. But this small boy, he’s only ever known the brutal honesty of a court that despised him and the kind truth of his brother’s boundless love. Looking at those familiar features and seeing so much offered up to him is almost overwhelming for its unfamiliarity, but he’s damn proud because open sincerity is vulnerability, and showing it is strength.

Kurogane’s respect has always been hard to earn, but Fai has had it for almost as long as the ninja has known him. It’s no wonder Yuui loves the boy so much. He ruffles the squirt’s hair affectionately before striding into the shop.

His smile dies down as soon as he sets his eyes on Yuui.

“...Mage,” he sighs, suddenly frustrated and inwardly cursing the damn idiot for giving him emotional whiplash every single day of his life. “I know…” He eyes Chii, who is currently wrapped in long, long arms and seems completely unbothered by being hugged from behind by a complete stranger. “I _know_ , okay? But there are boundaries.”

Yuui squeezes the android’s shoulders and nuzzles into her hair, making her giggle. The door chimes when the two kids enter the shop after him.

“No boundaries for cute little things like Chii!” Yuui says childishly, and Kurogane wants to kick him.

“You’ve never respected my boundaries either, dumbass,” he says. He remembers how he felt in the beginning of the first journey when he had this big weirdo stranger touching him constantly. It wasn’t good. “This is a workplace, seriously.”

“Oh, don’t mind it, today is a really slow day,” a black-haired man dressed in a cook’s clothes says at the same time that Yuui opens his big, stupid mouth to say, “I’ve never respected them because Kuro-tan’s always been a cute little thing!”

Kurogane barely hears Syaoran’s quiet “oh no” because he’s stomping on the floor and grabbing the mage’s head with one hand before squeezing, _hard_. Chii yelps and ducks out of the way, giving Kurogane room to push the idiot’s head down and make him hunch and flail his arms.

“Who’re you calling cute, now?” He growls, lips quirking up in a mirthless grin.

“Ow, ow, ow, ow!” The idiot tries to grab Kurogane’s wrist and pry the hand off him. “That hurts, Kuro-pon! Chii, save me!”

“I am so sorry,” Syaoran is saying to the man behind the counter, probably the owner of the place. “We’ll buy something.”

“You’re not making me eat any of this sweet crap,” Kurogane announces as he promptly ignores Chii’s tiny arms trying to tug his hand away from Yuui’s head.

“You’re so rude, Kurogane,” Fai sighs, joining Syaoran in front of the counter. “Don’t mind him, he just doesn’t have a sweet tooth in his body,” he explains to the owner. “These cupcakes look great, what are they made of?”

“Rude Kurogane!” Mokona coos as she jumps around. “Bad boy!”

“You shut up, white thing.”

“Horrible boy,” Yuui wheezes, his voice strained.

“You shut up too.”

“U-um,” the owner says, looking a little startled. “Vanilla with ganache filling. We have low-sugar pastries too, if your friend is, uh, interested.”

“Gosh, I’m so sorry, those look delicious, I’m sorry” Syaoran is saying, bowing lightly with each word.

“I know nothing about sweets,” Fai murmurs before turning around, wearing a cute frown and looking completely unaffected by the mess of a scene they’re causing. Talk about adapting fast. “What should we get, Yuui?”

The mage stops whining like a toddler and easily straightens his back pushing Kurogane’s hand up with him and making it fall around his shoulders with the quick movement. Kurogane is about to call him out on the stupid I’m-a-weak-little-shit act, but then the door opens again and everyone in the room turns their heads towards it.

“Hideki!” Chii cheers, running towards the door and hugging the most average-looking guy Kurogane has ever seen. It’s honestly almost remarklable how unremarkable this guy looks.

This Hideki dude hugs Chii back and Kurogane turns in time to see the mage’s expression shift. He tries not to laugh at the _look_ he gives the newcomer, disdain written all over his features. Kurogane knows this look, he’s seen it before, it’s the look Yuui wears whenever someone he doesn’t deem worthy approaches any of the girls that he considers his daughters. He’d seen it various times whenever anyone that wasn’t Syaoran would approach the princess, which was hilarious because as protective as the kid was, he never seemed to resent those who approached Sakura— rather, he seemed to have the mindset to not intervene unless it got inappropriate or dangerous, because he understood other people’s fascination with the princess.

The mage, however... Once in Outo he had actually hugged the princess close and literally hissed when a customer was coming onto her. It was fucking hilarious.

“Chii, darling,” Yuui says with false cheer, and Kurogane glances at the corner to catch the gazes of a very nervous Syaoran and a very confused Fai. “Mind telling me who this is?”

“Hideki!” Chii replies, smiling like an idiot.

“That should be my line,” Hideki speaks, growing wary as he stares up at Yuui. “You called her ‘darling’. What’s your business with her?”

“What’s _your_ business with her?” Yuui replies, crossing his arms. He shrugs off the arm Kurogane has draped over his shoulders and steps forward, making Hideki seem to realize just how much the mage towers over him. The guy takes a nervous step back and gulps, and Kurogane almost feels bad for him. Almost. He likes this side of the mage, dumb as it is.

“Sh-she’s my persocom!” Hideki says, making a poor attempt at trying to look defiant.

Kurogane snorts when he sees Syaoran sigh deeply, defeated. The kid shoots a final glance at Yuui and visibly decides to give up, fishing out the pouch where he’s holding the money they managed to get by selling some of their old stuff and turning to face the store’s owner.

“Hm…” Yuui hums, eyeing Hideki up and down, a hand resting on his hip.

“I’m so sorry,” Syaoran apologizes, then points at something behind the counter. “I’d like, uh, five of those, if you don’t mind. Sorry.”

“What’s your problem? Does Chii even _know_ you?”

“Don’t worry,” the store owner says as he hands Syaoran a paper bag. “Things are usually… lively around here anyway.”

“I know him!” Chii says, nodding vigorously.

“Then who is he?” Hideki asks.

“I’m Chii’s dad,” Yuui deadpans.

Kurogane barks a laugh out, Syaoran groans and facepalms, Fai stares at his brother in disbelief, and Mokona says “but I thought Yuui was mommy!”

“ _Yuui!_ ” Fai says, clearly flabbergasted.

“What?” Yuui shrugs. “Did I not create her?”

“Not _her_.”

“Isn’t it the same?”

“No!”

“Wait, wait,” Hideki says, a weird, serious frown on his face. “You created her? What do you mean not _her_?”

“Nevermind that,” Yuui brushes off with a vague wave of his hand. “What are your intentions with my daughter?”

Kurogane actually doubles over and clutches at his stomach in laughter, and Fai shakes his head slowly. Hideki is blushing and sputtering and Syaoran looks about ready to bang his head on the counter to knock himself unconscious. The owner is watching the scene with an amused expression, and Chii is staring dumbly at the men arguing about her.

“My, my, my _intentions_?!” Hideki croaks, shaking his head. “She’s a persocom!”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Yuui says, turning to look at the girl in question, his arms crossed and his expression serious. “Chii, persocom or not, you’re deserving of love, okay?”

The mood in the room grows strangely heavy, and the mage’s words quiet Hideki down completely. The boy is staring at Chii with a conflicted look on his face, and the robot actually looks a little sad.

“That’s right, Chii,” the store owner says, leaning on the counter with a soft smile. “Isn’t that right, Hideki?”

“A-ah, yeah.” He looks at Chii. “Yeah.”

Chii beams and jumps up to hug Hideki again, and Yuui puts his hands on his hips and huffs. He sort of snaps out of it when Mokona jumps on his shoulder and pokes his cheek.

“Moko-chan?”

The pork bun looks like it’s actually about to cry.

“But wasn’t Yuui mommy? Why would Yuui say he’s daddy?”

“Because Kuro-pon isn’t Chii’s daddy,” he replies easily. “So I have to be her daddy by myself.”

Mokona seems content with that, but Fai tugs at Yuui’s shirt, giving him a sort of horrified look.

“Did you,” the squirt starts, slowly, “by any chance, make her look like mother because it’d make no sense to have a daughter that doesn’t look like you?”

“Of course! What’s the point if she doesn’t end up looking like I carried her with my birthing hips?”

Both Fai and Syaoran seem to choke on their breaths, and Kurogane just laughs again. (And he _swears_ he’s a clever man with a clever sense of humour, but there’s something about this situation that’s just hysterical. No one will judge him for one day.)

“ _Yuui-san!_ ” Syaoran hisses, patting Fai’s back as the shorter boy coughs and sputters.

Yuui laughs and kneels in front of his brother.

“Fai, I was joking. I just wanted some familiarity in a foreign world,” he says softly, still not losing the mischievous gleam in his eyes and the amused lilt in his voice.

Kurogane still feels immensely uncomfortable around androids, but he thinks he can handle the rest of their stay in this world. After all, he doesn’t think he’s laughed this hard since his childhood in Suwa, and it feels nice. The mage makes him feel nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I succeeded in being funny cause I've got a really stupid sense of humor, but I still wanted to make this chapter light-hearted cause the next ones are a bit... dare I say... fucking sad... 
> 
> also I can't believe I haven't plugged my tumblr yet. follow me @ [cinnadiaphos](http://cinnadiaphos.tumblr.com/) if you like what you see


	5. the things we destroyed for wanting to protect the things we love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At some point, they land in another Tokyo. It is strikingly similar and vastly different at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alongside yuui and yuuko, subaru is my fave clamp character, and I'm always sad that he and yuui couldn't really interact in acid tokyo. yuuko is dead as hell in the timeline when this fic takes place, but since nothing is stopping me for giving a glorified cameo to my fave depressed exorcist, this chapter takes place in the world of x/1999 and follows my headcanon that yuui and subaru would really get along. once again, it can be understood without having read the manga, but here's some info if you want it:
> 
> -take the two sides of acid tokyo and switch fuuma for kamui, then make them teenagers and have fuuma be an actual psychopath: that's x, babe!
> 
> -each member of kamui's side can erect a kekkai (barrier, ward, whatever etc) that, when retracted, reverts all the destruction inflicted by the fighting going on in it
> 
> -subaru's 25yo, not related to kamui at all but still a big brother figure to him, his storyline revolves around being in love with seishiro, his life is basically in shambles, he has a bad haircut and he smokes

At some point, they land in another Tokyo.

It is strikingly similar and vastly different at the same time. They can see the Tokyo Tower poking out in between tall buildings, and later on they find themselves in the Diet Building, the place that had been both shelter and hell for their little family.

Those two buildings aside, the city is whole. When they land, however, it isn’t; they find themselves in the midst of rubble under a sky of a strange, muted pink.

Fuuma is there, but he doesn’t look or feel like Fuuma. Kamui is there, but he is small and afraid, covered in blood and tears. Nataku is there, but instead of the calm, quiet person they had met in the other Tokyo, this one barely feels human at all. Arashi is there, and she feels like the only constant from the other worlds; younger than usual, but still level-headed and serious. They have landed in the midst of a battlefield that is far more violent than the small disputes they had seen in that wasteland from worlds ago, and no amount of mutants or acid rain could do as much harm as the utter humiliation Fuuma is putting Kamui through. Yuui isn’t sure if he wants to step in and break the fight or grab onto Fai and take him far away from the scene.

They don’t have to do much though, because their sudden appearance breaks the fight immediately. Fuuma and Nataku retreat—and weren’t they on opposite sides in the other Tokyo?—and Kurogane darts forward to catch Kamui’s limp body before it can fall on a dirty pile of rubble. Yuui is clutching Fai close to him and Syaoran is hiding Mokona inside his hood so she doesn’t have to see the blood or the broken body of the man she was so fond of in another world. Arashi does something with her hands, a pulse of magic retreating from their environment and hiding in her body, and suddenly the city is intact, pedestrians walking about as if absolutely nothing had happened.

“Who are you?” Arashi asks, her sword still drawn. “How did you get into the _kekkai_?”

“We’re not enemies,” Syaoran says immediately, raising both hands in surrender and tilting his head towards Kamui. “We’ll answer any questions you may have, but please get him treated first.”

Arashi, as rational and easy to deal with as always, lowers her weapon and nods. She’s walking towards her friend when Mokona hops toward her and tugs slightly at her collar.

“Arashi…” The magical construct sobs, making the girl tense at the mention of her name. “Why was Fuuma hurting Kamui like that? Fuuma would never hurt someone this badly, right?”

Kamui chokes out a sob at that, and Yuui turns to him, alarmed. He hadn’t gotten to know Kamui much at all, but he had _had_ his blood coursing through his veins, he had _felt_ his strength and ferocity. This boy in front of him is a helpless, lost child, and when he shares a look with Kurogane he sees his own emotions mirrored there. The taller man is already scooping Kamui up in his arms and asking Arashi for directions to where to take him.

The hospital is busy when they get to it, but Kamui still gets priority treatment due to his grave wounds. They sit around in the waiting room, and after making a couple of calls Arashi starts asking them questions. Syaoran and Arashi do most of the talking, and the boy doesn't lie because this is Arashi and they had appeared out of thin air right in front of her. The girl doesn't take well to the idea of interdimensional travel and they don't take well to the idea of The World’s End. There is a dreamgazer in the Diet Building, one that isn't Kakyou, so the group decides to split up and go to the dreamgazer to convince Arashi that they’re not a threat connected to the apocalypse.

They wait for someone to get to the hospital before they part. It's Yuzuriha and her dog, and she is so similar to her counterpart in Edonis Country that Yuui almost sobs and hugs her close. He has to remind himself that this girl is a stranger, a stranger that has a friend lying unconscious in a hospital bed and does not need a hug from a random man that feels a little too emotional whenever he sees tall buildings and torn bodies. Yuzuriha seems to trust them immediately, however, when they prove that they can see her dog—why they wouldn’t, Yuui doesn’t know, but he is glad nonetheless.

They decide that Kurogane and Syaoran will follow Arashi to see the dreamgazer and Yuui, Fai and Mokona will stay in the hospital. The mage truly doesn't want to split up in a Tokyo of all places, but Arashi has pointedly decided that she won't lead more than two strangers into their base and that she'll be taking the ones with the weakest magical aptitudes. It's not like Yuui has much to argue for, because when he stands his legs wobble and he has to lean into Kurogane to stay upright.

“I'm not taking you to the Diet Building,” the ninja whispers into his ear, and Yuui almost wants to punch him.

“That place is painful for you too, Kuro-sama,” he hisses, and he actually does step on the other’s foot when he sees him roll his eyes. Lightly though, lightly.

“I almost lost you, but I didn't. I got you back. That memory is nice enough for me.” Kurogane curses when Yuui actually _stomps_ on his foot. “Ow, fuck, mage! Either be too weak to stand or strong enough to hurt, not both, asshole!”

All Yuui does is pout and sink back into his seat, crossing his arms and scowling with all the drama he can muster. Stupid Kurogane. Stupid chivalrous asshole.

“You shouldn't swear in front of ladies, Kurogane,” Fai says, already friendly enough with Yuzuriha’s large dog to be practically draped over it with his arms hugging its neck.

“Mokona’s a lady and Kurogane swears in front of Mokona all the time!” Mokona chides in, mirroring Yuui’s—and now Fai’s—pout.

“He's such a bad boy,” Yuui sighs, shaking his head.

“Bad boy! Bad boy!”

“Shut up!” Kurogane growls, making Arashi shush him for yelling in a hospital and promptly ignoring her. “The idiot mage is the one who stepped on me!”

“Bad boy,” Yuui repeats.

“Awful boy,” Fai echoes.

Syaoran is holding Kurogane back now, basically dragging him out of the waiting room. Yuzuriha is giggling, Mokona perched on her shoulder, and Yuui turns to smile at the teenager.

“Sorry for the ruckus, Yuzuriha-chan,” he says, draping an arm over Fai’s shoulder and absentmindedly patting the dog with his other hand.

“It's fine!” The girl says, shaking her head. “You were just trying to lighten the mood, right? It's hard to find reasons to smile these days, any chance is appreciated.”

Yuui understands. By the looks of it, Fai and Mokona do too. He's proud of the both of them for adapting so fast, but he wishes they had no reason to adapt to such harsh circumstances.

“Thank you for trusting us,” Fai says. “We really mean no harm, but I understand if you don't… you know.”

 _You're so strong, Fai,_ Yuui thinks, tightening the arm he has around his brother. _So mature. When did you grow up this much, this fast?_

“Inuki likes you, so you can't be bad people,” the girl says, reaching out to stroke the dog’s hair. “I trust everyone Inuki trusts. Plus, you really don't look like— Oh, Sumeragi-san!”

Yuui doesn’t immediately recognize the man approaching them when he turns to look at him. There’s something familiar in those muted green eyes, but this tall short-haired man looks plainly and clearly dead inside. Yuui can tell, because Yuui has been there. This man has been betrayed, and he has lost.

This man is also Subaru, one of the twin vampires they met on the other Tokyo, but much older, much more different, and much more broken. Still powerful, still fierce, but broken. Shattered. Human. One look at Mokona tells Yuui that she can feel everything this Subaru is feeling, and that it isn’t pleasant.

Subaru goes into the hospital room to see Kamui, and Yuui releases a shaky breath he’s holding, clenching his fists around his pants and hunching his shoulders. Maybe it’s the fact that they’re in Tokyo, different as this Tokyo might be; maybe it’s the fact that he knows this world isn’t safe for his family; maybe it’s all the familiar faces and their unfamiliar actions. Whatever it is, something has Yuui trembling and holding back tears.

He had barely known the vampire twins, but he still owes them a lot. Shelter, knowledge, the safety of his remaining children, the life he is now learning how to treasure. They had been strong when he had been broken, and seeing them broken now is stringing every single protective and caring fibre of his being. He hates Tokyo and he wants to leave as soon as possible, but he also wants to do something for these two.

He wonders if Syaoran and the others will indulge him for a bit.

When Subaru exits the hospital room, he quietly announces that he’s gonna have a smoke. Yuui stands up, asking if he may join, and follows him towards the roof when he receives a curt nod in reply. He’s only smoked a couple of times in his life and he’s never really had the taste for it, but Yuui accepts when he’s offered a cigarette. It’s not like he wouldn’t down just about five bottles of liquor right now just to cope, and nicotine is a nice enough alternative.

“So you’re from another world?” Subaru asks when it becomes clear that Yuui will not speak because he’s caught a glimpse of the Diet Building in the distance and he’s about to have a breakdown.

“You believe it?” Yuui shoots back, quirking an eyebrow. “Both Arashi-san and Yuzuriha-chan seemed skeptical to say the least.”

Subaru shrugs and closes his eyes, taking a long drag from his cigarette. He leans into a railway and looks down at the pedestrian, humming lowly.

“I’ve been a professional exorcist ever since I was on my early teens, I’ve always been prone to believing… stuff that’s out the ordinary.” He looks at Yuui and his gaze is as dry as his voice. “I can sense a strange magic that I’ve never felt before on you and your companions. The world is ending. I don’t see a reason why you’d lie, and I don’t care either way.”

Everything after Syaoran gouged out his eye had been a blur in the other Tokyo, but Yuui distinctively remembers Subaru being sweet and considerate. Now he feels like he’s looking into a mirror and he’s seeing himself in Infinity.

“Forgive me if I’m overstepping,” he says, intrigued, “but if the world is ending and you don’t care, wouldn’t having the possibility of escaping to another world be good news to you?”

“I have a wish that only someone that lives in this world can grant,” Subaru replies matter of factly. “There’s no point in going where he can’t follow.”

“Are you talking about Kamui?”

Subaru sends him a weird look.

“No.”

Yuui only has to think for a couple of seconds before another name pops in his head.

“...Seishiro?”

Subaru freezes. His cigarette slips from his fingers and falls to the street below. Neither of them avert their eyes from each other.

“You know Seishiro-san?” Subaru asks slowly, quietly, his voice acquiring a strange tone when he says the name. It’s said with wariness. With care.

“Not exactly. I met another him in another world, with another history. His soul was the same though.” He looks up at the sky, and then back at Subaru. “He almost killed me.”

Subaru sighs deeply, so loud it’s almost a groan, and he slumps against the railing.

“Of course he did. I’m surprised you survived.”

“Honestly? Me too.”

Subaru snorts mirthlessly. Yuui hands him his own cigarette, and the other man takes it without a word before bringing it to his lips.

“Did you meet another me?” Subaru asks after a long drag, and Yuui nods.

“Yes. You and your brother saved my life.”

“My brother?”

“Yes? Your twin."

“Twin _brother_?”

“Yes, Kamui.” Yuui tilts his head to the side. Sure, their ages are way different in this Tokyo, but they still look alike enough. “Are you not related in this world?”

“N-no, we’re not. Was it really just the two of us?”

“Yes, as far as I know. Is there another twin here?”

“Was,” Subaru corrects, and Yuui thinks about the king of Valeria offering him and Fai the option to off each other. He thinks about Fei Wang Reed snatching Fai away from him. His chest constricts.

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine. It happened years ago.”

“I have a twin, and I’ve almost lost him way too many times.” Yuui resists the urge to reach out and squeeze Subaru’s shoulder, because the man is still young, in his twenties perhaps, and to Yuui that’s a child. A child that may still need love. “Let me apologize. I’m sorry for your loss.”

Subaru regards him for a second, his eyes sad and understanding and _feeling_. Tension seems to leave his body, and he looks back ahead, his gaze lost in the tall buildings of the city.

“Her name is Hokuto. We’re identical twins, so she looks just like me, but she actually pays attention to her appearance so she’s radiant. She’s bright and energetic, loves fashion, compliments and people, especially girls. We look the same, but deep down we couldn’t be more different. Have you meet her in any other world?”

“I’m afraid not,” Yuui answers, and even if the other man isn’t looking at him he smiles. “She sounds lovely though, I hope I can meet her someday.”

“If you do, please treat her well.”

“I’ll treat her like a princess,” Yuui promises, and he doesn’t lie. “We had a princess in our group, you know? We’re used to treating girls like royalty, if we ever meet your twin she will be no different.”

Subaru looks at him and smiles. The smile is soft and sad, but sweet, and Yuui can finally see the resemblance between this man and the vampire he had met so many worlds ago.

“Thank you. This… this is enough, honestly, but can I ask something else?”

“Go ahead.”

“I believe you and your group may have more than enough reasons to want to hurt Seishiro-san, but… I’d really appreciate if you could… just… try not to.” Subaru runs a hand through his hair and then lowers it, lightly pressing his lips to its backside. “I can’t justify anything that person ever does, and this is wholly irrational of me, but I still…”

“Want to protect him?” Yuui ventures, and Subaru lets out a shaky breath.

“It’s stupid of me, he’s a cold-blooded murderer.”

“But you don’t wish him any harm. I understand.”

And Yuui does. He doesn’t know what kind of relationship Subaru and Seishiro have, but tears still well up in his eyes when he thinks of Ashura, the man who had betrayed him, dying in his arms. Yuui understands how Subaru feels more than he would like to.

“That man is none of our business anymore,” Yuui says, smiling at a bewildered Subaru. “A boy in our group still respects him, and even if the rest of us have every reason to be hostile towards him, we don’t have any to actually try to harm him. So don’t worry.”

“I… Thank you.” Subaru bites his lower lip and Yuui starts to see the child in the man. He’s ridiculously fond of him already, and he wonders if he’ll get to hear the little Kamui thank him too. He’d love to. “The other Seishiro-san and the other me… are they...?”

“The other Seishiro-san is a hunter that is pursuing the other Subaru-kun,” Yuui explains calmly. “I don’t know what went on between them, but I know that they both want to see each other.”

“Why can’t they?”

Yuui shrugs.

“The other Kamui-kun deems it dangerous.”

“I… see. So the other Seishiro-san is chasing the other me.”

“Yes. If I recall correctly, he says he misses him.”

Subaru’s breath hitches, and he digs the heels of his hands into his eyes.

“I see. Thank you again.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Silence falls between them and Yuui lets himself relax as much as he can. The Subaru he had known had had no magic whatsoever, but this one has an incredibly powerful, yet incredibly soothing aura. His magic feels nurturing and cathartic, and Yuui can’t help but find it unfair that a man this good in nature has been broken like this.

But then again, Sakura, Syaoran and Kurogane all have incredibly nurturing and kind natures too, and Yuui himself has seen them hurt and break and then piece themselves back together multiple times. Not only those deemed children of misfortune are bound to suffer, and all Yuui can do at this point is pray that _hitsuzen_ isn’t as much of a bitch to others as it has been to him, and that the other counterparts of Subaru and Kamui are not bound to suffer as much as they seem to suffer in this Tokyo. It would be nice if everyone’s lives in other worlds were easier too, if a Sakura and a Syaoran of another world got to live a silly yet exciting life as the children they never got to be, if their biggest problem could be not realizing their feelings for each other or anything as innocent as that. It would be nice if a Kurogane of another world never lost his parents and got to grow up as a horribly grumpy, yet terribly sweet mama’s boy.

It would be nice if a Fai and a Yuui of another world were born as twins and loved as twins, if the parents that he can’t even remember anymore could celebrate their children’s birthday with delight and tell them how lucky they were to have such dear twins as their offspring.

It would be nice if all those worlds could be the same one, and Yuui could meet his children while they were allowed to be children. It would be nice if the Yuui of that world could meet Kurogane without any lies or masks, and fall in love with him without any sacrifices or bloodshed.

“It sure is easy to wish, isn’t it?” He says, a little wistfully. “To get caught up in what-ifs.”

“It is,” Subaru agrees quietly. “I’m a little scared of what I could end up wishing for if I saw other worlds, I think. If I met another Seishiro-san.”

Yuui regards Subaru for a long moment. He shouldn’t compare himself too much to a man he’s basically just met, but there’s a sort of feeling in those green eyes that he thinks he identifies.

“You know, one thing I’ve learnt in my travels is that souls aren’t the only thing that stays the same when the same people lead different lives in other worlds,” he says. He waits for Subaru to look at him before going on. “Feelings do too. Our princess has a brother we have met several versions of, and in every single one of them he’s with the same boy. In every single world they’re together, and they always look at each other with the same disgusting bedroom eyes, it’s kind of crazy,” he chuckles. “I’ve only met Arashi-san here in Tokyo, but is it safe to assume that you know a man named Sorata?”

“A boy,” Subaru corrects, frowning. “But yes.”

“And is it safe to assume that those two are in love in this world too?”

“I don’t know them much, but yes. At least on his part.”

Yuui smiles and dares to reach out, patting Subaru lightly on the back.

“Then I believe that whatever the Seishiro I met feels for the Subaru that saved my life, your Seishiro feels for you too.”

Subaru purses his lips and sighs, shaking his head.

“I’d love to believe that, that he’d feel _anything_ for me. But it’s complicated.”

Yuui doesn’t know this Seishiro or this Subaru, so he doesn’t pry. However, if the Seishiro that had once killed him in Outo had any ounce of love for Subaru, then nothing can convince him that the Seishiro in this Tokyo doesn’t love Subaru too, as complicated as things may be. After all, every Touya and every Yukito love each other, and every Sorata and every Arashi love each other. He is completely certain that every Sakura and every Syaoran love each other too, so if one Seishiro loves one Subaru, then all the others do as well.

That isn’t something that can be easily explained to someone who hasn’t travelled to other worlds, though, so Yuui keeps quiet and hopes that Subaru’s conviction is proven wrong.

The conversation dies there and they slip into a comfortable silence. After a little while, Fai appears on the roof to tell them that Kamui has woken up. They go downstairs and find Mokona cuddled up to him, showering the confused boy with kisses and reassurances. Subaru asks everyone but Yuui to leave the room for a bit, and then he asks the blond to tell Kamui about the other Fuuma, the one he knows. Mokona stays perched in Kamui’s arms and intervenes a lot to talk about how much Fuuma has helped them, and how funny of a guy he is.

Kamui looks a little scandalized to know how aggressive his vampire counterpart is, especially towards Fuuma, but he says he is glad he could help Yuui live, even if it wasn’t himself who gave him his blood. Yuui decides that this Kamui is an angel and a sweetheart, and shares all the knowledge he has about breaking mind control spells and the like, since it seems something like that is affecting this world’s Fuuma. Kamui thanks him and asks about a girl named Kotori, and the mage makes the same promise he made to Subaru on the rooftop: if he ever meets her, and he hopes he will because she sounds lovely, he will treat her like a princess.

Kurogane and Syaoran are back just as the sun is setting, and Mokona’s earring starts glowing without a warning. Yuui is both relieved and saddened that the stay was so short. He holds Kamui’s hands and tells him to have hope. He clasps Subaru on the shoulder and tells him to take care.

When Mokona engulfs them, he loops an arm around Kurogane’s and leans into the ninja’s side. His other hand is locked with his twin’s when he opens his mouth and murmurs: “It’d be nice if we could meet them again, in a happier world.”

“Yeah,” Kurogane says. “Let’s thank them properly next time.”

Yuui wants to say that Kurogane isn’t the one who should be thanking them because Yuui was the one that was saved, both by the twins and by the ninja. However, the implications that, to Kurogane, Yuui’s life being saved is something that he should personally be thankful for make the words catch in his throat.

They leave the world to land in another one before he can think of anything to say that isn’t _thank you, thank you, I love you so much, thank you_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they're very similar, subaru and yuui, and I love them both to death
> 
> if you haven't yet you should read x/1999 it's heart-wrenching in a beautiful way (and it is very, very gay)


	6. what happened on the way? the answer to that is my present self

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuui is certainly a man of many faces, and Fai thinks he has already seen every single one of them. Today, Fai has discovered a new one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not much to say here besides that this happens in an original world that was quite fun to conceptualize, hope you all enjoy!!

Fai thinks he has already seen every new side of Yuui’s personality that developed throughout the years in which his time was stopped. He has seen him be loud and silly and childish, and Fai loves that side of Yuui because he has always dreamt of being a child, and he loves that his brother can take care of that and drag him into the most ridiculous situations. When Yuui gets into his obnoxious petulant child mode, Fai always ends up laughing so hard that his tummy hurts.

Fai really loves Yuui’s sarcastic and witty side too. As much as he likes to downplay his intelligence, Yuui is clever and good with words, and dry, intelligent humor suits him best. Fai eventually learns that it’s easy to adopt that trait himself and he becomes a big fan of deadpan humor.

He’s also seen a side to Yuui that makes his cheeks feel a little hot with embarrassment. Sometimes, Yuui and Kurogane look at each other in a way that makes him feel that he shouldn’t be in the room, that he’s interrupting something private. Although they may be twins, Fai has no intention to intrude his brother’s private life. However, he still loves the side of Yuui that is hopelessly in love with Kurogane. Fai blushes and giggles at Yuui’s inappropriate teasing that, since he is a child with no experience, he still has troubles understanding. He reacts because Kurogane reacts, and then Yuui laughs so brightly that some of the snow that is still piled up inside of Fai’s heart melts a little. He hides a smile behind his hand when the two adults of the group brush past each other and twitch at the contact of their skin before slowly settling in a position where they can casually lean into each other. Fai loves Yuui’s wistful sighs and longing gazes because Yuui deserves to love without restraints and he has fallen for a good man that Fai already trusts with his life.

Fai’s personal favorite is Yuui’s overprotective father mode. Whenever anyone in the group does something reckless without thinking and gets themselves or others hurt, the scolding they receive from Yuui is stern and, if anyone in the group was any younger or any dumber, Fai is sure Yuui would ground them. After all, as gentle as he tries to be when it comes to human interaction, Yuui has always taken care of the people he loves quite aggressively. His kindness knows no bounds and comes in unrestrained waves, and Fai loves and admires him for it.

Surprisingly enough, there’s a side of Yuui that’s just pure, unadulterated laziness. Yuui’s as organized and clean as it gets when it comes to cooking and performing magic, but the rest of the time he’s an absolute slob. He’s messy, careless, he seems to wear wrinkled clothes like a medal of incompetency and he just slumps and whines whenever he’s called out for it. Fai likes this side because it’s nice to see Yuui being so relaxed, but he starts hating it a little when it’s up to him and Kurogane to pick up after his brother—because let’s face it; Syaoran is a total hoarder and lets everything pile up and Mokona is, well, Mokona.

There’s some sides of Yuui that Fai was already familiar with, like his caring, nurturing side and his stubborn and steadfast one. There’s some that he doesn’t know how to feel about, like the melancholic one that has him staring at cold worlds and people with long, black hair with a defeated look, or the one that surfaces when things get quiet and Yuui stays very still, absorbed in his thoughts until he starts to spiral and his hands start shaking. There’s the one where he has a knee-jerk reaction when anything nears his left eye and the one where he instinctively lies and fakes and he oozes self-hatred after it. Yuui is certainly a man of many faces, and Fai thinks he has already seen every single one of them.

Today, Fai has discovered a new one.

They’ve been in harsh worlds before, but this last one is, by far, the worst. It apparently used to be thriving with life and magic, but when the humans inhabiting it started killing off its magical beings, be it flora or fauna, to sell them off and make food and trinkets out of them, the Essence of the world, some sort of sentient being residing at its core, had been enraged. Although this essence wasn’t the source of all magic, it was its catalyst, the thing that allowed it all to flow, and so it decided to punish the humans by slowly draining all the magic out of their bodies in an agonizing process. Humanity was left drained and almost lifeless, and every color of the surface became dull and muted. Vegetation dried off and clouds perpetually covered the sun. The world’s Essence had taken everything and left a surface of bitter, fragile humans that had nothing else to offer to it, neither magic nor devotion.

Unfortunately, four out of five members of their group were... well. One was literally a magical construct, two had incredibly powerful magic running through their veins and keeping them alive, and the fourth could summon elemental magic in the blink of an eye. So yeah, things were bad.

As soon as they had landed, Fai had fallen to his knees and covered his mouth to swallow back a gag. He’d heard a distant groan from Yuui, and Syaoran gasping for air. Kurogane was saying something, but Fai started coughing over him, his eyes watering. It felt like his body was being pulled towards the ground, like a part of him was falling and leaving him behind. When he moved to stand, every muscle of his body tensed in pain, and he started looking around in panic. His eyes were set on Yuui, who was already drenched in sweat as he drew violet runes in the air. Suddenly, his entire body jolted, and he bent down, coughing blood into his hand.

“Yuui,” Fai gasped, feeling the tears starting to well up.

“ _Shit_ ,” Yuui hissed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Kuro-tan, help us huddle up close to each other.”

“What the hell is going on, mage?” Kurogane said from somewhere behind Fai, and before he noticed an arm was wrapping around his middle and lifting him off the ground. “Why do the kids weigh so much?”

Yuui didn’t answer, letting out a shaky whistle instead. He took a deep breath and whistled a bit more steadily, making blue shapes curve around them and close in a perfect bubble. It suddenly became easier to breathe, and Fai sighed in relief.  Kurogane let him down, and he slumped against the man’s leg, using it for support.

“The spell from LeCourt,” Syaoran said, his voice ragged.

Yuui nodded before kneeling down and bringing his hand to Fai’s eyes, clouding almost his entire vision.

“It won’t last long. Don’t move, Fai.”

Fai did as he was told, and after seeing a flash of light, the pressure on his body became lighter. It still hurt to move, but it was bearable, and Fai found himself staring at a small blue crystal that had the color of his eyes. Yuui took it and secured it beneath his belt before slowly turning towards Syaoran and setting his hand on his chest. What emerged from the boy’s body was a small black and white orb that Yuui also tucked inside his belt. Finally, Yuui repeated the process to himself, extracting an identical blue crystal from his eyes. The blue of his eyes became duller and seemed to have a tinge of a golden undertone, and Kurogane grunted.

“What the hell are you doing, mage?”

“This world is draining our magic, the less we have on our bodies, the easier it’ll be to move.” He frowned and looked between Syaoran and Fai. “We can’t use magic directly or the soil will absorb it immediately and it’ll cause a violent reaction to the body. Things like sound magic seem like they will be fine, but they take more energy than they usually would. They won’t be very effective either.”

“You’re the only one who knows how to use sound magic,” Syaoran said, and Yuui nodded again.

“Precisely,” he said, his tone serious. “So both of you need to abstain from using magic unless I say otherwise. Kuro-sama, don’t take out Ginryuu unless it’s absolutely necessary, the spell on your arm could malfunction and the prayers protecting the sword could be eaten up by whatever’s doing this. Where’s Mokona?”

Mokona whined from somewhere underneath Kurogane’s cloak, and the ninja took her carefully and held her so Yuui could see her. She was lying flat on her belly and her long ears were plastered to her body.

“Mokona doesn’t feel so good…” She said.

“I know, darling, but I can’t extract anything from you.” Yuui said, standing up and taking her into his arms. “If I help you, do you think you could take us somewhere else?”

“Yes, but didn’t you say we couldn’t use magic?”

Yuui smiled and looked at the ground.

“I’m not gonna lie, it’s not going to be easy on me,” he admitted, and Fai clenched his fists around the fabric of his pants.

“Mage,” Kurogane said, his tone warning, but Yuui only shook his head.

“We need to go someplace high, like a building or a mountain, hopefully get some information so it’s easier for me to work on this without hurting myself, but we need to get out from here as soon as possible.”

“You said the soil was doing this?” Syaoran asked, sounding much better than before, but looking much paler too.

“I don’t know exactly, but I know contact with the ground is triggering it or making it work faster. Syaoran-kun, maybe you and I will be fine, since you don’t have that much magic and my own is still halved. We’re used to dealing with physical strain too.” He hugged Mokona close to his chest and looked up at Kurogane. “But Fai and Mokona will die if we stay here too long. His body is much more reliant on magic than mine, and she _is_ magic. So let me do this.”

“Is it the only way?” The other man asked.

“We don’t have the time to look for another.”

Kurogane sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“Alright then, let’s get moving.”

And so they had headed towards a town they could see in the distance. Despite Yuui taking some of his magic to make things easier, Fai still ended up perched on Kurogane’s back because he could barely walk as he was. The more they neared the town, the foggier his vision became, and after a while everything became a blur to him. He remembers seeing people so pale their skin seemed gray, and he recalls that Yuui and Syaoran entered a building while Mokona, Kurogane and him stayed outside.

Yuui and Syaoran had been successful in gathering information, but since none of them had known the workings and story of the world beforehand, they hadn’t foreseen neither the fact that Kurogane’s dark skin and Fai’s bright eyes stood out in between a sea of lifeless people nor the fact that Mokona would be taken as the magical being she was. So, obviously, they hadn’t anticipated that the citizens would assume they were magical creatures sent by the Essence of the world to annihilate them, and Fai had been too slow to dodge the knife that was suddenly being thrust towards his heart. Kurogane had pulled him back just enough for the blade to sink deep into his side instead of in a vital organ.

However, his body was still weakened by the world, and the blood that was starting to steadily ooze out of his body made him unable to defend himself or fight back against the crowd that was starting to circle around them.

The last thing he had seen before he blacked out was this whole new side to Yuui, who, after emerging from the building and setting his eyes on Fai, seemed to become a completely different person. His features twisted into something that could only be described as violent fury, and as Fai struggled to stay conscious he thought he heard screaming and bones cracking. Everything went black as Yuui stood in front of him with blood on his hands and face.

This side of Yuui is genuinely terrifying, and he doesn’t want to see it ever again.

And now Fai is sitting up on the hospital bed he has woken up in, soft pillows keeping his torso upright. Yuui is sitting on a stool next to him, looking like he needs to be resting on a bed much more than Fai does, but holding Fai’s hand close to his face with both of his and sobbing quietly.

Kurogane is standing with his back leaning on the window next to Fai’s bed, bandages wrapped around his head. He’s explained what happened after Fai fainted, how Yuui had single handedly dealt with the attackers and forced them into a new world with no precaution whatsoever. He’s explained the world’s story and how him and Syaoran had come out of the hustle relatively unharmed. Syaoran is currently out with Mokona, looking for information on this world, which seems quiet and advanced enough that they can trust the medical treatment they’re getting.

The side of Yuui he’s seeing now, he’s familiar with, and he hates it. He’s seen his brother curled up in a sea of corpses and sobbing quietly more times than he can count. It became a continuum at a certain point, when their hair was so long it started pooling on the ground. Now Yuui’s hair barely reaches his shoulder blades, and it’s the first time Fai has seen him break down since Valeria. It’s not pleasant, but something within him seems to click. Ever since he woke up in Clow things between him and Yuui have been different, there was no way they wouldn’t be. But somehow, he feels like he’s synced up with his twin again, because he starts crying too. Every time Yuui cried down in the valley, Fai followed in the tower. Every time he broke down, Fai called for him with tears in his eyes. Wherever Yuui goes, Fai follows, so sobs start to shake his shoulders and he squeezes Yuui’s hands.

“I’m sorry, Fai,” Yuui says with a broken voice. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why? You haven’t done anything bad.” He asks, trying to lean forward to get closer to his other half but being stopped by Kurogane’s hand on his shoulder and a shake of the head.

Right. The wound on his stomach. He guesses he’s on anaesthetics, because the pain is not as present as he feels it should be. He decides to squeeze Yuui’s hand tighter instead of moving closer.

“It’s my fault, I should’ve gotten us out of there immediately. I should’ve realized we’d stand out when I saw everyone in town.”

“We stand out in almost every world, mage,” Kurogane intervenes, and Yuui just shakes his head.

“I still should’ve—”

“It was really hard to keep your vision focused and your head cleared, wasn’t it?” Fai says, wiping his own tears with his free hand and then reaching over to wipe Yuui’s as well. Yuui closes his eyes and lets out a shaky exhale. “It was excruciating, what that world did to us.”

“That’s no excuse, Fai,” Yuui murmurs weakly, his breath damp against Fai’s hand. “You got hurt. I promised myself I’d never let you get hurt again.”

“Yuui…”

“I should’ve known better, I’ve been to worlds far more dangerous than that.”

“We’ve been born in a world far more dangerous than that,” Fai says, raising his voice a little. Yuui finally makes eye contact with him, and Fai sighs. “That was danger because there was no escape. We had no means of doing anything. We were separated, and then alone. We didn’t have Kurogane, Syaoran and Mokona.”

“I don’t—”

“Yuui. You saved me. I’m fine.”

Yuui shakes his head, as stubborn as always. _You just never give up, do you?_ Fai thinks, smiling sadly. _No matter what it’s about._

“You still got hurt badly, people always get hurt badly because of my poor decisions.” He shoots a pained look at Kurogane, who actually, literally growls.

“Say another word and I’ll beat your ass, you stupid idiot.” The ninja rests an arm on the bed and leans his weight on it to reach Yuui’s head and give it a light bump with his prosthetic arm. “We’ve been over this. My choices are mine alone, and so are the squirt’s.”

“He was barely conscious, Kuro-sama,” Yuui shoots back, his shoulders steadying and his breath becoming more even. Fai is suddenly glad that Kurogane is there with him, because he doesn’t think that anyone else could make Yuui forget he was crying with just one sentence. “It was my rashness that lead us to a situation where he couldn’t even make a choice.”

“But if you acted any slower you’d be missing a brother and a pork bun,” Kurogane retorts without hesitation, not quite leaning back, his hand nestled in Yuui’s hair. “You’re an idiot most of the time, but you weren’t an idiot there. You’re being an idiot right now, but you weren’t there.”

“Kurogane’s right,” Fai says, reaching over and grabbing his brother’s hand again. “It’s impossible not to be hurt on a journey like this, isn’t it? Even the other Sakura got hurt badly, didn’t she?”

“Don’t you dare say she got hurt because of you,” Kurogane says before Yuui can speak. “You know better now.”

Yuui purses his lips and looks down, tears welling up in his eyes again.

“I just want to protect what’s precious to me. We’ve all… we’ve all been through enough.”

“You have too, Yuui,” Fai says with a hint of irritation. He wants to hit his brother in the head right now. He wishes his arms were longer so he could actually reach. “You know, when I was in the tower and I could see you climbing up the wall, I couldn’t stand it, that all I could do was stand around while you did so much. You were at it for _years_ , Yuui, I could see your blood never dried from all the way over there.”

“I had to get to you,” Yuui whispers, and Fai nods.

“I know, but I’m not in the tower anymore. You haven’t changed at all, have you? You will tear yourself apart for any of us, and you won’t care what happens to you as long as we don’t suffer a bit. You just did it, didn’t you? Why aren’t you in bed? You shouldn’t even be able to sit up after bringing us here on your own.”

Yuui swallows and looks down.

“It’s... it’s fine. I’m fine.”

Fai frowns. He knows Yuui is a good liar, but Fai is his other half and he can see through him. It seems like Yuui’s telling the truth, and he _looks_ alright, but something’s not right.

“Okay,” he says slowly, his frown deepening when Yuui doesn’t look up to meet his gaze. “Then why are you fine?” Predictably enough, Yuui doesn’t even react, so Fai turns to look at Kurogane. “Kurogane, please explain.”

“Don’t,” Yuui whispers.

“Then do _you_ want to?” Kurogane says, arching an eyebrow. “He has to know, you can’t shield him from everything.”

“It’s not— That’s not—”

“Mage,” Kurogane calls softly. For a reason that Fai can’t understand, Yuui immediately makes eye contact with the ninja, his eyes wide and wet. “Remember your words in Nihon. Even if it’s painful…”

Yuui takes a shuddering breath, and Fai suddenly feels like he shouldn’t be there, like he’s in the presence of an intimate moment that he shouldn’t be a part of. He’s used to those moments by now though, and Yuui finally turns to look at Fai, taking his hand and pursing his lips into an uncertain smile.

“I’m sorry, Fai… This isn’t fair of me, you’re not… you’re not weak at all. Sorry for not having faith in you… and sorry for taking your magic.”

Fai blinks, at loss of what to say. He turns to look at Kurogane, silently demanding answers because _what?_

“Mage took care of all the guys without using his magic, but he transported us here without the white bun’s help,” Kurogane explains. His expression darkens as he shoots a short glare at Yuui. “He was on the verge of death, after having so much of his magic drained. We had to ask a wish to the witch’s assistant so we could make a transplant of a bit of your magic to give it to him.”

“Yuui…”

Yuui closes his eyes and purses his lips, clearly holding back tears.

“I’m sorry, Fai,” he says, his voice trembling. “I am _so_ sorry.”

“Why? Yuui, I’m really thankful.”

Yuui looks at him like he’s crazy, and Fai lets out an incredulous chuckle.

“What are you talking about??”

“What did you even expect, Yuui?” He says, shaking his head. “A portion of my magic is worthless compared to your life. Yours was already halved anyway, so if some of mine has ended up in your body then it evens out.” He lets his smile widen, not trying to blink away the tears that are pooling in his eyes. “I like it more when we’re the same. There’s nothing negative about this.”

Yuui chokes on a sob that turns into a watery laugh. He lets his head drop on Fai’s lap, muffling his laughter on the hospital sheets.

Kurogane huffs. “All this time and you still haven’t learnt that if you bleed for us we will bleed for you too.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Yuui says, lifting his head and resting it on his crossed arms. “This idiot apologizes for being an idiot again. Sorry for worrying you, Kuro-tan.”

“Hmph,” is all that Kurogane graces him with. Yuui laughs softly and turns his head to look at Fai, his eyes red and puffy but his smile soft and sincere.

“Sorry, Fai. For assuming the worst and having no faith. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Fai replies, burying his hands into Yuui’s hair just because he can. “Value yourself more from now on, okay?”

Yuui closes his eyes and hums, relaxing, his tears drying. Fai can almost feel the thrumming of his own magic on his brother’s skin, and he relishes on it. Anything that will make them closer to each other, anything that will unite them any further is welcome. They will never be apart anymore, not when they’re like this.

“Sakura-chan said something similar to me once,” Yuui comments. “She wanted me to promise that I’d treasure myself above all else.”

“Did you make the promise?” Fai asks, curious. He hasn’t heard of that one before, but it sounds like something Sakura would say. She really is the best.

“Not really, no.”

“Well, you can promise now.” Fai retreats his hands from Yuui’s hair and holds out his thumb. He looks at his own hand, hums, and holds out the index one instead. He frowns. “Which one was it again? The promise finger.” Yuui laughs and Kurogane snorts, which makes Fai’s cheeks heat up in embarrassment. “Hey! Don’t make fun of me like that!”

Yuui only laughs harder, leaning back on his chair, while Kurogane says “promise finger” under his breath. Fai scowls and closes his arms, and as soon as he hears the hospital door opening he pouts at it.

Syaoran looks at him from the doorway, a little puzzled, Mokona perched up on his head. The magical construct hops towards Fai and lands weightlessly in front of him.

“Fai! You're awake!” She says, waving her little paws.

“How are you feeling?” Syaoran asks, closing the door behind him and walking towards the edge of the bed.

“Kurogane and Yuui are making fun of me because I don't remember which one was the promise finger,” Fai says, because that stings more than his wound. As if it’s his fault how sheltered he used to be.

Syaoran frowns at the two adults, and Yuui snickers behind his hand.

“You shouldn't make fun of Fai for not remembering something that isn't a part of his culture,” Syaoran scolds. He smiles at Fai and reaches out, his pinky stretched towards him. “It’s called a pinky swear.”

Fai smiles back and links his pinky with Syaoran’s.

“Let's promise to protect each other from Yuui and Kurogane’s lack of sensibility,” Fai says, eliciting immediate complaints from said insensitive men that he promptly ignores.

Syaoran’s smile has turned a little apologetic, but he still shakes their linked hands. Yuui lets out an overdramatic whine and Fai smiles triumphantly. That's what he gets.

“I was just laughing cause Fai is _so_ cute!” He complains, comically crestfallen. “I get falsely accused and now Syaoran-kun is trying to steal my brother, I can't believe this.”

“That's what you get for being an idiot.”

“Don't try to push all the blame on him, Kurogane-san,” Syaoran says, slipping his pinky free and reaching down.

Kurogane just glares at Syaoran, who calmly sets a couple of plastic bags on the foot of the bed.

“Is that food?” Fai asks, suddenly feeling how empty his stomach really is.

“Yep, we got a few things in case you were hungry when you woke up.”

“Let’s eat together, Syaoran!” Fai says, adjusting his position to sit up a little straighter. “You too, Mokona.”

“Food!” Mokona says, as eloquent as ever.

“Is your brother kicking us out?” Kurogane asks Yuui, who sighs and gets on his feet.

“It’s what we deserve, I guess,” Yuui replies, stretching his arms over his head and looking at Syaoran. “Any luck with jobs?”

“There seems to be a lot of demand,” Syaoran says. “I haven’t applied anywhere yet because medical assistance is free in this country, but you shouldn’t have any trouble finding something.”

“Sweet, thank you. Let’s go, Kuro-sama.”

Before Kurogane can do much more than grumble, Yuui is already dragging him by the arm. He glances back at Fai, who drops the façade to give Yuui a reassuring smile. Yuui huffs, smiles, and leaves the room with a cheerful wave.

“You’ve gotten really good at subtly giving them some alone time,” Syaoran comments, taking out three pieces of fresh bread from the bag. “Sakura and I have always been so obvious when we do it.”

Fai shrugs, taking the piece of bread and tearing a bite off before nibbling on it. He knows better than to throttle down his food when he’s been stabbed through the stomach, so he wills himself to eat slowly.

“Yuui noticed,” he says after swallowing his first bite. “Kurogane may have too, with how perceptive he is.”

“Still. Both you and Yuui-san have such a knack for acting less mature than what you really are and make it seem natural. It’s kind of amazing.”

Fai laughs and catches a water bottle that Syaoran throws at him.

“We used to think that the dumber we seemed in Valeria, the less of a threat the court would think we were. It didn’t work very well, though.” He smiles sheepishly. “Plus, even if I’m mature, there are still so many things I don’t understand. I swear the look Kurogane and Yuui were giving each other just before you came back was making me feel like a five year old.”

“But Kurogane and Yuui are always like that!” Mokona says. “Mommies and daddies are always older than the children!”

Fai doesn’t comment on the fact that he’s older than Kurogane, and that technically Syaoran is too, having lived his own life twice over, from his own eyes and those of his clone. When he thinks about it, maybe that’s why he feels so connected to Syaoran. Both of them have had their time frozen by the same person, both of them have a complicated relationship with age and growth. Both of them have to stand Yuui and Kurogane when they get all intense and gross and silly.

He regards the brown-haired boy for a moment, and he hopes that he enjoys Fai’s company as much as Fai enjoys Syaoran’s. Sakura was the first person Fai had ever befriended, but Syaoran is the first one who can understand his situation and the first one to whom he feels he has a deep bond with.

“Let’s be more careful in the next worlds,” he says, because having a bond means sharing worries and burdens. “Even if Yuui has more experience with magic than us, we shouldn’t let him shoulder all the responsibilities in situations like that anymore.”

Syaoran nods, solemn.

“Kurogane-san too. Neither of us are that young anymore, we can’t rely on these two so heavily anymore. Let’s work harder on our magic.”

“We could start sparring together too,” Fai adds. “It’d help us fight more in sync and it’d also give those two time to deal with all the tension they’ve got going on. We’d kill two birds with one stone.”

“That sounds good,” Syaoran agrees. He smiles fondly before holding out his pinky. “But promise me you’ll wait until you recover for good before we start.”

Fai wants to sigh and say that the cut isn’t _that_ deep, but he reaches out and links his pinky with Syaoran instead.

“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I have to inform I'm currently on finals and I'll probably have to slow updates down a bit ;; I have two other chapters drafted so those will be posted once a week instead of once every 2/3 days!! I'd rather use my time just to write this but y'know, college and all, responsibilities and all, I'd like to not fail, christ I'm so stressed out I just want the semester to be over
> 
> the titles for the last three chapters have been taken from amazarashi's "inochi ni fusawashii". once again I wholly recommend checking the song out and looking up the lyrics, it's brilliant


	7. people are always changing, and it's all lit up clearly by the rising sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fai and Kurogane want nothing more than for Yuui to be happy, and they collaborate as much as they need to to accomplish that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> absolutely no previous knowledge of Kobato is required for this chapter, but having read TWC is highly recommended

Kurogan watches as Fai holds the mechanical hand close to his face and frowns. The boy puts pressure on the center of it and the hand bends like any hand would. He brings it closer to his face and hums.

“Are you trying to eat it, squirt?” Kurogane says, amused.

The squirt, of course, ignores him.

“Move your pinky.” Kurogane moves the mechanical finger and Fai pokes at it. He squints and brings the hand even closer to his face. Kurogane has to admit, it’s kinda cute. “This one feels so real! How come the others didn’t feel this real?”

“That’s the latest Piffle technology for you!” says Fuuma, the bastard, as he waves a slice of fruit around while leaning back on his chair. Kurogane hopes he falls down like that. “It’s the first time he gets to have a prosthetic that wasn’t rushed or designed to fit into a freshly chopped stump.”

Kurogane grunts something unintelligible because he can, and because even if Fuuma isn’t doing anything wrong, Kurogane feels compelled to be aggressive towards him. There’s just something about him. Something that would have Kurogane punching his brains out if he hadn’t been ordered to stay still by the mage, who is applying some ointment on the scar tissue of his shoulder.

“It was about time,” Yuui comments, his fingers and breath warm against Kurogane’s back. “It’s been so many years already, and when we finally landed in Piffle and got a replacement Moko-chan’s earring just had to go and start glowing again. It must’ve been hard for Kuro-sama.”

Kurogane shrugs with his good shoulder and flicks the squirt’s forehead with his prosthetic hand. The boy meeps, but he continues examining his hand.

“It was fine,” he says, and he means it. It hurt, sure, it was inconvenient, sure, the wound took ages to heal properly, sure, apparently phantom limb pain is a thing and it sucks, sure. But it really was fine, it still is fine. He would gladly pay this price again if he had to.

“Yes, yes,” Yuui sighs, running a cloth over tanned skin and massaging his shoulder a bit more before patting it and standing up. “Whatever you say, Kuro-tan.”

“Oi, I mean it, you know that—”

“Fuuma-kun, will you help me do the dishes?” Yuui interrupts, briefly running a hand through Kurogane’s hair before walking up to Syaoran, who has his face buried in yet another book. The mage knocks on his head lightly. “Syaoran-kun, let’s go change your bandages. I can smell blood, some wounds must have opened on our ride to the palace.”

Kurogane glares at the mage’s back as he walks away with one brunette on each arm. He already misses the physical contact, and he can't help but direct his glare at Fuuma, who’s so casually… letting… the mage grab his arm.

Alright, so maybe Kurogane has it a little bad. He can admit that much, but he can't really be blamed when the mage looks so damn good dressed in Nirai Kanai’s clothes. He can't be blamed when, for some reason he still doesn't know, Yuui had let his hair loose for the few hours in which they made idle conversation while waiting for Syaoran to wake up. He always tied it back so fast, Kurogane isn't used to the sight and he can't get over it. His real fingers still tingle with the overwhelming urge to reach out, grab a strand of loose blonde hair and bring it to his lips.

But that's too intimate. It may mean nothing to the mage, but to Kurogane… that was his parents’ last kiss. He hasn't even _talked_ to Yuui about their relationship. He doesn't even _know_ if he’ll agree to live with him in Nihon after the journey is over. He doesn't even know how Fai will want to live his future.

Honestly, Kurogane would rather have wet dreams about the mage like a horny teenager than have himself imagining kissing his stupid soft hair. He’s even digging his own damn grave here, ruffling Yuui’s hair every chance he gets instead of trying to hit him like usual. Kurogane's organizing his own funeral and building the fucking casket from scratch.

“Um, Kurogane,” Fai speaks up all of the sudden, startling Kurogane out of his thoughts. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

Fai looks up at him, visibly nervous, but when their gazes lock the boy’s expression shifts into one of genuine confusion.

“Why are you blushing?”

“I'm not blushing!” Kurogane says, scandalized. “Ninjas don’t _blush_!”

“You blush plenty. All the time when Yuui smiles at you or wears something you like.”

He wants to argue with that because even if he has it bad he doesn’t have it _that_ bad, but the wide-eyed sincerity of the squirt makes Kurogane realize that he's fighting a losing battle. He sighs, defeated.

“Is this what you wanted to say?”

The blond’s expression shifts back to worry, and he looks down at his lap, fiddling with the mechanical hand that he’s still holding. Kurogane leaves it limp and gives the squirt his time.

“Do you think Yuui’s afraid of death?” Fai finally asks, so quiet Kurogane almost doesn't hear him.

“Of yours, yes. Of the kid’s and the white bun’s too.”

“And of yours?”

( _Pain clouds his vision, but the ninja clings to every other sense he has to make sure that the mage is still there with him, that he won’t ever lose him again. He tightens his one-armed grip and pulls him closer. He listens to his heavy breathing that eventually breaks into sobs. He smells nothing but his own blood, but that’s okay; he knows why he shed it._

 _He’s lying on solid ground and the sobs feel clearer than before. Hands are pressing at his wound, and_ ah _, that’s him, staying by Kurogane’s side, crying for him, loving him._

 _“Hurry! He’s going to die!” The voice is absolutely_ broken _, coated with emotions that the mage has never worn so clearly. “If he dies… if he dies, I’ll be…”_

 _Kurogane’s consciousness slips, but not before he thinks,_ You’ll be okay, because I’m never letting go.)

“...Yes,” Kurogane answers. “But not of his own.”

Fai frowns and looks towards the house. It's as if he's trying to see through the walls, to look directly at his brother, and he finds himself mirroring the squirt.

“The other Nirai Kanai was really scary,” Fai resumes. “It’s just… I guess I never really thought about it, but corpses do rot, don’t they? They rot, and then what’s left?”

“They fade and go back to earth,” Kurogane answers.

“Corpses didn’t rot in Valeria. It was too cold. They froze and remained as they were.” Fai draws his knees up to his chest and hugs them, making himself smaller. It’s a gesture Kurogane is familiar with, but one he hadn’t seen in a while. Infinity had been the last time the mage did it. “Sometimes I wondered if I had already died, if I was just a corpse sitting in a tower. I was so cold I couldn’t move, after all. But Yuui, he was always moving forward, always making that pile of bodies higher, always reaching closer to me. I admired that so much, how he gave himself completely to others. I wanted to die, so that he could live. Even though death scared me.”

Kurogane wants to smack the squirt on the head and tell him that thinking about these things is pointless now that they’re both alive and free, but he knows better. He’s been too brusque with the mage way too many times, he’s messed up because of his lack of consideration of their different upbringings way too many times. Yuui would kill him if he were to hurt Fai like that and, well, Kurogane doesn’t want to hurt Fai in the first place.

“Do you still want to die?” He decides to ask, his voice lowering.

Fai frowns and shakes his head. “No. I want to stay with Yuui.”

“But do you still think about it? Even if there’s no real desire.”

Fai looks at him, blinks slowly, looks back at the house.

“Does Yuui?”

“I think so. He’s been taking his death as a certainty for a stupidly long amount of time, and he’s actually tried. I’ve seen him try, and that can’t be easy to shrug off.”

Kurogane knows the lies can’t be either. The insecurity and fear can’t be either. The regret and the guilt can’t be either. But Kurogane’s never been one to back off from a challenge, and he’s long decided to take this one.

“I guess he’s got it worse than me,” Fai sighs. Kurogane flicks his forehead again, and this time Fai gasps and rubs at the quickly reddening spot.

“There’s no point of thinking that way. Just focus on recovering little by little.”

Fai gasps again, but this time it’s quiet and shaky. It reminds Kurogane of Yuui’s shuddering breaths, the ones he takes whenever Kurogane tries to show him that he’s worth the moon and the stars and the whole universe— whether that is by a touch, by an act, or by his words. The ninja takes pride on eliciting those reactions, on being an eye-opening asset to the twins’ future happiness.

“I’m so glad he has you,” Fai says, voice quivering with emotion. “I’m so glad _we_ have you, Kurogane.”

Kurogane huffs and ruffles the squirt’s hair. He averts his eyes because he feels the blush coming back to his face, and ninjas do not blush.

“Yeah,” he says awkwardly. “That’s why you two should come to Nihon after all this is over. If you don’t want to keep travelling, that is.”

Kurogane is surprised at how casual he has managed to sound when his pulse is hammering in his chest. He’s gotten it out though, and that’s a huge weight off his chest.

“...I want a home,” Fai murmurs, running a hand through his messy hair. “Travelling is nice, but I want a home. And I want Yuui to be happy, and he can’t be happy if he’s away from you.”

 _I can’t be happy if I’m away from him either_ , Kurogane thinks, looking at the house again and wishing he could see the mage’s face. _I don’t even know what it’d feel like to be in a different world from him. His presence is like breathing._

He looks at Fai again, a small grin appearing on his lips.

“Well, that’s good. I wanted to ask you your opinion before I said anything to him, but I want to tell him myself, so keep this a secret.”

“Sure,” Fai says, a timid smile on his lips now. “He’ll be so happy, Kurogane, he loves you so much.”

Kurogane huffs and looks away, but doesn’t bother to hide his blush now. It’s not like it’s new knowledge, that the mage loves him, but well. Hearing it out loud by the person the mage treasures the most still affects him.

“Whatever,” he says, scratching the back of his neck.

Yuui chooses that moment to come out of the house with Fuuma, laughing at something the other man is saying. His eyes catch Kurogane’s, and he waves with a wide, genuine smile. Kurogane snorts because it’s stupid to wave when he’s like ten steps away from him, but he returns the smile.

Maybe this man is still burdened with regret and guilt, maybe the sorrow and trauma still eat away at him every night, maybe he still thinks about death. Maybe these things will stay with him for as long as he lives, but maybe that doesn’t matter all that much, because Yuui has accepted Kurogane into his heart, has lowered his defenses and stripped away all his masks. He’s learnt to rely on others, to take care of himself, and to avoid needless sacrifices if he can. He’s learnt to believe in others, even if they’re weaker than himself, and he’s learnt that, just as he’s ready to sacrifice anything for the people he cares about, the people that care about him are ready to sacrifice just as much. It’s taken many years, it’s taken wounds and tears and hurt and hatred, but the mage still moves forward. Just like when he was a helpless child abandoned in a valley full of corpses, he climbs and climbs and keeps on climbing. Right now, he’s climbed to a place where his stance is relaxed and comfortable and his smile comes easy and effortless. In the future he may climb to a place where he can look at his reflection in a mirror and love what he sees, maybe in an even farther future he may climb to a place where nightmares don’t haunt him anymore.

But for now he’s made it this far, and Kurogane will be there if he ever slips and falls again. Yuui’s feet will never land on the bottom of a valley anymore, and that is more than enough.

Yuui walks up to him and quirks a questioning eyebrow. Kurogane just shakes his head before glancing at Fuuma.

“Leaving?”

“Yep! Dinner was wonderful, but I should go on my way.”

“Finally,” Kurogane mutters, groaning when Yuui smacks his head lightly. “You shouldn’t hit the convalescent, mage. You keep doing that.”

“Old habits die hard,” Yuui answers in his sing song voice, but he quickly gets serious. He leans his body forward, a bit over where Kurogane is sitting. Blonde hair cascades around his face, clouding his expression to everyone besides Kurogane. It’s soft and worried, his eyes affectionate. “Are you really okay?” He whispers so softly that it’s only audible to the ninja.

Kurogane regards the mage, warm and alive and _living_ a few mere inches from him. He feels his own expression softening, and he can’t bring himself to care to conceal it.

“Yeah, mage,” he says. “I really am.”

 

* * *

 

Fai is familiar with Valentine’s Day because, for some reason, it’s quite the common concept throughout the dimensions. He knows what it is, understands what it is, grasps the purpose of it, but he just does not get why people make such a big deal out of it. Granted, he does not have a lover, has never fallen in love, and can’t imagine himself with a partner, at least not yet. But he’s seen love from up close ever since he awoke in Clow, be it the quiet and comfortable companionship of Prince Touya and his high priest, the worded sweetness and devotion between Sakura and Syaoran, or the unspoken romance between his brother and Kurogane—which has taught him that actions speak louder than words, and that glances can carry much more meaning than he’d ever imagined. This kind of love he’s used to seeing is a love that is shown every day, and that doesn’t subject itself to special occasions or annual traditions that dictate how much affection you should show your lover. Valerian culture just did not have this kinds of celebrations, even birthdays being considered an inconsequential thing unless they marked the growing of dangerous, accursed beings like the twins of misfortune.

That’s why Fai can’t fully understand what the deal is with Valentine’s Day, and why Yuui can’t either (because despite the cheesy and flirty behavior he likes to indulge in, his Celesian upbringing lacked this kind of tradition just as much as his Valerian one). Kurogane, however, is a closet romantic. If Fai brings it up he will surely deny it vehemently, but they’ve decided to spend some of the money they gained doing odd jobs during the day on basic groceries to fill their stomachs, and the ninja keeps glaring at the flashy displays of chocolate in a way that’s almost humorous.

Fai sighs and looks at the street through the store’s window. Yuui is waiting for them outside as he chats with this world’s version of Prince Touya (who had been working dressed in a ridiculous bunny costume, and is now taking a break that he seems to have desperately needed), relaxed and ignoring the odd glances the passersby send him. Their clothes are strange in this world, but not so strange that they’re seen as anything else than ‘cosplayers’’, whatever that word means. The girl letting them sleep in her house, Kobato, doesn’t seem to have any money or… belongings in general, so they haven’t had the luxury to change into anything appropriate for casual wear.

It’s not like they spend a lot of time in any world these days. Fai doesn’t remember the last time they spent more than three days in one, and he’s honestly getting a little worn out. He hopes that the shorter stays mean that their long journey is coming to an end, but the idea of parting from Syaoran and Mokona anytime soon isn’t a comforting one. It’ll feel like losing a sibling.

But that is that and there’s no point dwelling on it now. Fai hops to the chocolate aisle with his hands behind his back, regarding all of them. He picks up a small chocolate heart wrapped in a plastic back that is tied with a blue ribbon. He turns it around to glance at the price and nods to himself.

“Here, Kurogane,” he says as he hands the chocolate heart to the man picking up two cans of beer.

Kurogane stares down at Fai, then at the heart, then back at Fai.

“You’re giving me Valentine’s Day chocolate?” He asks, skeptical.

Fai laughs and shakes his head.

“No, you’re giving it to Yuui.”

“No, I’m not.”

Yuui huffs and forces the chocolate heart into the crook of Kurogane’s elbow. The man frowns, but given how both of his hands are occupied he doesn’t resist.

“Why the hell,” Kurogane starts, slowly and deliberately, “do you think I’d want to give this to the mage.”

“Because it’s Valentine’s Day and you’re in love with him,” Fai simply replies, the answer obvious to him.

It doesn’t seem obvious to Kurogane, however, because the black-haired man is suddenly sputtering and going very red in the face, waving one of the beer cans around, which is wasting a perfectly good beer can because no one will have the courage to open that knowing the liquids will be sent flying as soon as it’s open. Not that Fai likes beer. Beer is gross.

“I don’t— I’m not in—”

“You don’t have to speak to me like I’m a stupid child, Kurogane,” Fai says, frowning and putting his hands on his hips. “If anything I should be the one treating you like a child. I’m much older than you.”

Kurogane seems ready to retort, but he stops as he’s opening his mouth, and he shakes his head slightly.

“I forgot about you magicians and your age,” he says, sighing. “How old are you anyway?”

“I’m not sure, actually, time really blurred up in the tower and I had no way of keeping track,” he says, shrugging. “But approximately speaking, if I don’t count the years I spent frozen in Clow, I should be around sixty or seventy odd years old.” He smiles at Kurogane as the man gapes at him. “Yuui should be somewhere around three hundred years old, by the way. Maybe a little less, but definitely around there.”

“...huh,” says Kurogane.

“You’re a brat, Kurogane.” Fai blinks, stops to ponder something, and then smiles a silly smile that must surely look like it doesn’t belong in his face. “Kuro-brat.”

It is said in a quite accurate impersonation of Yuui, the voice a higher pitch but the lilt still characteristic to his brother. Kurogane’s flush deepens and he sends a warning glare at Fai.

“Don’t,” he wheezes, and Fai bursts out laughing, clutching his stomach. “Seriously. Don’t ever do that again.”

“I won’t if you take the chocolate,” Fai says, his voice bubbly with laughter, “and you have to give it to Yuui.” Kurogane scowls and doesn’t agree, so Fai pouts childishly. “Pretty please, Kuro-tan?”

Kurogane visibly shudders, and Fai snorts, failing to suppress his laughter. Kurogane is putting the beers back in the fridge to grab the chocolate heart Fai had shoved onto him and put it in the grocery basket. He then goes for a stronger alcohol and stomps towards the counter, muttering “gross, fucking gross,” under his breath.

Fai giggles to himself, endeared by the thought of how easy it is to get under the ninja’s skin when Yuui is concerned. Kurogane had told him once that ninjas need to exert perfect control at all times, but the man is surprisingly easy to manipulate. Maybe he’s right and Kurogane really is a bit of a brat, after all. He’s still giggling when Kurogane storms back to him with a plastic bag in hand and ruffles his hair roughly. It only makes him laugh louder, and when Kurogane stops he has to wipe at the tears that are pooling in the corners of his eyes.

“Come on,” he says, trying to untangle his hair as he walks towards the door because bringing the ruckus outside is the only sensitive thing to do. “You’ll want to thank me later. Maybe Yuui will even give you a kiss. Then you’ll have to thank me a lot.”

Kurogane scoffs, his expression suddenly condescending.

“You sure I’m the brat, brat?” He asks as he pulls the door open and starts walking off. “The mage and I started doing shit way nastier than kissing before you and I even met.”

Alright, so maybe it takes Fai a little bit to get what Kurogane is saying (because of lack of experience, not lack of wits). But then it hits him, because Fai knows what sex is, but he didn’t know Kurogane and Yuui had already gotten intimate, and he suddenly wishes he _didn’t_ know what sex was and what it entailed. He also wishes he could erase images from his mind, and he generally wishes he could unhear things. Kurogane has already gotten to Yuui’s side when Fai’s face starts burning and he makes his way to the two adults, ignoring Yuui to weakly kick Kurogane in the shin. The man doesn’t even flinch, and that bothers him so much.

“Fai?” Yuui asks, but Fai blocks him out because he does _not_ want to look at his face at the moment.

“Gross!” He yells at Kurogane, who is smirking at him like he’s won something, which he _hasn’t_. “Disgusting, Kurogane! I don’t need to know that kind of stuff!”

Kurogane shrugs.

“Then stop shoving your nose in my business,” he simply replies, already walking off to the nearby park where they had agreed to eat at. Fai grabs Kurogane’s cloak and finds himself being dragged forward, but he still glares.

“Why would you even say that? That’s my brother! My _twin_ brother!”

“What in the world did you tell Fai?” Yuui demands, frowning at Kurogane. Kurogane just shrugs, and when Fai finally looks at his brother he decides he wants this conversation to be over.

“Nothing,” he mumbles, letting go of Kurogane’s cloak and walking ahead. He stops dead in his tracks and turns around to give Yuui a thoughtful look. “Actually, I’ll tell you if you two go on ahead without me for a second. I want to check something.”

“Check what?” Yuui asks. “I don't want to leave anyone alone, if I can help it.”

Yuui looks worried, but Fai knows he’s gotten better at his crippling fear of leaving Fai’s side. He has more faith in him now, and Fai takes pride on that.

“It's a really peaceful world, Yuui. I'll be fine. I promise I'll tell you later.”

Yuui purses his lips and looks at Kurogane, who nods shortly, surely knowing what Fai is plotting. It doesn't take any more than that for the two men to walk towards the park and for Fai to pretend to go the opposite way. Because of course he has to monitor Kurogane in case he somehow messes up the simple act of handing out a chocolate heart. He casts a silencing spell around him and follows within a safe distance. He spots a tall tree near the park and decides he’ll watch from there, so he climbs up the trunk and settles his weight on a thick branch.

He's a little far away, but he has a good enough view. Yuui has hopped on a swing like he did on the night they arrived, but this time he's sitting, dragging his feet through the sand as he does it. He's visibly moping, talking words Fai can't quite catch, so he doesn't seem to notice Kurogane shoving a hand in the plastic bag and practically throwing the chocolate heart at his head. Yuui yelps and catches the package.

“Will you shut up already?” Kurogane says, and Fai hears because Kurogane’s yelling.

 _Oh, Kurogane,_ Fai thinks, shaking his head. _You're so hopeless._

Yuui asks something, Kurogane replies gruffly. Yuui gives a watery smile and opens the wrapper with shaky hands. He bites into the chocolate and _beams_ , and Fai smiles to himself because he knew this would be worth it. Yuui is grabbing Kurogane by his shirt and dragging him down into a kiss now, and Fai’s smile widens.

This is what love looks like. It can't possibly look like anything else.

What love doesn't look like is Yuui taking another bite of chocolate, but this time keeping it between his teeth as he kisses Kurogane again. Deeply and all. That’s just nasty, and Fai pointedly looks away.

Okay, so between Kurogane and him maybe he _is_ the brat. He'll gladly embrace that role if that means he won't have to think about Yuui’s happiness in, uhm, adult matters ever again. He's his brother, for god’s sake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in the kobato anime the family just lands there on episode 20 and they make a lot of ridiculously meta voice actor jokes, but I remember watching and being pissed that it was valentine's day and kurofai didn't even make a joke about it. I finally got to take matters in my own hands with this and I'm very satisfied
> 
> thank you for reading up until now!! I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments


	8. beautiful memories always come when night shows through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuui loves Kurogane, and Kurogane loves him back. It's been a long journey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... kind of made myself really emotional with this chapter. I hope you all enjoyed the dimensional travel part of the fic, and I hope that you'll enjoy what there is to come as well. thank you very much for reading up until this point ❤️

Yuui kind of wants to cry.

They are in the shop, and this is the last stop of their journey. When dawn comes, Syaoran will return to Clow, Kurogane will go back to Nihon, and the twins will be going their own way. Yuui has until dawn to make a choice. Or rather, he has until dawn to work up the courage to ask Kurogane if he’ll let them come to Nihon with him.

He’s talked about this several times with Fai. Fai wants to go to Nihon, the two times they ended up landing there had had him completely enamoured with the world. He was fascinated by the culture and magic there and he had gotten along wonderfully with Tomoyo.

Yuui wants to go to Nihon too, for both the reasons Fai has and for his own selfish ones. Like the reason that he doesn’t think he can stand being worlds apart from Kurogane, or the reason that he doesn’t want anyone but himself by the ninja’s side. He wants a future with him, has wanted it for many years, but is he really in the position to ask for it when Kurogane still hasn’t shared anything about his plans for the future? Yuui knows his love isn’t one-sided, he’d be stupid not to considering how intimate they are. But mutual love doesn’t entail a future together. Mutual love doesn’t entail bringing someone to a home they don’t belong to. And although Kurogane has dropped hints that he may want Yuui by his side when he returns home, hints are hints. Yuui isn’t confident enough to go without explicit proof that he is wanted.

He sighs and runs a hand through Fai’s hair, who’s fallen asleep on the floor with Maru, Moro and the Mokonas. They’re a messy heap of limbs and hair, but they seem content enough to sleep as they are. After all, they’ve handled the alcohol Doumeki brought as well as it was expected of their small bodies. The only truly sober people in the room are Syaoran and Watanuki, who have had nothing to drink and are quietly exchanging and examining mutual treasures and trinkets in a corner of the room; and Kurogane and Doumeki, who can hold their alcohol like beasts and are having what seems like the chillest conversation in the world. Yuui brings his cup to his lips and downs the rest of the alcohol left in it, closing his eyes and relishing in the taste and body of it. Whenever he sees Syaoran with his other self and Kurogane with the stoic shop assistant he befriended as soon as they met, he wonders if he would’ve found a soul similar to his that could’ve been a reassuring presence to him in the shop. Maybe that soul would’ve been Yuuko, if Yuui had been able to meet her under normal circumstances.

It’s lonely, somehow. Yuui must really have a strange fixation with powerful, long-lived magicians  that had long black hair and died with a lot of unresolved issues. First Ashura, now Yuuko… he wonders if he would’ve liked Clow, had they met.

“Yuui-san.”

Yuui starts and opens his eyes. He looks up at Doumeki, who’s standing in front of him and holding another bottle of liquor. Yuui tilts his head and smiles.

“Yeah?”

Doumeki stares at him with that impenetrable expression of his. He sits down and Yuui scoots backwards to leave some room on the tatami mat.  

“You seemed asleep,” Doumeki finally says.

“I was just thinking. Weren’t you talking with Kuro-pon?”

“I was.”

Yuui arches an eyebrow and looks towards the courtyard window. Kurogane is still sitting where he had been when talking to Watanuki, but he’s looking straight at him. Before Yuui can react to that, Kurogane cocks his head, gesturing at him to go over there. Yuui swallows and looks at his lap, nervous. He doesn’t think he’s ready just yet, but that’s a chance if he’s ever seen one. He looks up at Doumeki, who nods at him, and Yuui smiles, defeated. He stands up and walks over the bodies of the children, careful not to trip over any of them. The shop is big, and only when he’s standing next to Kurogane he realizes how much intimacy there really is, the energetic and curious ones being asleep and the three remaining going about their business. He closes the paper door for privacy and sits down next to the ninja, letting his legs dangle off the wooden edge of the floor, feet brushing the grass of the yard. He looks ahead and smiles to himself. Funny how Kurogane’s presence can soothe him like it does, even when Kurogane himself is the source of his anxiety.

“Doumeki-kun isn’t a messenger, you know,” he says quietly, lightly bumping his shoulder with Kurogane’s and letting his weight rest there. “You didn’t have to send him to get me.”

“I didn’t,” Kurogane replies, leaning back against Yuui. “I said I wanted to talk to you and he just went without a word.”

“That sounds like him,” Yuui says, shifting slightly so that he can look up at Kurogane without craning his neck. “What did you want to talk about?”

Kurogane breathes deeply and looks back at him. His expression is soft and relaxed, something that he doesn’t show often. It’s Yuui’s favorite expression on Kurogane, so he leans forward and steals a quick kiss.

“Oi,” Kurogane grunts, but his voice is laced with something akin to fondness and laughter, so Yuui just smiles and kisses him again. “How am I gonna talk like this, idiot?” Kurogane says against his mouth, and Yuui just giggles and pulls back.

“Just lightening the mood, Kuro-tan,” he whispers.

“You’re stupid,” Kurogane says. There’s never any real force behind those words anymore.  

“Aren’t I?”

Kurogane huffs and shakes his head, but he’s not hiding his affectionate grin, which makes it _very_ difficult for Yuui to not lean close and kiss him again.

“Listen, mage,” he starts. “We’ve been dancing around this subject for a few years now, and I can’t believe I’ve chickened out of it so many times, but…” Kurogane takes a deep breath, and Yuui stops breathing altogether. “Come with me to Nihon tomorrow. You and the squirt.”

Yuui feels all the tension that has built up for this entire second journey seep out of him like a drawn breath, and he sighs in relief. His body sags forward, and he rests his face on his trembling hands.

“God, Kuro-sama,” he says into his hands. “Asking a bit close to the deadline, don’t you think?”

“I had to ask the squirt for permission, okay?” Kurogane says, his tone defensive. “This isn’t as easy as just telling you, there’s procedures and shit.”

Yuui looks up from his hands, his eyebrows quirked. Kurogane’s frowning, but he looks embarrassed.

“What?” He says, straightening his spine and looking at his partner in disbelief. “I know this is an important thing and it weighted on my conscience a lot, but Fai is my brother. You’re talking like you’re a suitor asking my parents for my hand, to be honest.”

“I kinda am though.”

Yuui’s jaw drops.

“You... _what_?” He asks, bringing a hand to his chest and leaning back. “If this is your idea of a joke, Kuro-sama, you have a wicked sense of humor.”

“Why the hell would I joke about this?” Kurogane hisses, going red. “I plan to bring you to Nihon as my consort, idiot, and I know you would say no if I didn’t ask your brother first.”

Yuui’s pretty sure his heart has stopped beating and he’s already going into _rigor mortis_ , because, gods help him, he can’t move a muscle.

“Your… your consort,” he says dumbly. “Me, the ninja’s consort.”

“No, you moron, I was nobility before I lost my home. I want to rebuild it in the future. With you, hopefully, so… the Lord’s consort.”

Yuui blinks, rubs his eyes, blinks again. He pinches his forearm, runs a hand through his bangs, shifts his weight. Oh, his head is going to explode. He’s going to get the paper door stained with his blood because his head is going to explode. So he’s welcome in Nihon. Apparently Kurogane’s a lord. He wants to rebuild his home with Yuui. And he…

“Did you just propose to me while calling me a moron?” He asks. “Did you seriously just tell me I’m an idiot while asking me to marry you?”

Kurogane’s eyes widen in surprise, and then he crosses his arms and looks pointedly away. As if he has any right to be grumpy after proposing in the worst way possible. That just won’t do.

“Okay, my bad,” he says. “Just... Listen, I need an answer.”

“Ask me properly and I’ll give it to you,” Yuui retorts, serious. He can feel his face heating up and his chest constricting, especially when Kurogane looks back at him in surprise. But he has to hear it properly. He needs to. “It’s not selfish, is it? To want to hear it properly.”

Kurogane’s expression turns serious as well, his gaze gaining that particular intensity that makes Yuui feel like he’s seeing all of him, like he’s regarding everything that makes him who he is. He used to hate it. He melts under it now.

“It’s not.” He reaches over and takes Yuui’s hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing his knuckles without breaking eye contact. “Yuui D. Flourite, prince of Valeria, court magician of Celes, you are my best friend, my partner, and the man I trust and respect the most. I refuse to imagine living my life without you, so come back with me to my home, not only as the mage I travelled with for so long, but as my consort as well.”

Yuui tries to blink the tears that cloud his vision away, but when Kurogane reaches over to wipe them away from the corners of his eyes, he lets them fall freely. He takes Kurogane’s hand in his own and turns his head to kiss his palm.

“Gladly,” he whispers against calloused skin. “I wouldn’t have it any other way. You are my everything.”

“And you are mine too,” Kurogane replies. “And I’m gonna show that when we go back. I’m going to give you something that I used to pledge my loyalty to my master, something that only she knows.”

“Yeah?” Yuui asks, sniffing.

Kurogane smiles and leans forward to kiss Yuui’s eyelids. He pulls back just a little, so Yuui wraps his arms around the ninja’s neck and keeps him close, resting his forehead against the other’s.

“Yeah. I’ll give you my real name, the one I gave away as an oath of loyalty when Suwa fell. I’ll have to ask Tomoyo for permission first, since I _did_ give it to her, but I— Whoa, hey.”

“Shut up,” Yuui says as he tightens his grip on Kurogane’s neck and all but climbs into his lap, hiding his face in the crook of his partner’s neck and bringing their bodies as close as possible. “Shut up, Kuro-sama, shut up for a minute.”

Kurogane obliges and hugs him back, kissing his hair and bringing him closer to his chest. Little by little, Yuui’s breathing syncs up with Kurogane’s, and they slow down together. Yuui lets out a shaky breath and kisses Kurogane’s neck right where he can feel his pulse beating.

“You’re so unfair, Kuro-sama,” he whispers. “I don’t have anything to give you back.”

“Don’t be stupid, this isn’t a competition,” Kurogane says, tugging lightly at his ponytail. “Just go home with me, that’s all I ask.”

Yuui isn’t sure if he deserves this much trust, this much devotion, something this good. Kurogane has always been too good for him, but what he is offering him was so much more than he’d ever imagined. Yuui is an accursed twin, and good things aren’t allowed to happen to him.

But he’s gotten his brother back, he has a found family that wholeheartedly accepts him, and the most wonderful man in all the worlds loves him and wants him by his side. So even if he’s not sure if he deserves this, he can believe it’s happening. For once in his life, he won’t try to run away from the good things.

“Okay, thank you,” he mumbles. He rubs his face on Kurogane’s shoulder to dry his tears before pulling back and looking at his lover in the eyes. “But you know, you’re really not getting any positive husband points for making jabs at my intelligence during your marriage proposal. That’s been three times now.”  

Kurogane rolls his eyes and tightens his arms around Yuui’s waist.

“Get used to it, mage, you know I’m not changing.”

Yuui frowns and tilts his head, leaning forward until there’s only a few inches left separating their faces.

“Say my name again?” He asks quietly. “Just once more, without added titles or honorifics.”

If Kurogane refuses to comply Yuui will threaten him to never let him live down the whole ‘marry me, idiot’ incident in this clumsy proposal, but lucky for him his future husband is as cheesy as he is adorable, so he whispers “Yuui,” in the quietest of voices and then closes the distance to give him a slow, lazy kiss. He tastes strongly of Doumeki’s liquor, and Yuui smiles as much as the kiss allows him to. He wonders how much Kurogane has had to drink to be able to muster up the courage for this proposal. It’s not like he would have said no and Kurogane’s not insecure enough to be uncertain about this all, but Yuui _does_ have the tendency to be rather unpredictable. He imagines Kurogane grumpily asking Fai for advice, and he has to break the kiss to chuckle into his hand.

“What?” Kurogane asks, his voice husky and yet still adorably grumpy. “What’s so funny?”

“You’re so cute, Kuro-tan,” Yuui says, cupping Kurogane’s face with both hands and squishing his cheeks. “I love you so much.”

Kurogane seems at a loss on how to reply, his expression a strange mix of embarrassed and annoyed. He blinks a couple of times and turns his head to look at the paper door separating the courtyard from the adjacent room, which, Yuui realizes, has gone unnaturally quiet. He sighs and lets Kurogane’s face go to reach over and pull the door open. Fai stumbles out and falls flat on his face, and Yuui sighs again.

“You know this is a paper door, right? You don’t have to press up against it to eavesdrop.”

“Scold him for eavesdropping instead, won’t you?” Kurogane grumbles, dragging a hand down his face. “Or them. Open the door, you inconsiderate brat.”

Doumeki slides the door fully open to reveal him, Maru, Moro and the Mokonas equally close to it. Yuui huffs and crawls out of Kurogane’s lap, considering the moment dead and buried.

“I’m thirty-two, I don’t think I count as a brat,” Doumeki says in his characteristic deadpan as Yuuko’s four magical creations trot and hop away while giggling. “Oh, and congratulations.”

“We’re going to Nihon!” Fai cheers, throwing himself from the ground to flop on Yuui’s back, wrapping his arms around his neck. “Took you long enough to ask, Kurogane.”

“You shut up, squirt, eavesdroppers don’t get to make reproaches,” Kurogane says, reaching over and ruffling Fai’s hair affectionately. Yuui finds himself smiling ear to ear and grabbing Kurogane’s hand when he retreats it. The ninja doesn’t pull away, and he smiles back at him. Not a small grin or a crooked smirk, a genuine smile that has Yuui’s breath catching because of how stunning it is. God, he loves this man. He loves him so much.

“It’s not my fault you guys started yelling at each other and woke me up!” Fai says, and Yuui can almost hear him pouting. “I naturally had to watch out in case you messed up!”

“When did we wake you?” Yuui asks, because a fight breaking out is the last thing he wants at the moment.

“Kuro-papa,” the white Mokona, _their_ Mokona, says in her perfect impersonation of Yuui’s voice, “did you just propose to me while calling me a moron?”

Maru and Moro start giggling again, and Yuui can’t help but join in with his own laughter.

“You’re the one who’s a moron, Kurogane,” Fai says, sighing and letting his body sag against Yuui’s back. “To think someone like you is gonna be my brother in law…”

Yuui feels to giddy to get mad at Kurogane for trying to smack Fai over the head. He’s taught Fai well, and the boy ducks swiftly before running off to make Watanuki and Syaoran snap out of their work-related trance.

He’s still laughing in delight when Syaoran scurries over with tears in his eyes and hugs them both to congratulate them. The moment would be infinitely better if they could share it with Sakura too, but this feels right.

For the first time in his life, Yuui doesn’t feel too afraid to admit to himself that he’s happy.

 

* * *

 

Morning comes too fast, and Yuui doesn’t think anything could have prepared him for the parting. He’d parted from Sakura with a promise and the possibilities to visit often, but there’s no promise now. Mokona is staying at the shop, Syaoran is going back to Clow, and even if Yuui _knows_ he will see them again, there’s no promise. He’s spent every single day of the past few years with these children, and not seeing them for gods know how long… he’s not prepared for that. Being unable to protect them and be there for them when they need him, being unable to make them laugh… he’s gonna miss them terribly.

But he knew this day would come and, prepared or not, there’s no helping it.

Mokona is crying into Kurogane’s chest, and for once Kurogane is hugging her tightly. Maru and Moro are clinging to Syaoran’s arms and refusing to let go. Fai and Yuui are speaking to Watanuki, who suddenly fishes out two golden necklaces in the shape of a crescent moon from the sleeve of his kimono and hands it to them. Fai makes a small “ah” noise and takes one of them, but Yuui squints at the magic oozing from the golden moon.

“Take it,” Watanuki says. “They’re translation charms that only work with the language spoken in Nihon.”

Yuui frowns. He knows how useful these will be when Fai has _no_ knowledge of any language outside of Valerian and the six months Yuui spent playing mute in Yama weren’t really enough to fare well outside of a battlefield, but he has no idea where these came from and he _knows_ how this shop works.

“Who wished for these, Watanuki-kun?” He asks, still not taking the charm.

“I did,” Fai says, smiling up at him. “I paid for it too, so don’t worry.”

Yuui feels worry working up his gut, because these charms are very valuable and they can’t be paid with just anything, and what does Fai have to offer other than magic?

“With what?” He asks with urgency.

“You know that notebook I’ve been writing on for a while? The one I told you was a travel journal?” Fai says, and Yuui nods slowly because how in the hell would a travel journal be enough for this? “I lied. It’s a Valerian dictionary.”

“Language in exchange for language,” Watanuki says, smiling. “These charms will only last a few years, but they’ll be enough for you two to adapt and learn the language at your own pace. They only have an effect when in direct contact with your skin.”

Speechless, Yuui takes the charm and brings it close to his face to examine it. Small crystals and minerals of varying hues of reds hang in delicate threads from a base of gold that creates the shape of the emblematic crescent moon of Shirasagi castle.

“Fai…” He says, holding the charm close to his chest and looking at his twin again.

Fai shrugs and his smile widens. “It was quite a lot of work, but since I made the wish a couple of visits ago I had tons of time for it.”

“You could’ve asked for my help.”

“No, I couldn’t have,” Fai shakes his head, looking down at his own charm. “You didn’t know we were going to Nihon yet, and I promised Kurogane not to say anything. Plus, I kind of figured you wouldn’t accept these until they were paid for and in our hands, _even_ if it’s totally necessary because we’ll be living in the court and not being able to speak or understand anything would be horrible.”  

Yuui can’t argue to that, so he sighs and holds out his hand to squeeze Watanuki’s arm.

“Thank you, Watanuki-kun. For these, for your hospitality, and for everything you have done for us until now.”

Watanuki shakes his head and gives him a sad smile—the only kind of smile that he seems capable to sport around them.

“It’s what Yuuko-san would have done,” he says, his expression softening in a way it only does when he talks about Yuuko. “Besides, any family of Syaoran’s deserves only the best treatment from me.”

The entrance of the shop is small, and the words reach everyone’s ears. Syaoran gently shakes off Maru and Moro and takes a few strides to get to Watanuki and wrap his arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. Watanuki seems a little tense and very surprised, but he eventually relaxes and returns the embrace. It’s the first time Yuui has seen Watanuki show that much vulnerability, so he smiles and takes a step back to give them space.

“Kimihiro, I…” Syaoran says before shaking his head and tightening the hug.

Yuui’s smile softens, and he gestures for Kurogane to come over to where him and Fai are. When Kurogane obliges, Mokona jumps to Yuui’s shoulder, and Yuui cradles her with a hand.

“Syaoran-kun, Watanuki-kun,” he calls, waiting for the two boys—or men, because they’ve both grown in one way or the other—to turn to look at him before continuing. “I think we should set off first.”

“Yuui-san…” Syaoran says.

Yuui shakes his head. “You two deserve some more time together and alone.” He looks up at Kurogane, who nods silently, and then looks back at Syaoran. “It’s okay.”

“You’ll be travelling with your own transportation magic, yes?” Watanuki asks, stepping forward.

“Yeah, Fai has already learnt the spell, and we have more than enough magic between the two of us.”

“Kurogane, Yuui, Fai…” Mokona says in a quiet, meek voice that makes Yuui’s heart break a little bit. “I’ll miss you so much…”

“We will too, pork bun,” Kurogane says, leaning forward and patting Mokona on her head. He then gestures at Syaoran. “C’mere, kid.”

Syaoran obliges without a second thought and, when he gets to them, Kurogane secures every single one of them in a big group hug. Yuui wraps his arms around Kurogane and Syaoran’s backs, and pulls them even closer.

It’s ending. It’s really ending. Years and years ago, he had stood in this very same spot with a broken soul and a grim, lonely future. Years and years ago, he had met a different boy and a different princess that were as his as the Syaoran and Sakura that he had ended his travels with. Years and years ago, Mokona had seemed nothing more than an inconsequential magical creature that was nothing like the family member he treasured so much now. Years and years ago, he had met a ninja he was was supposed to kill that ended up giving him the love, confidence and security he thought he would never, ever have. These people had helped him get Fai back, and he can’t bear getting separated from them. After all that they have gone through, this family can’t ever be broken, but worlds of distance are something immense.

Yuui knows he’s crying, but so are Syaoran, Fai and Mokona. Kurogane’s shoulders are shaking slightly too, and he tightens the hug even more.

“I’ll think of you two and Sakura-chan every day,” Yuui says with a broken voice. “Every single day. And you need to promise me that you’ll stay safe and take care until we meet again.”

“I promise,” Syaoran and Mokona whisper in unison, and those are the last words that Yuui hears before conjuring the transportation spell and leaving the shop to never come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my best friend [suzu](http://yuudamari.tumblr.com/) drew [this wonderful piece](http://yuudamari.tumblr.com/post/174882099996/syaoran-gently-shakes-off-maru-and-moro-and-takes/) (also on [twitter](https://twitter.com/tamensou/status/1007241563435667457) and [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BkAWxUMFmqS/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=1whbp6a4u6sil/)) for this chapter. please do go check out her clamp art and give her some love!! if it wasn't for her I would've never read trc in the first place, and this fic (or any other of mine) wouldn't exist. thank you for always encouraging me, love ❤️
> 
> these last three chapter titles were taken from haruki on the road by amazarashi. it's beautiful, check it out if you can, yadda yadda you know the drill


	9. the dawn waiting for us is just around the corner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Nihon, Kurogane gives Yuui his name. For once, they take it easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait, you all, I finished finals but then I completely ran out of energy and writing just took a lot out of me yknow? still, I hope you enjoy this chapter!! we're still going cheesy and emotional in here
> 
> also I know they always call the empress amaterasu in tsubasa but since in rg veda her name is kendappa it just feels off to call her something else y'know? so sorry if there's confusion cause of that

Landing in Nihon feels strange to Kurogane. Yuui has been counting the days since their journey started, but the numbers don’t really stick with Kurogane, so to him it feels like decades since he was vanished from Nihon by his very master. He would’ve never admitted to this way back when it all started, but he is now convinced that he left this country a boy and has now returned a man. It’s strange. He’s happy to be back, but it’s strange.

There was a time where he had wished for nothing more than to come back home. That Kurogane, the angry, misguided Kurogane, would have never expected his return to feel so bittersweet. He would have never expected to come back with two blonds in hand, or to wish to have come back with two extra brunettes and a little fluffy ball of magic. He would have never expected to return to Nihon with a found family that felt as his as the people tied to him by blood had.

It’s been a couple of days now, but time has gone by so fast it’s felt like just a handful of hours. Yuui and Fai have been introduced to the court of Shirasagi castle as peaceful foreign princes that have been and will be very helpful to the country. The most traditional nobles have taken them in with as much scorn as Kurogane had expected, but with the twins’ thick skin and the protection of the Amaterasu and the Tsukuyomi, it seems like things won’t get any nastier than gossip and glares. Still, Kurogane isn’t happy with it.

( _“I’m used to being shunned, Kuro-sama,” the mage said. “Compared to the Valerian court, these people are saints.”_

_“That doesn’t mean I have to like that you two are being treated unjustly,” Kurogane answered. “Or that you’re used to it.”_

_Yuui smiled and kissed him sweetly. Kurogane then made a promise to himself that he’d make the people of Nihon accept this man who spared kindness for everyone but his own self._ )

The announcement of their engagement has gone as well as expected. Rather, as well as Kurogane expected. Yuui had been flabbergasted by the fact that the Empress and the Princess congratulated him and even acted excited about the engagement. He had gone on about how he thought that there’d be more prejudice, especially within the court, and then he had promptly shut up when he was told that the country of Nihon was exclusively ruled by lesbians.

Kurogane still hasn’t talked with Tomoyo about leaving her side. She knows they plan to rebuild Suwa, but he still hasn’t told her that he plans to take over and rule it alongside the mage. He hasn’t asked her for permission to give his name away either. He will now, in a few minutes, when she quits her dress-em-up shenanigans and stops playing with the twins as if they were her new toys and models.

Speaking of, Tomoyo really needs to stop putting the mage in furisodes. She’s not being subtle and Yuui isn’t going to be unmarried for long anyway, so it’s pointless. Kurogane knows she’s doing it just to mess with him because he got a little worked up the first couple of times, but he’s above that now. He’s over it.

Tomoyo hums with a hand on her cheek before reaching up and undoing the ribbon tying Yuui’s hair back. Blonde hair falls free over dark blue fabric, and Kurogane gulps. The mage tucks a strand behind his ear, and, and, uh.

Well, nevermind.

“Can’t I just keep it tied back?” Yuui asks, twirling a strand between his fingers. The urge to take that strand between his own fingers and bring it to his lips is so intense it’s almost scary. “It gets in the way like this.”

“But you look so much prettier with your hair down!” Tomoyo protests. “Though if it genuinely bothers you maybe we could try to tie back a few strands in a hairdo similar to mine.”

“Only women wear their hair like that,” Kurogane intervenes, snatching the red ribbon from Tomoyo’s hands and handing it to the mage. “Here.”

“You always focus on the insignificant details, Kurogane!” The princess pouts. “I bet you’re just opposing because you don’t want anyone else but you to see him look that good, you selfish man!”

“Yikes, it’s because of that?” Fai asks, tucking his hands inside the sleeves of his kimono and smiling that impish smile he’s become fond of using when he teases Kurogane. “You selfish man.”

“Shut up, you two! It’s not like that!” He says, and he isn’t lying. _Maybe_ he wants the mage to keep his hair tied back because it’s easier on his heart, not because he doesn’t want other people to see him like that. No matter what you do to the mage he will always be handsome as hell and attract stares wherever he goes, so there’s no point in being controlling of his appearance.

But he definitely doesn’t care either way. Definitely not.

“Then you don’t think I look better with my hair down?”

Turning around to glare at Yuui is a mistake, because his hair is still cascading down his shoulders and framing his face beautifully, and his eyes are wide and gorgeous and his smile is soft and amused and the dark colors of his furisode made the light colors of his skin and hair look much brighter. He really, _really_ does look much better with loose hair, especially now that it’s gotten so long. Kurogane feels compelled to kneel down in front of this man and slam his head on the floor until he’s knocked unconscious.

So, naturally, he refuses to agree. He ruffles his fiancé’s hair, holds back the words at the tip of his tongue because he’s never going to say _‘you always look good, mage’_ in front of Fai and Tomoyo, and snags the ribbon back from Yuui to tie his hair back himself.

“Aw, I’ve been rejected,” Yuui says, letting Kurogane do as he pleases. “I’m so sorry, Tomoyo-chan, seems like I better stick with the ponytail.”

Tomoyo’s pouting again. It’s almost unbelievable how childish she can be sometimes, especially considering how familiar Kurogane is with her wisdom and maturity. It’s kind of refreshing, though, seeing her indulge in herself like that. Even the Tsukuyomi deserves to let herself have a bit of fun every once in awhile.

“You have no eye for beauty, Kurogane,” she complains.

 _Of course I do, who do you think I’m marrying?”_ he thinks, but he keeps that thought to himself.  

“Anyway, are you done now?” He sighs and puts a hand on his hip. “You know I have something important to tell you.”

Tomoyo smiles knowingly and stands up with all the grace of a princess.

“Of course. Shall we go?”

Yuui visibly tenses, and Kurogane is grateful that his back is turned to him, because he can’t help the fond smile that takes over his lips. He squeezes his partner’s shoulder reassuringly. _I’m nervous too, actually_ , he tries to convey. _But we’ll be fine. Relax._

_There’s nothing to be scared of anymore._

 

* * *

 

“The ruins’ expanse goes from here—” Kendappa runs a piece of chalk from one point of the map to the other, “—to here.” She traces an uneven circle to enclose her markings, and then she moves the map towards Yuui’s end of the table so he can look at it better. “The corpses and the possessions of the people of Suwa were cleared out years ago, but the ruins of the buildings still remain.”

Yuui hums and taps a finger on the map, thoughtful. He was thinking of rebuilding by reusing the structures of fallen buildings, but considering the damage done to the area, the passing of time, and the more fragile architecture of the country, that may not be viable.

“We’ll need a bigger restoration party than I'd thought,” he says, resting his chin on a hand.

“First you need to clear the area of demons though,” Souma speaks up. “There's no priestess protecting Suwa anymore, so it's swarmed.”

Yuui sighs and runs a hand through his bangs. They have a lot of work ahead of them.

“But is it possible for magicians that aren't Nihon-based to learn the same magic the priestesses use?” Fai asks with a small frown.

Kendappa blinks and then looks at Souma, who shakes her head.

“I don’t know,” the empress says, crossing her arms and scowling at the map. “For all the magic that my sister has, I don't have an ounce in me. You'll have to ask her when she finishes talking with Kurogane.”

“I believe they will take a while,” Yuui says without elaborating. The others don't need to know exactly _what_ Kurogane is asking his master, it's a private matter. A private matter that’s kind of eating away at him at the moment. “Fai and I have very versatile magic, though. I have Valerian origins but I grew up studying Celesian magic, and since my king was able to cross dimensions the library in the castle had practices from many different worlds.”

“We picked up spells from other worlds while we were travelling too!” Fai says enthusiastically. “Yuui is much better than me at it because he has more experience, but there’s not a lot of resistance magic-wise.”

“Exactly.” Yuui bites his lower lip and looks down at his lap. “Is it required for priestesse _s_ to know healing magic, by any chance?”

“Not necessarily,” Kendappa explains. “Many of them do have healing powers, but blessings and strong wards are their most important skills.”

Yuui can help a sardonic scoff. How very ironic, for an accursed twin to try to take the duty of a priestess that casts blessings.

“But you know how to make wards of your own, do you not?” Souma asks. “Shouldn't that be enough?”

“I want to by this world’s order, if I can,” Yuui says. “Suwa needs a Lord and a priestess. I know I'm far from that and have no training in that regard, but I want to give that land what is best suited for it.”

Kendappa hums. “Well, I'm sure Tomoyo will be ecstatic to teach you. Your own kind of magic will be great for exterminating demons, I'm sure, so if you can put up a solid ward after that, the rebuilding will start without a problem.” She pats Yuui on the shoulder. “The late Lord and Lady of Suwa were loved by many, I'm certain that citizens from nearby provinces will offer their help.”

“That's great,” Fai says, smiling sweetly. “Suwa sounds great.”

Yuui smiles and absentmindedly caresses his brother’s hair.

“It does. But for now we should focus on the demons, should we not?”

Souma nods solemnly.

“Without any wards keeping them away, the demons swarming Suwa won’t be easy to defeat at all. The Lord of Suwa was extremely powerful and surrounded by capable men, and he still died to one.”

Yuui reaches for a scroll with drawings of various demons and examines it, squinting. He can’t read this world’s scripture yet, but he still wants to know as much as he can of what he’ll be dealing with in the near future.

“Well, maybe if I can manage to isolate them one by one and fight them inside an individual barrier we can make steady progress while remaining as safe as we can.”

“Locking yourself up with a demon is foolish to say the least, magician of Celes,” Kendappa scolds him, covering the scroll he’s examining with a hand. When he looks up, he finds her glaring at him. “I don’t blame you for your lack of knowledge on this aspect, but I expected more prudence from you.”

“Ah, but the thing is, empress of Nihon,” Yuui stands up but doesn’t straighten his spine to be able to loom over Kendappa. He keeps himself at eye-level. “I was quite the monster-slayer back in Celes. My offensive spells and quick thinking in the battlefield rivalled even those of my liege and tutor. I didn’t gain the D. title because of my defensive or restorative spells, lady Amaterasu.”

Kendappa holds his gaze for a moment before smiling and sitting back down, looking both satisfied and exasperated. He grins and does the same.

“Not bad, Flourite, I like your style.” She turns to look at Souma, who looks so scandalized it’s comical. The ninja is looking at him like he just stabbed her empress, so Yuui straightens his expression to not offend her any further. “Relax, Souma. He’s royalty, he can make these remarks if he pleases. Don’t you make them in public though.”

“You wound me, my lady,” Yuui says with his usual dramatic flair, setting a hand on his cheek and shaking his head. He has to actively fight back a smile when he hears footsteps approaching the room. “I would _never_ embarrass you in front of your people. I have Kuro-pon for that.”

“You have who for what now?” A familiar gruff voice says as the door is slid open.

Yuui gasps and turns around, covering his mouth with one hand.

“My, Kuro-tan, I didn’t notice you there!”

“Like hell you didn’t, idiot.” Kurogane crosses his arms and cocks his head towards the door. “C’mere, I’ve something to tell you.”

Yuui drops his act and licks his lips nervously. Kurogane has been talking with Tomoyo to ask for permission to give away his name and leave to rebuild Suwa, and while Yuui doesn’t doubt Tomoyo’s kindness and resolve to allow a destroyed part of her land to flourish again, he knows Kurogane is her best and most loyal subordinate. The princess has just regained her strongest ninja after years of absence, and now Yuui is taking him away again. If it were him, he wouldn’t give Kurogane up for anything in the world, and that’s the problem. Kurogane isn’t Yuui’s, he’s Tomoyo’s. And that’s fine, that’s perfectly fine, Yuui _adores_ the princess, and it’s not like he himself can give away everything that he is to Kurogane when he still has Fai.

Still, there’s a knot in his stomach. Still, insecurity eats away at him. Some things never change, he guesses.

“You better have a good reason for stealing Flourite away, Kurogane,” Kendappa says, her smile teasing. “He’s been proving to be quite the fun strategist.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have strategy meetings about _my_ land without me,” Kurogane grunts. “What are you waiting for, mage? Get your ass over here.”

“Ooh, flirty,” Kendappa coos.

Predictably enough, Kurogane goes adorably red at that, and Yuui finds it easy to relax and let a smile slip on his face. He lets his fiancé sputter his mandatory denials and he rises from his seat, only stopping when Fai tugs at the sleeve of his kimono. His brother is looking at him with wide, concerned eyes that remind Yuui that he’s become easy to read, and that he can never hide something from Fai.

“What’s wrong?” Fai asks, and Yuui is overwhelmed by a wave of affection that turns his smile more genuine than it was before.

“Something I may sort out now, I believe,” he says, sincere, and leans down to press a kiss on the crown of Fai’s head. “I’ll tell you later. Will you be okay here alone?”

Fai smiles, his joy about being trusted with the truth obvious in his face. “I’m thinking I might seek out Tomoyo to ask her about the workings of her magic.”

“That’s great,” Yuui says, ruffling Fai’s hair. “Tell me all about it later.”

“Sure!”

“I left her in her quarters, squirt,” Kurogane informs. “She wanted to do some touch-ups to some outfit or whatever the hell it is she does with clothes.”

“Thanks!” Fai says, bolting up from his seat and jogging to the door. He stops to bow to Kendappa and then takes off.

Yuui follows his brother’s example and bows to the empress, who dismisses him with the nonchalant wave of a hand. He can see Souma sneaking glances at her with longing in her eyes, and Yuui is more than glad to give them privacy. He takes Kurogane by the arm, and leads him away from the room.

“They’re cute, those two,” Yuui comments before Kurogane can speak about his conversation with Tomoyo. “It must be rough being the Empress’ lover, though. I bet they barely get any time alone”

Kurogane raises an eyebrow. “Was it rough for you to take lovers?”

“In Celes?”

“No, in Valeria,” Kurogane says, rolling his eyes. “Of course I mean in Celes.”

Yuui elbows the other man in the ribs, but he does it lightly and with a smile.

“I wasn’t a prince in Celes. Nobility is easier than royalty, and it’s not like I was in love with any of my partners anyway. Souma-san and the Empress are _enamoured_ with one another.”

“Hm, well.” Kurogane shrugs. “They manage.”

“That they do.”

They fall into a silence that, despite Yuui’s anxiety and the knot in his stomach, is quite comfortable. Kurogane leads them through a hallway that Yuui doesn’t recognize until they get to a long bridge with a smooth wooden floor and red railings. Yuui stops dead in his tracks and looks up at Kurogane, whose gaze is averted.

“We’re going to the tree?” He asks, frowning. He’s aware that they’ll have plenty of privacy there, but they lost the first Sakura in that place. It’s not a place he’s glad to come back to.

“Not if you don’t want to,” Kurogane says, scowling at the wooden floorboards. “I just… I used to love that place, you know? Back when Suwa had just been lost, and I was young and alone in this big castle. I could only feel at ease around either Tomoyo or that tree.” Kurogane rubs the back of his neck and turns his head slightly to look at Yuui with something resembling sheepishness. “I have memories with you there that I’m really fond of, but what happened that day just makes it all feel bitter.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Yuui says, running his hand up the ninja’s arm to settle it on his shoulder and give it a comforting squeeze.

“It’s not your fault, stupid, I already told you the memories I have with you there are good.” Kurogane lets out a short sigh and looks back at the ground. “I just thought… I thought it’d be nice to make other good memories here. Important ones.”

 _Oh_ , Yuui thinks, the hand on Kurogane’s shoulder loosening and falling to his side. _Oh_ , he thinks as he wraps his arms around the other man’s waist and buries his face in the crook of his neck. _Oh_ , he thinks as he feels Kurogane’s racing heartbeat against his skin.

“Oh,” he says, leaning up to peck the ninja’s cheek and nuzzle against it. He smiles. “I take it your conversation with Tomoyo-chan went well?”

“I’ll tell you if you get off of me so we can move."

Yuui takes a step back and smiles brightly before turning around and skipping across the bridge. He quickly arrives at the doorway leading to the room with the tree, and he turns around to look at Kurogane, who is smiling and shaking his head incredulously.

“You’re slow, Kuro-sama,” Yuui says, clasping his hands behind his back. “Is your old age finally taking a toll on you?”

“I’m only in my thirties, idiot,” Kurogane answers, making his way at his own pace. “And you’re no one to talk about old age.”

“ _Please_.” Yuui waves a hand around. “I’m in the prime of my life!”

Kurogane takes a couple of long strides to get to Yuui and grabs him by the waist so hard that he loses balance. He squeals when Kurogane buries his face in his neck and huffs a laugh that tickles him and makes him giggle into dark hair.

“You act like a five year old, so I guess that works in your favor,” Kurogane says, and Yuui just giggles again.

“Kuro-meanie,” he whispers, “don’t act like you don’t enjoy my childish side.”

“I will if I damn well please to. I’ve got a fucking image to maintain.”

Yuui pushes Kurogane away and looks at him with an amused smile. “Oh, shush, you know you’re fooling no one.”

“If I’m going to humor you then you have to humor me too,” Kurogane retorts, leaning on the door frame and smiling back.

Yuui leans his back on the bridge’s railing, and they stay right outside the room with the tree. He wants Kurogane to make those new memories in there, but he still isn’t quite so ready to see the tree and remember. Kurogane stays true to his word and humors Yuui, and he is grateful for that.

“So,” he says, fidgeting with the long sleeves of his kimono. “What did she say?”

“That she’s excited for the wedding and wants to make the costumes.”

Yuui blinks and looks up at Kurogane.

“Pardon?”

“Dreamseer or not, she saw this coming,” Kurogane says, running a hand through his hair and wearing that cute frustrated frown he has when someone he loves does something that annoys him. “She’s sad that she’ll lose my services, but says she’s survived many years without me anyway and that she looks forward to see how I’ll fare as a leader.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Yuui holds up his hands, alarmed. “I don’t understand, didn’t you swear everything you are to her? Shouldn’t she be more reluctant to let you go?”

“She should,” Kurogane agrees. “She _was_. But she always wished for me to return to Suwa, and she’s had years to process the whole… you-and-I thing.” He points at Yuui. “See what you’re wearing?”

Yuui looks down at himself, and then back up at Kurogane.

“A kimono?” He says. “What am I supposed to see? Is the fact that it’s blue significant?”

“It’s a furisode,” Kurogane explains. The charm Yuui is wearing around his neck doesn’t translate the word to anything that exists in Valerian, so he commits this unfamiliar word to memory. “A type of Kimono that unmarried women usually wear, but it’s also worn by brides, and… And…” He coughs and covers his mouth with his hand as a blush rises up to his cheeks. “Male lovers of-of samurai. She laughed at me on our first visit for short-circuiting when I saw you in it, and she’s kept doing it for years just to fuck with me.”

“Oh,” Yuui says, looking down at himself.

“Yeah.”

Yuui feels a little ridiculous for doubting Tomoyo’s compliance so much when she has apparently been rooting for them for as long as they’ve known each other. He’s embarrassed at the fact that he’s been played like that, but in hindsight maybe he shouldn’t have doubted the fact that a former dreamseer would be more perceptive than him. With all the people he has met in Nihon in mind, he’s starting to feel like being perceptive is just a trait of all the people that are born here.

He smiles and makes the long sleeves of his _furisode_ sway slowly with light arm movements. The anxieties that weighed down on him with so much force are gone, and he tells himself that he’s definitely going to thank Tomoyo for everything the next time she sees her. Maybe he can join in and aid her in making a cute fool out of Kurogane. He looks up at his partner as he opens his arms wide and does a little spin, ending it with a small sway of his hips.

“Is it working?” He says, blinking coquettishly. “Do I look good in them?”

“Not answering,” Kurogane says, crossing his arms, which means that he does think Yuui looks good.  

“I think they may make me look a little too long and a little too thin, but I’ve always looked better with clothes that show off my legs, haven’t I? Should I wear one when we wed too?”

“You’re not a bride, idiot, you’re a groom,” Kurogane says, beckoning him closer with an outstretched hand. Yuui takes the hand and lets the other man pull him into a loose embrace. “Besides, it’d be a waste to only wear furisodes. We’ve been to many worlds with the same kind of traditional clothing we have here and you barely ever try it on. I haven’t seen you in a yukata since Yama.”

“Did you think I looked good in it?” He asks. “Back then, I mean.”

Kurogane grins slightly, and Yuui finds himself smiling too before the other can even speak. Kurogane has been smiling so much lately, just the sight of it makes Yuui feel giddy.

“It made it really hard for me to pretend to hate you,” the ninja says, and Yuui giggles into his shoulder.

“Then I must’ve looked _really_ good, huh?”

Kurogane neither confirms nor denies, which is a confirmation in and of itself, and silence slips between them. They stay like that for a little while, just holding each other and sharing their warmth, listening to the cherry blossoms rustling with the wind. It’s comfortable, it’s reassuring, and it makes Yuui feel like they have all the time in the world to just be, to just _exist_. Kurogane hasn’t taken it easy since the death of his parents, and Yuui hasn’t done it since… ever, so this is nice. It’s nice to just be.

“Do you remember when I first met the squirt back in Clow?” Kurogane asks in a low, gentle voice, and Yuui nods against his chest. “We talked about names. How they matter.”

“We did.”

“My parents rarely called my name,” he continues, and Yuui’s heart starts speeding up. He knows what’s coming. “My father would call me ‘kid’ or ‘brat’, and my mother just called me ‘dear’ or ‘son’ and stuff like that. They only used my name when they were very serious or very loving. Or very mad, in my mother’s case.”

Yuui feels the other man briefly shaking, and he pulls back just enough to look at him with disbelief.

“Did you just shiver?”

“She was very scary when she was mad, okay?” Kurogane says, a little defensive, and when facing him Yuui realizes how sad his gaze looks. He cups his cheek and runs his thumb over Kurogane’s cheekbone, smiling when the other man leans into the touch.

“So that’s where you picked up your tendency to call people by anything but their name.” He stands on his tiptoes to give Kurogane a slow kiss, and he backs down to look at him in the eyes. “That’s lovely.”

Because he doesn’t want the conversation to stop short he pointedly avoids remarking how absurdly endearing it is that, upon meeting, Kurogane already called Syaoran what his father used to call him, but the thought still makes his chest feel full with love for this sweet, sweet man.

“I guess,” Kurogane says, looking at the tree with a pensive look. “I want to tell you more about them, with time. It still hurts to remember, but I want you to know.”

Yuui’s breath catches, and he forces himself not to cry or break down with emotion, because this is not his turn to be vulnerable. This is his turn to be supporting, and accepting, and showing how much Kurogane’s trust matters to him.

“I would love that,” he says, breathless but firm. “Whenever you feel ready, I’m here to listen.”

Kurogane nods, still looking at the tree. When he looks back at Yuui, he pulls back from their embrace to hold both of his hands and bring them close to his face. He closes his eyes, bows his head lightly, and kisses his knuckles.

“I offer you everything I am and everything I have,” he speaks into his hands. Yuui holds his breath. “My heart, my future, my home, and my true name.” He opens his eyes, and his stare is as resolute and sincere as ever. “Youou.”

“Youou,” Yuui breathes, twisting his wrists so he can bring Kurogane’s hands to his own face and kiss them too. “I gladly take it all, and I promise I will not stop giving back until the day I die.”

“Yeah,” Kurogane says, tugging his hands back. “C’mere.”

Yuui obliges, hugging him tight and pressing his ear into his chest to hear his quickened heartbeat.

“What does it mean?” He whispers.

“Hawk king,” Kurogane replies, and Yuui tightens his hug even further because he wants to melt into this man, he never wants any distance between them to exist again.

“Oh, that’s gorgeous, it suits you so much, your name is gorgeous, I love it, I love you.” He takes a deep breath that is shaky in its exhale. “Thank you, Youou.”

“Mhm.”

“Don’t our names kind of match? Youou, Yuui. I’m a prince, you’re a king.”

Kurogane snorts and knocks his head with no force.

“I’m not even a lord yet. Calm down, mage.”

“I can’t, don’t expect me to, I can’t.”

“Seriously.”

“I’ll respect the boundaries, but where do we draw the line, exactly? Can I call you that when we fuck?”

When Kurogane hits his head this time, he does it hard. Yuui already starts planning his payback.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im gay


	10. no matter what happens, I'll always be right here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some wounds take time to heal, and some scars never truly disappear. It's fine, though. It really is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the irregular updates, it'll probably be like this until the fic ends. I will still try my best though!! thank you all for your continued support

Fai has his hands drawn together, fingertips almost touching. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, letting the scent of night, nature and life course through his body. He feels a ticklish sensation prickling his skin, and his fingers start to shake with the effort of keeping them apart. He breathes in and out, evenly and rhythmically, willing the world’s magic to gather in his hands. He opens his eyes to look at it, and as soon as he sets his gaze on the small bundle of light and energy in his palms, it dissipates as if it had never existed. He whines and lets his body fall back into the porch, pressing his sweaty cheek to the wooden floor.

“Very impressive, Fai,” Tomoyo praises, smiling as gently as always.

“Impressive how?” He sighs. “It’s so hard to even will it to course through my body.”

“But that’s as expected, Fai,” she reassures, putting a hand on his hair. “In your world, the source of people’s magic was within their body, and though nature could help or interfere, it was still a separate force. Here, people who have aptitudes and intuition draw magic from the world itself, and channel it through their bodies into prayers and blessings. Our magic is a symbiotic thing that cannot occur without the world or the caster, and when you haven’t had this very magic coursing through you since childhood, adapting is bound to be hard. I think you are doing splendidly for your first week learning it, your body is definitely hospitable to our magic.”

Fai appreciates the sentiment behind her words, so he doesn’t voice his thoughts on how Yuui would probably pick this up in a second because Yuui is quick-witted, calm and collected when it matters, powerful and talented. Yuui can adapt to any world and get them out of any situation, and to him learning this foreign magic might not be anything worth noting, not after adapting to vampire blood and missing eyes and a body without magic. And it would be so easy to blame this all on the massive age difference that has separated them from one another, but he knows Yuui has always been the proactive one, the one that does not sit still or give up no matter how hard it gets. Fai sometimes thinks about what Yuui did for him when he incessantly climbed up that massive wall, disregarding his body and mind to try and reach the tower, and he doesn’t think he could have ever done that.

And it sucks, it just sucks so much, because he admires Yuui more than anything in the world and he wants to be more like him, but Yuui still acts and feels like he is inferior. He’s gotten over a lot of his issues, but Fai knows his brother still feels unworthy and inadequate to be around the people he loves, and it _sucks_. When Yuui finishes his business with Kurogane and Kendappa he will come to Fai and Tomoyo and finally start practicing magic with them and he’ll do so good and yet he will still be unsatisfied, because the years they spent apart changed his brother and created a deep, bitter hollow in his chest that will not close, no matter how hard Fai and Kurogane try.

And it sucks, because it isn’t Yuui’s fault. And it sucks, because Fai wishes he was his brother’s age again, he wishes he had the experience and knowledge to be able to make things better, to make his other half whole again.

“Fai?” Tomoyo says, making him snap out of his trance. “What’s wrong?”

Fai purses his lips and sighs through his nose. He reaches up to grasp the hand the princess is resting on his forehead, and he lowers it as he looks up at her.

“Before you gave away your dreamseeing, you saw everything that happened to Yuui and I, right?” When Tomoyo nods, he frowns and lets her hand go to dig the heels of his palms in his eyes. “After seeing that, do you think Yuui will be able to be happy here?”

Tomoyo rests her hand over Fai’s, slowly prying with her fingers so his palms aren’t digging into his eyes, but still letting him cover himself.

“I think that is up to him and the people who surround him, but I do not see why not,” she says calmly, squeezing his hand lightly. “Is there a reason why you doubt that?”

Fai sighs again and sits up slowly, turning around to face Tomoyo. The princess’ expression is gentle as always, but there is a trace of solemnity and worry in it. He runs a hand through his hair as he tries to find the words.

“I’m just worried about him,” he says, frowning. “Part of why I’m really happy to be here is because I’ve never had a home, so I have no trouble accepting one I haven’t been born into as my own. But that’s the issue. Valeria was never a home to me, but it was to him.”

“He is a very forgiving man,” Tomoyo states, her tone sad. Fai understands that sadness.

“He’s too forgiving. That world dictated that we were accursed and unworthy since we came into existence, yet he still loved it and its people.” He sighs yet again and buries his face in his hands. “I saw him grieve from the tower, I saw him worry over the state of the country that killed us. He didn’t only weep because he couldn’t get to me or because we had nowhere we belonged to, he wept because he felt responsible for every single death in the country. He never blamed anyone, and he still doesn’t. Not even that mad king that used him for his selfish desires.”

“Fai, King Ashura cared for him,” Tomoyo chides, putting a hand on his back. Only then Fai realizes that he’s been shaking, and that tears are starting to pool in his eyes.

“I _know_ ,” he sobs into his hands. “I know that, I know that he misses Celes because he genuinely had a home there, and I know that that man was family to him, that everyone was family to him. I know that that’s where he learnt how to smile and how to use magic, but I just…” He looks up at Tomoyo, and he can tell by her expression that he must look like nothing more than a lost child. That’s still probably what he is. “I can’t be as kind and forgiving as he is. I hate Ashura. I’m grateful that Kurogane killed him. I wish he had died before he could break Yuui even more. I hate everyone in Valeria too, everyone that treated us like they did and then cast us away. I resent everyone, and Yuui resents no one… and I feel like he should.” He pauses and averts his eyes. His chest really hurts. “Am I wrong for feeling like that?”

“No, of course not,” Tomoyo reassures. “Yuui is… he is not one of a kind in this aspect, but he is the first person I have met that still retains this sort of nature after enduring so, so much. I see why Kurogane and you both worry about him, and I worry about him too. But he is a very strong man, Fai.”

“I know,” he says, looking down at his hands. “He’s amazing, and I really admire him. I know that his kindness brings him so much pain, but I still don’t want him to lose it. He never puts himself before others, no matter how hard he tries, but I… I still don’t think that makes him weak. I just wish he would stop longing for what hurt him. He doesn’t deserve this burden, not when he can finally live in peace.” He looks at Tomoyo again, not bothering to hold back his tears. Her gaze is sympathetic, and she doesn’t retreat her comforting hand from Fai’s back. “It’s been too much time, Tomoyo, he’s lived for so long. He’s suffered for so long.”

He lets himself be pulled into Tomoyo’s side, and he leans his head on her shoulder. She doesn’t comment on how Fai’s tears are staining her luxurious clothing, and he’s grateful for that. He’s grateful for her. She’s a good friend.

“He has, but that is precisely why we cannot expect him to forget or stop longing.” She pats his head, and he tries to time his breaths with her slow caresses to calm down. “When I first met him, he was a broken man, Fai. He was kneeling down, crying for Kurogane’s life, and looking so desperate that it hurt to look at him. Before Kurogane woke up, he looked like a shell of a man, like something so fragile that a gust of wind would make him shatter. He had just lost his home and his mentor, he still did not have you back, and Kurogane and Sakura were slipping away from him. Yet now when I look at him, all I can think is that his smile is radiant. His eyes shine with it. He is full of life, this brother of yours.”

Fai’s breath shakes, but he nods. He’s never met the empty shell of his brother, the one that lied and deceived and seeked his own death. He’s known him desperate yet clinging to hope in Valeria, and he’s known him recovering and full of life during their travels. He can’t help being worried, but Tomoyo is right. If anything, Yuui is a man that embraces life and treasures what he is given. If he will not get angry for his own sake, then no big deal. Fai and Kurogane will do it for him.

And that is why Fai is not alone; he has Kurogane, who has seen Yuui at his worst and has still loved him with unending devotion and ferocity. Fai may feel lost, but he isn’t alone. He has Tomoyo too, and even if they’re away, he knows he can always count on Syaoran, Mokona and Sakura too.

Yuui is by his side too, and that is all that matters. Tomoyo is probably right. These things take time, and if Fai has to wait and be patient, he will do so without a complaint.

 

* * *

 

As months go by, Kurogane finds himself busier than ever with the preparations to rebuild Suwa. Yuui has spent half of his time practicing magic with Tomoyo and the other half planning along with Kendappa, so it feels like they haven’t been together in ages. He’s happy to see his partner working so hard for Suwa’s sake, but he has missed him terribly.

In hindsight, however, Kurogane should have predicted things would end up like this. Work as hard as you want, idiocy cannot be cured, and it was stupid of him to assume that Yuui would behave himself in front of the restoration party that Kurogane was currently leading. The mage never behaved himself in front of the men Kurogane led in Yama, so there really was no reason to believe that he would in front of the men of Nihon. So, as the responsible adult that he is, he reels his horse closer to the mage’s and kicks him in the shin.

“Ow!” Yuui says, flinching. He drapes himself over the mane of his horse and whines like a baby. Kurogane can hear snickers and whispers from the restoration party behind them, and he grits his teeth. “I can’t believe you’re treating your fiancé like this.”

“I can’t believe you’re being such a pain in the ass,” he retorts, rolling his eyes. He tugs on the reins of his steed to turn it around and face the men riding behind them. “I’d like to investigate the river by foot before we approach it to set up camp; we arrive in Suwa tomorrow and it’s best to take precautions. Two of you come with us, the others stay and guard the horses. Choose who yourselves.” He kicks Yuui’s shin again. “You stop whining and prove yourself useful.”

Yuui, as expected of him, whines more. The way in which he slides off his horse is almost comical, but since Kurogane is well-versed in masking his endearment with annoyance, he manages to scowl at the mage as he waddles over to him and slumps against his side with the back of his hand resting on his forehead.

“But it’s so _hot_ and we’ve been riding for so _long_ and my back hurts so _much_ ,” Yuui huffs, slapping Kurogane’s hand away when he tries to push the stupid idiot off of him. “And Kuro-tan is being so _cold_!”

“Kuro-tan is being _pragmatic_ ,” he corrects, mimicking the accent Yuui speaks in when he takes off his translation charm. He turns to the party and sees two ninjas, a man and a woman, standing near them with poorly concealed amusement. He ignores it, because he might as well get used to it. “So you two? Let’s go then.”

“Yes, lord Kurogane,” the woman says, bowing her head lightly. Her eyes dart to somewhere behind him, where Yuui has started taking off towards the direction of the river, and she goes red in the face. “Um.”

Because riding under the glaring sun for several days straight and trying to cope with returning to his destroyed homeland isn’t headache inducing enough, the mage is loosening his yukata as he walks towards the shade of a tree, exposing way too much of his chest and his legs and his everything. And because that isn’t enough either, he pulls his hair free of its low ponytail to tie it up higher, exposing his nape, and no matter how hot the weather is Yuui should _not_ be doing this in front of anyone _but_ Kurogane. So he stomps over, tries to smack the mage on his dumb skull and scowls when the other man dodges effortlessly. He grabs Yuui’s yukata to pull the garment closed over his chest.

“Before you start yapping about having lived in cold, snowy worlds,” he warns, “don’t.”

Yuui pouts and it’s annoying and distracting and cute but Kurogane glares because he wants Yuui to know that he isn’t missing the fact that this is very fishy because the blond has never felt comfortable showing extra skin or undressing in any way in front of strangers, and he isn’t fooling him with this casual act.

“Men who make fun of their husband’s accent do not get to make complaints,” Yuui says in his pouty, sulky voice.

And Kurogane wants to say that no, he wasn’t making fun of his accent because his accent is actually really charming and really sweet and he prefers it a thousand times over the perfect pronunciation that artificial translation provides, but he decides to let it be because this is hardly the time and place and his senses have been tingling for a while now. He sighs heavily and wordlessly starts heading into the direction of the river, making a gesture with his hand to order the party to stay put while he makes his way into the vegetation.

“You’ve been feeling it too, haven’t you?” He says, gazing over his shoulder to find Yuui and their two escorts following him. “You’re already ill-dressed for battle, at least tighten it so it doesn’t get in the way when we’ve got a face full of demon.”

“I don’t need armor when all I’ll be doing is putting up barriers and attacking from a distance,” the mage says, but he obliges anyway, putting his clothes back in order. “And that’s rich coming from a man of the country of loose clothing, where all clothing is loose and nothing is ever tight.”

“One day you’re going to have to admit that Celesian clothing is the one that was abnormally tight,” Kurogane shoots back as he jumps over a fallen tree. They’re getting close.

“The cold seeps through if your clothes aren’t tight,” Yuui says. “We’ve had this argument a thousand times already.”

“Maybe we wouldn’t have if you stopped bringing it up every time you get the chance.”

“But I’m right! Aren’t I right? What do you two think?”

Kurogane sighs again because of course he would put his subordinates on the spot by making them join their argument. He knows him and the mage have never been the most responsible people when it comes to having the common sense of not starting pointless arguments or inappropriate flirting in the middle of the battlefield, but this is hardly the time for this kind of bullshit. It’s a different time. Everything’s different when they’re close to Suwa.

“For all that it’s worth,” the woman says, “and with all due respect, I think the both of you are right. In fact, I’m not really sure why this is a recurring argument.”

“Because a certain _someone_ just insists on being stubborn,” Yuui says, and he looks like he’s about to make another dumb remark, but he tenses and frowns. His smile is cautious when he speaks again, “Seems like we better get ready.”

Kurogane nods and raises a hand to the hilt of his sword. He’s felt the demon’s presence turn hostile before heavy steps make the ground shake.

“Step back,” he tells his subordinates, unsheathing Ginryuu. “Watch the mage’s back as he holds up the barrier.”

“It’s fast,” the mage murmurs, already drawing runes in the air. Thanks to Tomoyo he’s learning to cast spells without drawing his Celesian runes, but it takes him too much time for demon slaying. “Leaving the barrier open until it charges into it is too risky, I may have to make one where anyone who gets in cannot get out.”

“Isn’t that risky too?” Kurogane scoffs, shaking his head.

“Yes, but I’m watching your back, Kuro-sama.” The barrier closes around Kurogane, and when he turns around, Yuui’s expression is serious. “I always am.”

Kurogane grins and turns back around to face the fast-approaching demon. _Well, isn’t that reassuring_ , he thinks as trees snap and crash down in the near distance.

“Should we call reinforcements?” one of the escort asks.

Kurogane steadies his breathing and shifts his stance.

“Only if I give you the signal,” Yuui answers. Kurogane can feel him strengthening the barrier. “It’s powerful, but nothing your lord can’t handle by himself.”

It’s true, Kurogane can feel it. The thing is huge and fast, that’s for sure, but the closer it gets the clearer it is for him that he can take it just fine. A strong gust of wind blows by, and the demon lands in front of him, crushing more of the vegetation surrounding them. Kurogane lowers his body, preparing to use Hama Ryuuoujin and end the fight in one swift strike.

Then he freezes as he sets his eyes on the demon’s sharp beak, which is biting down on a tree trunk. The demon snaps the wood in half and lets it fall to the ground, and against his better judgement, Kurogane flinches.

He doesn’t see a forest, a tree trunk and a lizard-like monster. He sees his childhood home, a torn arm with a dragon tattoo, and a winged demon. He sees red. His blood boils.

He hears a shout, sees light, and suddenly realizes that the demon is looming over him, one of its claws so close to him that it could tear his head off before he could do as much as react. A set of sharp violet crystals are piercing its body, however, and Kurogane slowly turns his head to look at Yuui.

“Now,” the mage mouths. He looks very, very serious.

Kurogane steers himself, and his voice is distant when he shouts the name of his technique and beheads the demon. He stares at the corpse as it falls to the ground and realizes that it looks nothing like the demon that devoured his father.

All the rage that he was feeling up until now, he directs it at himself. Just what is he doing? Just how long has it been?

“Wah, is Kuro-puu mad that I took his prey? Is he gonna get all grumpy and yell at his fiancé again?”

“Lord Yuu— ah!”

Kurogane blinks slowly and turns to look at Yuui, and his confusion only increases when he sees the blond pushing the bewildered escorts towards the direction from which they came from.

“Quick, go get the others and save yourselves!” The man hugs his own body with dramatic flair. “I don’t want anyone else to see Kuro-pii humiliate me further! Go, go!”

The escorts do as Yuui says, obviously confused but seemingly buying the act. Kurogane sighs and sheathes Ginryuu. He stays still and lets his partner hug him from behind and rest his face on his back.

It is then that Kurogane realizes that the reason why Yuui has been acting silly for the past few days wasn’t only to lighten the mood and take Kurogane’s mind off the dark places it keeps wandering to, but to shield him in front of his subordinates in situations like this one.

“Mage.”

“Sorry,” Yuui says. “Are you mad at me for butting in?”

He sighs again and closes his eyes, leaning his weight on the other man.

“No,” he replies. “It’s getting bad, getting this close to Suwa. For a moment I thought this demon was the one that killed my father.”

“Was it very similar?”

“No, not really. I just… I would’ve lost it in front of them. Thank you.”

“I said I’ve got your back, didn’t I?” Yuui says, squeezing Kurogane’s middle. “This is very hard on you, of course it is, but you’ll be fine, you know? You’re more than strong enough for this.”

“And I have you,” he whispers.

“And you have me,” Yuui echoes. “Don’t you ever forget that, Youou.”

Kurogane tenses for a second. It’s been three months since the day he gave his true name to his fiancé, and it’s the first time that Yuui has said it since then. It still sounds beautiful in his voice, but even more so now that he has his translation charm tucked inside a pouch instead of wrapped around his neck. His accent kind of butchers Kurogane’s name, but at the same time it gives it a certain personal quality that Kurogane wants to commit to memory.

He thinks he understands why Yuui asked him to say his name the night he proposed.

“I won’t.”

“...but?”

Kurogane frowns and stares at the hands wrapped around his middle. He takes one of them in his and squeezes it.

“But I wish the first time you saw Suwa wasn’t like this. It was a beautiful place, not this… this wasteland."

“Hm... “ Yuui hums, pensive. “Then how about postponing our wedding until Suwa is completely rebuilt? If the first step I take as the lord’s consort into Suwa is when it is in all of its glory, that’ll be nice, right?”

Kurogane turns around to look at the mage, arching an eyebrow. Yuui is smiling, genuine and dazzling. That makes Kurogane feel a little more skeptical—and a little more emotional too.

“Are you sure?” He asks. “It’s going to take years.”

Yuui chuckles. “What are a few years to an oldie like me? We have all the time in the world, love.”

“Don’t call me love,” Kurogane grumbles, burying his face in Yuui’s messy hair. “Tomoyo’s gonna be so mad. I think she was already sewing the costumes.”

The mage laughs openly as he runs a hand through Kurogane’s nape. “I’ll be the one to break it to her, if you want.”

Kurogane hums and closes his eyes, nuzzling closer. It’d be so easy to relax and let his partner’s caresses lull him into a calmer state, but there’s a demon corpse rotting right next to them and he can already feel horses approaching them. He straightens his back to meet his men with a dignity he wouldn’t possess without the man in his arms, so he doesn’t let go even when they start receiving the mandatory amused stares.

“Kuro-rin forgave me for stealing his prey!” Yuui coos, waving at their female escort. She giggles into her hand.

Just like that, they effortlessly fall back into their usual banter and their exaggerated personas. Yuui complains, Kurogane grumbles, and the subordinates laugh. They find the river, set up camp and go to bed, and if Kurogane lets himself be cradled and comforted by his partner that night, then that lays just between them. If their kisses linger longer than usual and they fall asleep with their hands intertwined, then nobody has to know.

They arrive in Suwa tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's always bothered me how in media many characters that have depression/ptsd and other mental illnesses of the sort are portrayed to be "healed" and completely recovered once they find someone (or something) that helps them become better and escape their previous situation. I've been suffering from depression for a very long while now, and while I wanted to keep this a happy fic, I can't help riling up against this pet peeve of mine in almost everything I write. yuui is special to me because he will always be a little broken yet he is still so full of love, which reassures me when I insist on telling myself I will always be a shattered version of who I used to be. I hope you all enjoy this chapter as it is
> 
> anyway, thats enough oversharing for the rest of my life!! thank you for reading and have a wonderful day


	11. never look back, you won't find any flowers blooming there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which decisions are made, and vows are exchanged prematurely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this update wasn't supposed to take so long, but I've poured all of my energy into a fic that will be posted for the kurofai olympics and I just haven't been able to touch this one for ages. luckily I'm mostly done with that other project, so next update will take a lil' while, but definitely not as long as this one. to those keeping up, thank you for your patience!! It's very appreciated ❤️
> 
> also I tried writing a bit of Suwa rebuilding but it ended up being reaaaaaally boring so I decided to just skip ahead to the time around the wedding in the same way that I made various timeskips during the dimensional travel part of the fic. around three or four years have gone by at this point. I hope it's not disorienting!

“So,” Yuui says, bringing his hands together and intertwining his fingers. He slowly rotates his wrists in opposite directions to create gaps between the digits, and he holds them up to Fai’s face. “If one barrier is created and then loosened up like this so gaps appear, another person could cast a barrier around it, weaving it around these gaps—” he tightens his hands again, and the gaps disappear. “—and then tightening it so it fits the other barrier.”

“That does sound like it’ll make the barriers much more solid,” Fai replies, tilting his head. He raises a hand with his palm laid out flat and begins creating a small barrier. “But are you sure it’ll work?”

Once the barrier is complete, Fai tries to loosen it to create small gaps. It shatters, and he frowns. 

“You need one of a bigger scale, Fai, it’s too hard if the barrier’s that small,” Yuui chuckles. “We’ve been encountering some really nasty demons while rebuilding Suwa, so I’ve put it into practice by myself, and the technique does make the barriers much harder to pierce through.”

“But to make two layers you must weaken the first one, is that right?” Tomoyo asks from behind Yuui. She’s adjusting the seams of his wedding kimono, but she peaks her head out from behind his shoulder to look at the brothers while speaking to them. “That’s why you suggest that we try it with two people.”

“Yes. I want to try it with Fai, specifically. He’s perfect for this.”

Fai blinks and looks up at his brother, frowning. No matter how you look at it, out of the three magicians in the room, he’s the weakest one. Or at least, the one with the weakest grasp over his abilities. If anything, Tomoyo should be the perfect one for the job.

“How am I perfect?”

“How are you not?” Yuui retorts. 

Fai has grown and he isn’t a child anymore, but he still can’t help pouting. “I’m serious, Yuui.”

“So am I,” Yuui retorts. “As much as I practice the magic from Nihon, the fact that I’ve spent hundreds of years using a wholly different type of magic won’t change. There will always be traces of that in my barriers, so I don’t think lacing them together with Tomoyo-chan’s would be safe.” He extends one of his hands, and Fai wordlessly takes it. “You, however, have the same kind of magic as I do, but have only learnt how to erect proper barriers here. We’re perfectly compatible for this, and I believe you could do it with Tomoyo-chan too once we’ve practiced enough for you to master it.”

Fai blinks slowly as the realization hits him. 

“Are you implying that I’ll stay in Shirasagi castle when you move to Suwa for good?” He asks, frowning. He tightens his hand around Yuui’s when his brother smiles softly, a lump forming in his throat. 

“Do you not want to?” Yuui asks. 

“I want to be with you!” He says. “Weren’t we separated for too long?”

“It was only a few years for you, Fai,” Yuui says. 

“And it was  _ hundreds  _ for you! We don’t have to be apart if we’re not ready to!”

“Fai, you clearly want to continue studying magic under Tomoyo.” He lets go of Fai’s hand to grab him by his shoulders and pull him into a loose hug. “And I’m getting married in a couple of weeks. And that’s okay. We’ve had such an amazing journey together, haven’t we?”

Fai feels tears welling up in his eyes, and he buries his face in Fai’s chest. He promptly ignores Tomoyo’s gasp and the fact that he’s probably going to ruin the fabric. 

“But I want to be with you too…” he whimpers, and Yuui tightens the hug only just slightly. 

“And so do I, but we’ll only be a few hours apart. Plus, you deserve a chance to grow up on your own like I did.”

“You didn’t choose to have that chance.”

“But you can choose to have yours,” Yuui says firmly. He cups Fai’s cheeks and angles his head so they can lock gazes. His eyes are a little wet, but his smile is sincere. “Listen, Fai, I don’t remember ever loving my magic. I studied extensively under Ashura-ou and I liked how my achievements in the field made him happy, but I’ve never, ever loved my magic. But now I see you, doing that when I never could, embracing it and learning everything you can to become stronger, to protect others, and I am so,  _ so _ proud of you. I want you to build a life around this, I want to see you flourish.” He strokes Fai’s cheek with one thumb, and a single tear falls from one of his eyes. “Let me see you flourish, brother.”

Overwhelmed by emotion, Fai feels his own tears starting to fall, and he nods, taking Yuui’s hands in his and squeezing. He is torn between the sadness of the prospect of parting and the relief and comfort that his brother’s love and support brings him, but he accepts Yuui’s advice.

The distance between Shirasagi and Suwa can be breached. This isn’t a tower situation anymore. They will be fine.

“Um, my apologies for butting in,” Tomoyo says from behind Yuui, “but do you intend to handle the Suwa barrier on your own, then?”

“Yes, that’s the idea,” Yuui replies, wiping his tears with the back of his hand and then waving it in a nonchalant manner. “Don’t worry, if anything happens I can still fight the demons, and in any case Kuro-rin is a one-man army.”

“That he is,” Tomoyo agrees, smiling. “Then how about we get to practice this new barrier technique when I finish the measurements?” She winks at Fai. “Isn’t this exciting? Let’s see how far we can go.”

Fai lets go of his brother to wipe his own tears, and then he smiles. 

“Yes. Yes, it is.”

 

* * *

 

Yuui grabs the sleeve of his furisode to keep it in place before leaning down to run his fingers through the surface of the water. Some of the fish of the pond swim to the surface, curiously nibbling at his fingers. 

“Aw, I’m sorry, little buddies, I’ve got nothing,” he says, poking at the scales of a koi fish before it swims away from him. “Maybe I should’ve brought some bread.”

“You didn’t even know we’d end up here on our walk,” Kurogane observes from behind him, leaning over his shoulder to look at the water. 

“Fair enough,” he says, turning to smile at the other man. “This castle’s so big, wandering around always gets you to different places.”

“Right,” Kurogane sighs, sitting down next to Fai and pressing onto his side. “I’ve always liked Suwa’s smaller scale better. If only Tomoyo stopped making such a huge deal of this stupid wedding and let us get on with it and go home.”

“Stupid?” Yuui asks, raising an eyebrow. “How bold, Kuro-tan, calling it that right in front of your fiancé.”

“You know what I mean,” Kurogane grumbles. “She’s making it too big, I don’t like it.”

“How would you like it, then?” 

“Small and quick,” the ninja replies easily. “Intimate. Cut down most of the meaningless traditions and do something we both like.”

“Isn’t there a wedding tradition here about sharing sake?” Yuui asks.

“We’re keeping that one,” Kurogane says immediately, making Yuui laugh. He looks at him for a short moment before asking, “what about you? Are there any traditions from your worlds you would like us to do?”

As always, Kurogane’s sincere acknowledgement of his heritage gives him a surge of warmth on his chest, and he smiles softly while leaning on the other man’s side. Kurogane cards a hand through his hair, and Yuui closes his eyes, smile broadening. 

“In Valeria there was this tradition where a color, a pattern or a specific type of clothing would be associated to each of the intended, and then it would be exchanged for the wedding as a sign of union, of becoming one.” He tugs at the sleeve of Kurogane’s black kimono. “For example, I would wear black or red, and you’d wear white or blue. Maybe I could get a dragon embroidered on my garments, and you could get a phoenix on yours. That kind of thing.”

“I like that,” Kurogane says. “Let’s do it.”

“But Tomoyo-chan is already finishing our outfits, I’d feel bad.”

“No, let’s ask her to do the new ones. Maybe that’ll distract her from the ceremony itself.”

Yuui chuckles and shakes his head, incredulous, but the thought of Kurogane in a pristine white  outfit and the beautiful contrast of the clothes with his dark skin almost makes his mouth water right then and there, so he doesn’t object. The tradition itself is very nice, embracing his Valerian heritage is quite painful but definitely important to him, and if he’s gonna get some nice eye-candy out of it he can push aside the guilt for making Tomoyo work a little more. 

He feels his smile turning into something more sad and somber when he thinks about the weddings he attended in Celes. 

“Celes was more simple,” he starts. Kurogane looks at him curiously, silently prompting him to go on. “Ceremonies were short, but family was an important part of them. Vows had to be delivered first to your future in-laws and then to your betrothed.” His smile drops as he reaches for the pond again, submerging his fingers in the water and thinking of a certain sleeping figure in that cold Celesian pool. “Ashura-ou once told me that whenever I married, he would receive the vows from my betrothed.” Yuui debates on whether or not he should continue, and he decides to say one final thing. “I wish he could receive yours.”

He doesn’t regret the words the instant they leave his mouth, but he starts doing so when Kurogane doesn’t reply. His partner grabs the blond’s shoulder and gently pushes him away from his body, which makes Yuui’s heart sink to his stomach. He watches in horror as Kurogane wordlessly gets up. 

Was mentioning Ashura a mistake? Is Kurogane angry that Yuui has compared his father figure to the real parents he had? Is the wedding going to be—

“Stop spiraling, idiot,” Kurogane says, cutting off his train of thought and holding out a hand. “Come up here.”

“Kuro-sama…” Yuui says, definitely not spiralling anymore but not rid of the feeling of dread either.

“Take the damn hand, mage,” the ninja grumbles, the exasperation on his tone laced with something softer and gentler. Yuui recognizes the tone that tells him that he’s not in as much trouble as he thought he was, and yet he’s still uneasy. 

He takes Kurogane’s hand anyway, and lets himself be lead by the other man. He is brought to a small storage closet where Kurogane rummages for a while until he finds a brush and some ink. He hands them to Yuui, who takes them with a confused look and watches with an ever more confused look when Kurogane finds a small stone plaque and props it on the inside of his elbow, taking Yuui’s hand again and leading them out of the storage room. 

“Say something, Kuro-sama,” he pleads, his nerves getting to him. “What is this?”

“They keep extra library supplies in there,” is all that the man says, which makes Yuui frown. 

That answers nothing, and he still has no idea what the other man intends to do. Stupid, stubborn, Kurogane. This must be payback for all the times Yuui acted cryptically in the past.

They get to a part of the castle gardens Yuui has never been to. It’s isolated and empty, no people coming in and out of it. Each step into the unfamiliar territory only increases his anxiety, but his racing thoughts come to a halt when they reach an open area and his eyes catch a row of stone graves. 

They’re an unfamiliar shape, but there’s no mistaking they are graves; characters are engraved on the stones and there is incense propped on quite a few of them. He gulps when Kurogane stops in front of two graves situated close together, one next to the other. They’re a little bigger than the others, and situated farther apart from them as well. 

They are the graves of important nobles. 

“My father left no body behind,” Kurogane says as he lets go of Yuui’s hand. With a soft glow, he wills Ginryuu out of his prosthetic arm. “All that’s buried there is an arm. Not very significant, if you ask me.” 

Yuui doesn’t say anything, only watches his fiancé kneel down and place his family heirloom on top of his father’s grave. Kurogane sets the stone plaque on the ground right in front of the graves then, and he turns to look at Yuui. 

“Draw the phoenix here,” he says, gesturing to the plaque. “The tattoo he gave you. That will be him.”

Yuui draws a sharp intake of a breath, gripping the brush and ink close to his chest. His hands are shaking. 

“Kuro-sama, let’s not,” he says, his voice cracking. “It’s supposed to be with living family, so let’s just… I can make due with Fai. Or we can just not do it.”

“Fai isn’t your father, and this is important to you.” Kurogane grabs Yuui’s sleeve and tugs it down, forcing the blonde to kneel by his side. “We’re doing it. I’m not leaving until you draw the damn thing.”

Yuui looks at Kurogane in the eyes. Sincere and passionate as always, they make Yuui’s own water, and he wipes them with his sleeve before opening the small container of ink. He dips the brush in it, and starts with the phoenix’s head. 

“I’ve become such a crybaby,” he says with a chuckle that ends in a pathetic little sniff. 

“It’s good that you don’t bottle it up anymore,” Kurogane says, putting an arm around his shoulders and idly playing with the end of his ponytail. “I prefer you crying regularly than the outburst you had in Infinity.”

Yuui chuckles again. “Yeah, that was a bad time,” he says, finishing the phoenix’s body in a long stroke and moving onto the wings. “You were so patient.”

“Damn straight,” Kurogane replies. He lightly bumps Yuui’s head with his knuckles. “But I hurt you too.”

“Do you regret what you did?”

“No, never.”

Yuui turns his head and presses a light kiss on the corner of Kurogane’s eye. He pulls back quickly, and goes back to the drawing.

“Me neither,” he whispers. “So don’t worry.”

“I’m not,” Kurogane says.

They fall into a comforting silence, the sound of brush against stone and the rustle of leaves the only things disrupting it. Yuui’s finishes the drawing with practiced ease, since he scribbled it around almost obsessively after he gave his tattoo to Yuuko. He hadn’t wanted to forget his king’s keepsake, and as he studies the finished product he is satisfied by the fact that he never did. He carefully sets the brush in the pot of ink so he doesn’t leave any stains around, and pushes it aside so he can’t knock it off by accident. He turns to his fiancé, unsure if the pressure he feels on his chest is due to nervousness or grief. 

“So we’re really doing this?”

“Yeah.”

“How do we do it?”

“Isn’t it  _ your  _ tradition?”

“Well, the parents always address the son-in-law first, so…”

Kurogane snorts and drags a hand down his face before standing up. Yuui smiles apologetically, but stands up as well and grabs one of Kurogane’s hand with two of his own. He’s latched onto his side, facing the graves. 

“This is stupid,” Kurogane says, and Yuui chuckles into his shoulder. 

“A little,” he says. “Maybe I shouldn’t have—”

“Ashura,” Kurogane cuts in, making Yuui flinch with the volume of his voice. The ninja is glaring at the phoenix on the stone. “I don’t like you.”

“Oh gods, what are you doing?” Yuui asks, already scandalized. Still, he stays glued to Kurogane’s side. 

“Shut up, it’s my turn,” Kurogane says, glancing at Yuui briefly before looking back at the impromptu grave. “I really don’t like you. I don’t regret killing you. What you did to the mage is unforgivable, and even if he’s forgiven you, you put him through hell and forced him to face much more pain than he deserved. You were supposed to be his safety, but you blew that up with your selfishness.”

Yuui blinks in surprise. That’s not it, he’s wrong, Ashura-ou wasn’t like that. He understands Kurogane’s anger, but he can’t let him speak like that when these were supposed to be vows, declarations of love instead of hatred.

“Kuro—”

“Shut up, I’m speaking,” Kurogane says again, not even looking at him this time. “My point is, you did something terrible to the person I care about the most. You showed us his memories without his permission and I’m still angry about that, but when you did I could see you cared about him as well. Deeply. More than that, you shaped him into the man I know and love. You raised him into someone I could care for, and the growth he did out of your sight is something you also had an influence on.” Kurogane clenches his fists and squeezes Yuui’s hands in the process. Yuui is too stunned to complain. “I can’t forgive someone who hurt him so much, but I can respect the person who saved his life and gave him warmth. You loved him, and he loves you, and I respect that.” He takes a deep breath, his cheeks coloring a little. Yuui can’t take his eyes off him. “I’m marrying your son. I vow I’ll treasure him more than you ever did.”

Yuui tries to swallow back the tears he can feel forming again, and he squeezes Kurogane’s hand. When the man turns to him, his blush has darkened. Yuui swallows again. 

“Would it be inappropriate to kiss you in front of your parents’ grave?” He croaks out. 

“Yes,” Kurogane answers, rolling his eyes. “Weirdo.”

“I love you.”

“Me too.”

“Alright, my turn,” Yuui says. He releases Kurogane’s hands and slaps his own cheeks, trying to clear his head a little. He feels a hand settling on the small of his back and relaxes instantly, revelling on the warmth of the touch. “My lord, my lady, I don’t know what kind of people you were, but your son is the most unbelievable person I’ve ever met.”

“You’re one to talk,” Kurogane intervenes, and Yuui reaches down to pinch his wrist. “Ow.”

“Silence, I’m talking,” Yuui says, raising a finger to his lips. Kurogane frowns, but lets him continue. “Your son is not only incredibly rude, but also incredibly meddlesome. He walks around being a grumpy pants but doesn’t hesitate for a second to be kind to others. He declared I was the kind of person he hated the most but then he gave his blood to turn me into a vampire and keep me alive. He insulted me and punched me, and then he cut off his arm to save me. Even after finding out the whole truth about me. He’s a man I just cannot understand.” He holds his hands to his own chest and closes his eyes. “I think… I think that if you raised someone like Kuro-sama, you must have been unbelievable people yourselves. Amazing people, I’m sure. I would have loved to meet you, but for now all I can do is to thank you for bringing this man to life. I vow to do everything I can to make him happy, and to help Suwa thrive.”

“...would it be inappropriate to kiss you in front of my parents’ grave?” Kurogane asks after a small pause and Yuui snorts in laughter. 

“Yes, incredibly so,” he answers, smiling genuinely, finally rid of the uncomfortable pressure on his chest. “Shall we go?”

“Kiss?”

“Sure.”

“And tell Tomoyo we’re changing the wedding.”

Yuui’s smile turns playful, and he bites one of his nails as he looks up at Kurogane. 

“How do you think she’ll react when she knows we’re already half married?”

“We’re going to die,” Kurogane deadpans, and Yuui snorts again. “I was the one to tell her we’d be postponing it the first time so now it’s your turn to face the monster and give her the news.”

“You’re so immature sometimes, Kuro-tan,” he says as he starts walking the way they came from. He gets stopped by a hand on the elbow, and he turns around. “What’s wrong?”

Kurogane is holding out the stone plaque with the phoenix drawing. 

“This is not his graveyard,” he says matter-of-factly. “Let’s bury him in Suwa.”

Yuui’s jaw drops, and for the umpteenth time this day, shock and tears are brought forth at the same time. He really has turned into a crybaby.  

“You'd let me bury him in your home?” He asks, voice breaking. “There's not even a body, I…”

“There isn't one for my father either, and Suwa is your home now too,” Kurogane replies, as if it really is that simple. Yuui notices then that the ninja’s other hand is holding Ginryuu, gripping it tight. 

All he can do is shake his head, incredulous. 

“I still can't believe someone like you exists,” he says, baffled. “Your existence must be a sham, you cannot be real.”

Kurogane scowls and lightly kicks Yuui in the calf before thrusting the plaque into his arms.

“You rude asshole,” he says. 

“You mythical being,” Yuui replies. 

“I'm real,” Kurogane insists. “You're loved.”

“I know,” he whispers, hugging the plate with Ashura’s tattoo close to his chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I quite like how this chapter turned out so I really hope it was worth the wait!! it's... sappier than usual but I still have a wedding to write so I highly doubt it'll get less sappy at all. not with these two, at least.


End file.
